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too much anger

A

azaleaveit

Member
Joined
Nov 16, 2021
Messages
7
Location
United Kingdom
sometimes out of nowhere i get extremely bitter, resentful. i start to despise my partner in the middle of a conversation. it makes me act irritable towards him and i am unable to explain it, it makes my body shake and my breath stop with how heart-stopping this anger is sometimes, and it rushes into me out of nowhere. i don't know how to deal with it or make it go away or handle it and it feels so overwhelming. i never know why it's happening i can't figure it out. something must be "triggering" it this doesn't just happen out of nowhere but i don't know what it is and that stresses me out even more. because people say talk about the things people have done wrong so you can work through it but what about when you don't know what they've done wrong? when you're just angry? all you can do is make them suffer then be confused when they get upset or mad right back at you.

how do i start understanding what makes me angry? how do i handle it when it does come, especially if i am in the middle of a conversation or activity? thank you in advance to anyone who reads and responds
 
Z

Zoe1

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 8, 2019
Messages
22,364
Location
Nowhere
hi aza :welcome:

I have problems with anger sometimes
it used to be a lot worse too
I have worked through some of it in therapy
and using every other possible way as well
group therapy, art therapy , music, exercise etc etc

tonight I managed to feel some of my anger
and I found out what it was about too
and I felt my way through it instead of acting on it

you are in the uk so you should be entitled to some professional help
as well as using this forum


:grouphug:
 
T E_90

T E_90

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Joined
Jun 4, 2021
Messages
490
Location
__
Hi, I don't know if that's the case for you, but maybe what I've found will be useful.

Quote:"Intermittent explosive disorder is a lesser-known mental disorder marked by episodes of unwarranted anger. It is commonly described as “flying into a rage for no reason.” In an individual with intermittent explosive disorder, the behavioral outbursts are out of proportion to the situation."

I suffer from impulsive anger but for other disorders.
It helps me work out, listen to music, even punching a pillow in pretty bad situations...
 
stevie_sloth

stevie_sloth

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 31, 2015
Messages
2,915
Location
Australia
Hi, I don't know if that's the case for you, but maybe what I've found will be useful.

Quote:"Intermittent explosive disorder is a lesser-known mental disorder marked by episodes of unwarranted anger. It is commonly described as “flying into a rage for no reason.” In an individual with intermittent explosive disorder, the behavioral outbursts are out of proportion to the situation."

I suffer from impulsive anger but for other disorders.
It helps me work out, listen to music, even punching a pillow in pretty bad situations...
Ah yes. This disorder. I used to have it as a sub-disorder of my BPD. I don't have it anymore, thankfully. I only directed it at my partners (who were my Favourite People).

I think I would feel stress or tension or some sort of restless depression and dissatisfaction beforehand, but not realise. Then my partner would do something (which was actually nothing) and I'd suddenly go off and explode. It looked like I'd gone from 0 to 100 in a second, but inside, my stress and unhappiness level was already about a 60 or so. I just didn't know it. This happened between every 1-4 weeks from my late teens to about the age of 30.

I wrote about this in more detail a while ago. If it's of any help, I can copy and paste it in here.
 
A

azaleaveit

Member
Joined
Nov 16, 2021
Messages
7
Location
United Kingdom
Ah yes. This disorder. I used to have it as a sub-disorder of my BPD. I don't have it anymore, thankfully. I only directed it at my partners (who were my Favourite People).

I think I would feel stress or tension or some sort of restless depression and dissatisfaction beforehand, but not realise. Then my partner would do something (which was actually nothing) and I'd suddenly go off and explode. It looked like I'd gone from 0 to 100 in a second, but inside, my stress and unhappiness level was already about a 60 or so. I just didn't know it. This happened between every 1-4 weeks from my late teens to about the age of 30.

I wrote about this in more detail a while ago. If it's of any help, I can copy and paste it in here.
i think that's sort of how it feels for me! i don't tend to understand what i'm feeling and why until i have time to reflect on it later (and even then like i said the why eludes me). people will comment that i'm being so mean and irritable and snappy and i won't have even realised! i can be super unhappy without knowing until i tip over the edge, thrash about for a while, then have to experience the consequences; and it keeps happening, it's like i learn nothing lol. did it clear up by itself with age for you?
 
stevie_sloth

stevie_sloth

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 31, 2015
Messages
2,915
Location
Australia
i think that's sort of how it feels for me! i don't tend to understand what i'm feeling and why until i have time to reflect on it later (and even then like i said the why eludes me). people will comment that i'm being so mean and irritable and snappy and i won't have even realised! i can be super unhappy without knowing until i tip over the edge, thrash about for a while, then have to experience the consequences; and it keeps happening, it's like i learn nothing lol. did it clear up by itself with age for you?
Yes it did. Age and a lot of introspection and self analysis.

I'll paste my more detailed posts about how I improved and then stopped "exploding" tomorrow. It's 4am here! Blegh!
 
A

azaleaveit

Member
Joined
Nov 16, 2021
Messages
7
Location
United Kingdom
Yes it did. Age and a lot of introspection and self analysis.

I'll paste my more detailed posts about how I improved and then stopped "exploding" tomorrow. It's 4am here! Blegh!
omg absolutely, get your rest if you can!! i look forward to seeing your insights tomorrow!
 
Halcyone

Halcyone

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 5, 2022
Messages
64
Location
Ireland
sometimes out of nowhere i get extremely bitter, resentful. i start to despise my partner in the middle of a conversation. it makes me act irritable towards him and i am unable to explain it, it makes my body shake and my breath stop with how heart-stopping this anger is sometimes, and it rushes into me out of nowhere. i don't know how to deal with it or make it go away or handle it and it feels so overwhelming. i never know why it's happening i can't figure it out. something must be "triggering" it this doesn't just happen out of nowhere but i don't know what it is and that stresses me out even more. because people say talk about the things people have done wrong so you can work through it but what about when you don't know what they've done wrong? when you're just angry? all you can do is make them suffer then be confused when they get upset or mad right back at you.

how do i start understanding what makes me angry? how do i handle it when it does come, especially if i am in the middle of a conversation or activity? thank you in advance to anyone who reads and responds
Hi azaleaveit. It can be very disorienting when we don't understand why we react/behave the way we do.

I'm gonna take a chance here and assume you're fairly high on agreeableness. As you may already know, agreeableness is one of the Big 5 personality traits used by psychologists when making assessments. The other 4 traits are Openness, Conscientiousness, Extroversion and Neuroticism.

Outbursts of anger and irritation are often common in people who are very agreeable because one of the features of agreeableness is to avoid conflict at all costs and thus acquiescing and doing something you really don't want to do. You relegate yourself to doormat status and abandon your own wants and needs. This causes a lot of resentment to build up over time & over lots of little things. But as we know, the build up of lots of little things eventually makes the dam burst.

Like I said, I'm taking a chance here in saying this is what might be happening for you: that you're giving away your own agency for something you think is more important.

Azaleaveit, you deserve to have boundaries and it's ok to just say NO.

I hope you find peace.
 
stevie_sloth

stevie_sloth

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Joined
Mar 31, 2015
Messages
2,915
Location
Australia
I haven't forgotten this thread! I can't find my original posts and will wade through them all tomorrow when I have more time!
 
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