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Too awkward to hold calls in the house. What should I do to fix this?

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drjlm

New member
Joined
Nov 5, 2018
Messages
2
So I have a kind of difficult mom.

Basically, when I was growing up she would listen in (eavesdrop) on my phone calls and then make criticisms after I was done speaking. IDK, things like "stop saying 'um' that much, it sounds bad."

Surprise surprise many years later I am now unable to comfortably have phone calls while loved ones are nearby.

E.g., if my wife is at home and a business call comes in, I will go up on the roof to have it, because I get paranoid that she is listening in — even though I know that she isn't and is supportive / doesn't care.

This goes way beyond reason — the awkwardness is now hard-wired into my brain. (Worth pointing out that other than this I do not have phone anxiety and can quite comfortably have phone calls when I am at home alone!)

The question of course is how to get past this as I am in business for myself and this is becoming a major inconvenience the more clients I land.

If anybody can identify and has found some strategy to improve upon this please LMK and thanks!
 
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natalie

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Joined
Aug 1, 2014
Messages
14,128
I would think the best way forward, is to either text on your mobile oops, cell phone, or email your clients, that way your loved ones, won't then have to eavesdrop. Have a go, you never know, you might find, this is the best route for you rather than speaking on calls.
 
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drjlm

New member
Joined
Nov 5, 2018
Messages
2
I would think the best way forward, is to either text on your mobile oops, cell phone, or email your clients, that way your loved ones, won't then have to eavesdrop. Have a go, you never know, you might find, this is the best route for you rather than speaking on calls.
That would be delightful but unfortunately a lot of clients simply expect to be able to have a phone call. I'd definitely cut myself out of a lot of opportunity if I simply refused to speak with people. Also, isn't that an avoidance behavior / likely to simply reinforce anxiety?
 
arodi007

arodi007

Active member
Joined
Nov 13, 2019
Messages
27
Location
Mauritius
i thk natalie was referencing about for some company allow balance team like u are allow to use text/email/call but i guess it not an option for you.
Did you told your situation to your wife, i thk that the best way to stop that pattern and she the one knowing you most ;v
 
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Sarah Wui

New member
Joined
Jan 5, 2020
Messages
4
Location
Vancouver BC
If it is just your wife you are worried about. I suggest you talking to her and telling her to leave the house each time you have a phone call. Either that or you leave and talk to your client in the front or back of the house outside, so she's nowhere close to you. Although your neighbours might be around.. You could ask your wife to put on headphones and listen to music each time she hears your phone ring. Ask her if she would do that and not remove the headphones until you enter back into the room and tell her your off the phone. If you are paranoid, sound proof one room specifically for your phone calls. Take all your phone calls in that room and put up book shelves and soundproof insulation. The more big, bulky furniture you put up against the walls, the more it covers up sound waves so you can have comfort of mind that it's hard to hear you talking when there's so much furniture around. I think you need to see and realize that your mom was the person criticizing you and your mom is the person who scarred you. But nobody else in your family, including your wife. Your wife is not your mom and it seems she is supportive and loves you. Your mother left a permanent mark on you, but your wife will not.
 
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