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Too much pain inside my head

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suffering101

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Oct 1, 2017
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I was bullied very badly in high school. The whole school, including the teachers used to bully me. High school ended 10 years ago and I still have those awful memories. I saw the facebook of some of my bullies and I see their lives are amazing, they have money, friends, everything. Meanwhile I am dirt poor, jobless, living on less than 1$ a day. I am so angry at everything. I have ptsd due to people treating me worse than shit and it won't go away. I am pretty sure serial rapists and murderers aren't treated as bad as I was treated back in school.

My bullies continue to be ultra successful in life while I am becoming more of a loser each day. I wish there was some kind of justice system or karma for my bullies but there isn't. It's a messed up world where anything can happen. These people got away with torturing my mind for 5-6 years. What's the point of living like this? Why shouldn't I kill myself? I am tired of being bullied inside my mind 24/7, it's an endless mind torture.
 
NWiddi

NWiddi

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I'm sorry you're feeling so low, I hope things improve for you soon. It may help to have a look at these two pages on the forum: Suicidal Crisis and Mental Health Forum - Getting Help about what to do if you're feeling suicidal, or if you need emergency help. I hope you can use the forum for support during this difficult time.

For whichever country you are in you can find support services by looking at the Befrienders Worldwide Website at Befrienders Worldwide | Emotional support to prevent suicide worldwide

Bullying can effect us long after it took place, I remember getting bullied by my math's teacher at high school and it ruined my final year of education, I never sat any exams that year.

This has had a long lasting effect on my life, I attempted to go to but ultimately quit college due to anxiety and never went back into education so as you can imagine I've never had great paying jobs.

The bullying from other kids at school never bothered me much, I could handle that but when a teacher bullies you the rest of the staff don't want to know.

I really hope you can get through this with a little support.
 
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sab1978

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Bullying and trauma, especially when you’re a teenager and your brain is developing, changes the composition of your brain and sets you up for all sorts of chemical imbalances. These can last a lifetime. But you can definitely manage them with therapy and medication.

As for your bullies...don’t take their Facebook accounts as an accurate depiction of their lives. People only post the good stuff on social media, not the real stuff. I actually think that the people who post the most “braggy” kind of stuff are the ones who are the most miserable on the inside. It’s as if they’re compensating for something. When you talk about justice...I assure you that karma is a real thing. Whatever they did to you will come back to them or someone they deeply care for in some way, if it hasn’t already. They certainly won’t post about that on social media though. You’ll never know about it, but have faith that a higher power will take care of this for you.

It sounds like you might have some negative biases based on altered brain chemistry. It’s not your fault and you do NOT deserve to die.

Would you feel comfortable going to you family doctor and telling him or her what’s going on with you mentally? You can get referrals for free counseling programs and for a psychiatrist. You can also discuss medication and other lifestyle changes. I know it’s hard for you to see now, but you deserve a wonderful life...and you can have it ❤ You are worth the work...promise.
 
Zero One

Zero One

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I was bullied very badly in high school. The whole school, including the teachers used to bully me. High school ended 10 years ago and I still have those awful memories. I saw the facebook of some of my bullies and I see their lives are amazing, they have money, friends, everything. Meanwhile I am dirt poor, jobless, living on less than 1$ a day. I am so angry at everything. I have ptsd due to people treating me worse than shit and it won't go away. I am pretty sure serial rapists and murderers aren't treated as bad as I was treated back in school.

My bullies continue to be ultra successful in life while I am becoming more of a loser each day. I wish there was some kind of justice system or karma for my bullies but there isn't. It's a messed up world where anything can happen. These people got away with torturing my mind for 5-6 years. What's the point of living like this? Why shouldn't I kill myself? I am tired of being bullied inside my mind 24/7, it's an endless mind torture.
I'm so sorry that this happened to you. You are still alive so you still have time to become successful. Just apply yourself and apply to jobs...go back to college if you need to. I found college to be much different from high school and an easy place to make friends.

I know how it feels though this guy that tried to rape me in the past is now MUCH more educated and successful than I am and the voices in my mind use it against me. I would have done much better if my mind didn't go into such a fuck.

I hope things get better for you soon suffering101
 
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suffering101

Member
Joined
Oct 1, 2017
Messages
8
I'm so sorry that this happened to you. You are still alive so you still have time to become successful. Just apply yourself and apply to jobs...go back to college if you need to. I found college to be much different from high school and an easy place to make friends.

I know how it feels though this guy that tried to rape me in the past is now MUCH more educated and successful than I am and the voices in my mind use it against me. I would have done much better if my mind didn't go into such a fuck.

I hope things get better for you soon suffering101
I just don't understand why are bullies so lucky with everything. There are so many things that could go wrong for them and teach them a lesson but it doesn't. Meanwhile all the bad things keep happening to the victims like they deserve it or something. It ridiculous. It's like a shitty plot for a shitty movie that went wrong. It's not so much fun being a punching bag your whole life.
 
Zero One

Zero One

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I just don't understand why are bullies so lucky with everything. There are so many things that could go wrong for them and teach them a lesson but it doesn't. Meanwhile all the bad things keep happening to the victims like they deserve it or something. It ridiculous. It's like a shitty plot for a shitty movie that went wrong. It's not so much fun being a punching bag your whole life.
I was a bully for a year in elementary school...I think my mind went off because of being molested and my life is currently TOTAL hell so not all bullies have it good.
 
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