- Mar 30, 2021
I didn't start out right without having slept. I made a bunch of phone calls to support services in West Virginia but they just all directed me to other support numbers like DHHR, Department of Labor, Department of Transportation. I tried to talk to someone about my stolen Social Security card, and the SSI claim was rejected. My dad doesn't want me to work. That is all I can assume. He wants me to be here and not work and have no financial support. I think thats insane. Like have no life and live under his control. Like the thing Britney Spears went through. But he's not my actual conservator and I file as a single adult on taxes and he does not live with me. Keeps his house a secret from me. which is so weird. He wont tell me where he lives. When I told my brother I knew, he told me the mansion isn't where he lives- my dad lives in the small cottage house right behind it and rents it out. Its this giant mansion you can see it on Google maps. I found out from the cleaning lady who cleaned both this house and the other one. So I asked my dad for a $1000 loan so I Could get up on my feet. He said after a few shrugs no. point blank no. I asked why and he said well you need a plan. so i told him my plan about education and a career and I felt a small sense of confidence, and then he snapped and started screaming and throwing things...and then left, leaving dinner and raw meat all on the kitchen that was only for him because no one else was hungry. Oh and my dad hospitalized me mom this past month, so she also told him to get the fuck out. She's overwhelmed. I hate him right now. Im suicidal and I also wish he was dead because he has done this before. and it hurts and it never goes away. It turns into some stupid post online that people look at awkwardly and then nothing ever changes and I keep hurting its eating me up inside right now though. Fact is he hasn't called to apologize and never will. I almost feel like he wants me to kill myself and it would make him feel better. Thats why I hate him so much. He also said that I had only 3 months clean instead of 4. Like who undermines someone's clean time. Im like I have four months clean, he said "no you dont!!" I said "yes i do!!" "No you dont" he's an abusive asshole I overdosed on June 13th so three months ago I was almost dead so three months ago I overdosed...yeah my parents are driving me to suicide they have been my whole life to be honest. I think its jealousy. Just any sense of the idea that Im smarter or more aware to them makes them hate me. Or prettier in the case of my mom she keeps encouraging me to eat more food that Im not eating enough which is crazy. I eat like a normal human being. And then my dad can say Im not active or I dont clean or Im lazy or blame my addiction....he sabotoges every opportunity for me to dip out...I wasn't even in the trap houses to use drugs at first it was to get away from this evil situation.