*Tonight* Please give me advice - my judgement is shit

[Marilyndoll]

Hi everyone

It's not the end of the world or anything but I've whipped myself into quite a panic tonight/ this week.

It's a weird state to be in - I'm somewhere between catatonically depressed, panicky & angry and desperately sad. So maybe that means I'm nowhere?

To get to the details of my current problem though - I'm with a b/f who I adore, he's a great person, and thinks the world of me (so I'm told) He's a little naive and I'm hugely paranoid and on Monday he met with his ex (he left her for me), just for a drink and to sort out bills, post etc. I don't know why exactly but it tore me up inside. I was frightened that he'd feel a spark (she's scrubbed up pretty well since the split) and I felt out of control and dispossessed. It lead to me feeling uncomfortable being in (what was previously their place) with him etc. I find her hair and stuff and it makes me crazy, it makes me feel like I don't exist/ I'm in someone else's shoes.

In any case, I got angry, hurt, mad, upset that he did this. I managed to compose a very reasonable email explaining that he could see who he wanted but that he should consider my feelings too. I'm still hurting though.

In a bid to make him understand - I've arranged to meet up with one of my exes tonight. To let him feel it for himself (maybe this is the only way he'll get it?) and to perversely adhere to the apparent way we do things in this relationship - it's all fine, not a problem etc.

I don't want to go though. The ex hurt me and I just don't feel it's appropriate to meet up with them for a myriad of reasons. I want my b/f to ask me not to go, I want to fall into his arms in grateful tears and feel loved and secure and proper. But I don't think he will, so I need to grow a pair, put on my glad rags and go. But I don't want to, and I don't feel strong enough.

Plus - if he really is so cool with this, what have I proved?? Have I just accepted that he goes on meeting with his exes for evermore.

I'm about to turn to wine, please help me.

Thank you xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[keepsafe]

I don;t think you should go meet with your ex thats just going to make things worse, even if it doesn;t for your relationship it will for you so just don;t do it. Have a glass of wine instead and consider your future with your now b.f

KS

 

[Marilyndoll]

Thanks for the reply KS.

I have had a few glasses, and I think I probably will go. What I failed to mention is that I've got very few friends of my own, so I think the feeling of independence away from my b/f will do me good. What I also failed to mention is that I've a really bad habit of ducking out of things at the last minute, and I've done that an awful lot lately...

Thank you for the advice though, I'll try and let you know how it goes...

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[keepsafe]

Hope it goes ok then - just hope you are both not playing a get at each other game you and your b.f - Its not a healthy thing to be doing - but hey if you can all just do friends and be ok with it then all well and good. Cheers anyway - I just got myself a glass of wine too!
Take care and hope it goes well

 

[Marilyndoll]

I couldn't go through with it. I know it sounds overly dramatic, but I'm really serious about my b/f and I want a proper, grown up relationship.

The wine made me catatonic - I was hoping it would cheer me up a bit. I went to bed from 7 until 10, cried for an hour all over my bewildered b/f and am still in bed now. He's gone away for the weekend and I'm meant to be going back to my mum and dads, but I can't even get out of bed.

I feel so sad and ripped up. I just wish this mood would lift.

Hope you're having a better day, thanks again for the advice xxxxxxxx

 

[keepsafe]

I am really glad that you didn;t go through with meeting the ex - but I am sad that you feel so so upset now - I hope that you can feel a little better and have a nice weekend, perhaps when you get a little more strength go home to your parents for the weekend - sure they will be pleased to see you and it won;t be as lonely

KS