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today has been very bad

M

mindbodysoul

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I didn't start out right without having slept. I made a bunch of phone calls to support services in West Virginia but they just all directed me to other support numbers like DHHR, Department of Labor, Department of Transportation. I tried to talk to someone about my stolen Social Security card, and the SSI claim was rejected. My dad doesn't want me to work. That is all I can assume. He wants me to be here and not work and have no financial support. I think thats insane. Like have no life and live under his control. Like the thing Britney Spears went through. But he's not my actual conservator and I file as a single adult on taxes and he does not live with me. Keeps his house a secret from me. which is so weird. He wont tell me where he lives. When I told my brother I knew, he told me the mansion isn't where he lives- my dad lives in the small cottage house right behind it and rents it out. Its this giant mansion you can see it on Google maps. I found out from the cleaning lady who cleaned both this house and the other one. So I asked my dad for a $1000 loan so I Could get up on my feet. He said after a few shrugs no. point blank no. I asked why and he said well you need a plan. so i told him my plan about education and a career and I felt a small sense of confidence, and then he snapped and started screaming and throwing things...and then left, leaving dinner and raw meat all on the kitchen that was only for him because no one else was hungry. Oh and my dad hospitalized me mom this past month, so she also told him to get the fuck out. She's overwhelmed. I hate him right now. Im suicidal and I also wish he was dead because he has done this before. and it hurts and it never goes away. It turns into some stupid post online that people look at awkwardly and then nothing ever changes and I keep hurting its eating me up inside right now though. Fact is he hasn't called to apologize and never will. I almost feel like he wants me to kill myself and it would make him feel better. Thats why I hate him so much. He also said that I had only 3 months clean instead of 4. Like who undermines someone's clean time. Im like I have four months clean, he said "no you dont!!" I said "yes i do!!" "No you dont" he's an abusive asshole I overdosed on June 13th so three months ago I was almost dead so three months ago I overdosed...yeah my parents are driving me to suicide they have been my whole life to be honest. I think its jealousy. Just any sense of the idea that Im smarter or more aware to them makes them hate me. Or prettier in the case of my mom she keeps encouraging me to eat more food that Im not eating enough which is crazy. I eat like a normal human being. And then my dad can say Im not active or I dont clean or Im lazy or blame my addiction....he sabotoges every opportunity for me to dip out...I wasn't even in the trap houses to use drugs at first it was to get away from this evil situation.
 
NWiddi

NWiddi

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Help for suicidal thoughts

If you're feeling like you want to die, it's important to tell someone.

Help and support is available right now if you need it. You do not have to struggle with difficult feelings alone.

Phone a helpline

These free helplines are there to help when you're feeling down or desperate.

You can also call these helplines for advice if you’re worried about someone else.

In the UK and Ireland, call the Samaritans on 116123.
In the US, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline ion 1-800-273-8255.
In Canada, call the Suicide Prevention Service on 1.833.456.4566.
In Australia, call Lifeline on 131114.
In New Zealand, call Need to Talk on 1737 or 080017371737.
For other countries please visit this list of crisis helplines.

If you have been affected by the contents of this thread and would like to speak to someone about your feelings you can also call one of the above helplines.

Emergency help

If you are in immediate danger, please call your local emergency number (in the UK call 999, in the USA or Canada call 911, in Australia call 000 and in New Zealand call 111 or call the international emergency number of 112).
 
mischief

mischief

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Hi @mindbodysoul

Are you getting any support to help you with this situation?

It might be worth seeing if you can make contact with support services to help you tackle it?

One you call straight away is the 211 service (i.e. just phone 211). They would be able to signpost you to appropriate help.
 
Bod

Bod

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Hey @mindbodysoul I am really sorry to read of how you are feeling, but first I want to say well done on being 4 months clean as that is a big achievement in of journey of stopping I know we don't know each other at all but I really am PROUD of you. Sadly in our lives it can be strangers who treat us crap and then we get family who treat us crap and to me that really gets my goat right up as families should always stick together through thick and thin, but sadly it sounds like even your own dad does not know how to do that. I wish you all the best and please try to post and let us know if you get the help you need.
 
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