M
Marilyndoll
Member
- Joined
- Oct 20, 2009
- Messages
- 6
Hi everyone
It's not the end of the world or anything but I've whipped myself into quite a panic tonight/ this week.
It's a weird state to be in - I'm somewhere between catatonically depressed, panicky & angry and desperately sad. So maybe that means I'm nowhere?
To get to the details of my current problem though - I'm with a b/f who I adore, he's a great person, and thinks the world of me (so I'm told) He's a little naive and I'm hugely paranoid and on Monday he met with his ex (he left her for me), just for a drink and to sort out bills, post etc. I don't know why exactly but it tore me up inside. I was frightened that he'd feel a spark (she's scrubbed up pretty well since the split) and I felt out of control and dispossessed. It lead to me feeling uncomfortable being in (what was previously their place) with him etc. I find her hair and stuff and it makes me crazy, it makes me feel like I don't exist/ I'm in someone else's shoes.
In any case, I got angry, hurt, mad, upset that he did this. I managed to compose a very reasonable email explaining that he could see who he wanted but that he should consider my feelings too. I'm still hurting though.
In a bid to make him understand - I've arranged to meet up with one of my exes tonight. To let him feel it for himself (maybe this is the only way he'll get it?) and to perversely adhere to the apparent way we do things in this relationship - it's all fine, not a problem etc.
I don't want to go though. The ex hurt me and I just don't feel it's appropriate to meet up with them for a myriad of reasons. I want my b/f to ask me not to go, I want to fall into his arms in grateful tears and feel loved and secure and proper. But I don't think he will, so I need to grow a pair, put on my glad rags and go. But I don't want to, and I don't feel strong enough.
Plus - if he really is so cool with this, what have I proved?? Have I just accepted that he goes on meeting with his exes for evermore.
I'm about to turn to wine, please help me.
Thank you xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
It's not the end of the world or anything but I've whipped myself into quite a panic tonight/ this week.
It's a weird state to be in - I'm somewhere between catatonically depressed, panicky & angry and desperately sad. So maybe that means I'm nowhere?
To get to the details of my current problem though - I'm with a b/f who I adore, he's a great person, and thinks the world of me (so I'm told) He's a little naive and I'm hugely paranoid and on Monday he met with his ex (he left her for me), just for a drink and to sort out bills, post etc. I don't know why exactly but it tore me up inside. I was frightened that he'd feel a spark (she's scrubbed up pretty well since the split) and I felt out of control and dispossessed. It lead to me feeling uncomfortable being in (what was previously their place) with him etc. I find her hair and stuff and it makes me crazy, it makes me feel like I don't exist/ I'm in someone else's shoes.
In any case, I got angry, hurt, mad, upset that he did this. I managed to compose a very reasonable email explaining that he could see who he wanted but that he should consider my feelings too. I'm still hurting though.
In a bid to make him understand - I've arranged to meet up with one of my exes tonight. To let him feel it for himself (maybe this is the only way he'll get it?) and to perversely adhere to the apparent way we do things in this relationship - it's all fine, not a problem etc.
I don't want to go though. The ex hurt me and I just don't feel it's appropriate to meet up with them for a myriad of reasons. I want my b/f to ask me not to go, I want to fall into his arms in grateful tears and feel loved and secure and proper. But I don't think he will, so I need to grow a pair, put on my glad rags and go. But I don't want to, and I don't feel strong enough.
Plus - if he really is so cool with this, what have I proved?? Have I just accepted that he goes on meeting with his exes for evermore.
I'm about to turn to wine, please help me.
Thank you xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
