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Too much to think about

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Orphanannie89

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Does anyone find your brain gets overloaded with having to think all the time that I end up having a blow out. I feel like all the thinking has to be done by me, what meals to cook, where to go on holiday, the shopping lists, who needs what etc. I understand these are general life decisions but the problem is I have to consider 4 people's tastes otherwise they moan about and I take that as a complete fail on my part. I hear you say don't panda to their needs but part of who I am is to keep everyone happy, obsessively and when they appear upset i am totally devastated. Anyone else feel like this?
 
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RoseGem11

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I'm the exact same way, if I haven't pleased everyone even if it's in the most miniscule and inconsequential way, I feel like an utmost failure and it leaves me replaying my failures and what I could've done differently for days even if there wasn't anything else I could have done. I think part of struggling with BPD is just the fact that we always want to please so no one will leave us without always being able to achieve that and coming to terms with and accepting that is one of my biggest struggles of my disorder.
 
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Orphanannie89

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I'm the exact same way, if I haven't pleased everyone even if it's in the most miniscule and inconsequential way, I feel like an utmost failure and it leaves me replaying my failures and what I could've done differently for days even if there wasn't anything else I could have done. I think part of struggling with BPD is just the fact that we always want to please so no one will leave us without always being able to achieve that and coming to terms with and accepting that is one of my biggest struggles of my disorder.
That is exactly how I feel and like you one of my biggest struggles xx
 
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RoseGem11

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That is exactly how I feel and like you one of my biggest struggles xx
Its so nice to not feel alone. Granted im not a mom and im single with just my dog to think about so I can't imagine the stress of trying to appease spouse and kids but I'm a daughter and youngest sibling and it is a struggle to fit into my family. I always feel like the black sheep and like everything I say and do is wrong. Im sorry you feel so obligated to please your family and like you can't live up, it truly feels awful but I know youre doing the best you can and im sure deep down they do too
 
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Orphanannie89

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Its so nice to not feel alone. Granted im not a mom and im single with just my dog to think about so I can't imagine the stress of trying to appease spouse and kids but I'm a daughter and youngest sibling and it is a struggle to fit into my family. I always feel like the black sheep and like everything I say and do is wrong. Im sorry you feel so obligated to please your family and like you can't live up, it truly feels awful but I know youre doing the best you can and im sure deep down they do too
Oh my goodness my love. I too am a youngest sibling. I have just one older sister. I too feel like a black sheep. I also feel I have to think a certain way and justify my decisions. It is true, we do put everything we have into anything we do. Dont know if people realise how much we love without limits xx
 
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RoseGem11

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Oh my goodness my love. I too am a youngest sibling. I have just one older sister. I too feel like a black sheep. I also feel I have to think a certain way and justify my decisions. It is true, we do put everything we have into anything we do. Dont know if people realise how much we love without limits xx
They really don't. They also don't know how painful it is when they reject that and throw that love back in our faces. It's cruel and hurtful and makes us just immediately seek that love and attention somewhere else, whether it's a healthy outlet or not
 
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Orphanannie89

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They really don't. They also don't know how painful it is when they reject that and throw that love back in our faces. It's cruel and hurtful and makes us just immediately seek that love and attention somewhere else, whether it's a healthy outlet or not
Exactly and that has been one of my issues and when we do that we are the selfish ones. But we have given so much. We do have limits.
Why is it that we are the ones who have to change. I am now learning to cut these people out of my life. It is hard when it is family you need to cut out. Most people dont understand that xx
 
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RoseGem11

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Exactly and that has been one of my issues and when we do that we are the selfish ones. But we have given so much. We do have limits.
Why is it that we are the ones who have to change. I am now learning to cut these people out of my life. It is hard when it is family you need to cut out. Most people dont understand that xx
Yeah the struggle between selfish and selfless is one of my biggest and I can never seem to find a happy medium. I either give too much or not enough
 
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Orphanannie89

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Yeah the struggle between selfish and selfless is one of my biggest and I can never seem to find a happy medium. I either give too much or not enough
I personally think we give too much, even when we are on our knees with exhaustion. It's got to be a case of "yes I can do that and would be delighted to but not right now, I've got a few things I need to sort out" xx
 
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RoseGem11

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I personally think we give too much, even when we are on our knees with exhaustion. It's got to be a case of "yes I can do that and would be delighted to but not right now, I've got a few things I need to sort out" xx
Yup and finding that balance is the hardest part
 
EverybodyHurts

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Rose and Orphan - Just been reading through your last few posts and it was a case of Yes! ✔Yes!✔Yes!✔ I've done it on the posts, but a massive thumbs up to you both! 👍
 
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Orphanannie89

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Rose and Orphan - Just been reading through your last few posts and it was a case of Yes! ✔Yes!✔Yes!✔ I've done it on the posts, but a massive thumbs up to you both! 👍
And to you too. I have to say I dont feel as silly now now I've come across people who feel exactly the same way. I cant make anyone, not even my husband understand how I feel xx
 
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RoseGem11

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And to you too. I have to say I dont feel as silly now now I've come across people who feel exactly the same way. I cant make anyone, not even my husband understand how I feel xx
Me too Annie, im so glad there's a place for people like me to feel accepted and understood
 
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