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Today has been a really shit day

D

dewey

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 16, 2019
Messages
1,027
I have reduced my medication dosage, over time with guidance of doc.
The really strong emotions are back because there-s no more meds to numb them all.
The chemicals in my head are making me feel really really really bad.

Should I be grateful i can feel again????? . What's better feeling shit or not feeling at all?? How can I find the other option... feeling good??


Side notes:
I made a dumb post on social media writing about all this emotional stuff and seriously, the stuff i wrote, i made myself look like a freaaaak. Haha no changes there ive always been considred a social freak and naturally i attract hate towards me.

I was on the brink of self harm today playing around with... objects.
I fucking hate the world and I hate myself too because of this fucking depression, and because of my family and what they put me through. I wonder what it would be like to have a normal supportive family. I wish I was just another normal person.

I wish i was born into a stable family.

Also had that realisation im never going to be loved, in the sense of be in a good relationship because im doing something wrong every time. so i may as well get used to it.
when i look in the mirror im repulsed.
it-s sad to feel admiration for someone when you know youre worthless
 
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dewey

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 16, 2019
Messages
1,027
bad emotions feeel bad. chemicals in my head
 
Lunus

Lunus

Well-known member
Joined
May 20, 2019
Messages
1,057
Location
Norfolk
I have reduced my medication dosage, over time with guidance of doc.
The really strong emotions are back because there-s no more meds to numb them all.
The chemicals in my head are making me feel really really really bad.

Should I be grateful i can feel again????? . What's better feeling shit or not feeling at all?? How can I find the other option... feeling good??


Side notes:
I made a dumb post on social media writing about all this emotional stuff and seriously, the stuff i wrote, i made myself look like a freaaaak. Haha no changes there ive always been considred a social freak and naturally i attract hate towards me.

I was on the brink of self harm today playing around with... objects.
I fucking hate the world and I hate myself too because of this fucking depression, and because of my family and what they put me through. I wonder what it would be like to have a normal supportive family. I wish I was just another normal person.

I wish i was born into a stable family.

Also had that realisation im never going to be loved, in the sense of be in a good relationship because im doing something wrong every time. so i may as well get used to it.
when i look in the mirror im repulsed.
it-s sad to feel admiration for someone when you know youre worthless
I am afraid we all just have to accept all that has happened to us in making us the people we are. You are just struggling with thoughts at the moment. They are not pleasant but they will pass. Stay strong. I hope you are feeling a little better today. 🤗
 
jetgirl

jetgirl

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 10, 2014
Messages
84
Location
Aberdeen, Scotland, UK.
I'm right with you here. I'm reducing my antidepressant and having very significant mood problems now that I'm feeling things. Extremely irritable, depressed, manic, but then crying again a moment after laughing. I am determined to stay off the antidep cos of the many and awful side effects and I think that for both of us, and everyone going through this, that once the withdrawal is over we will feel a bit more stable?

I too have been all over social media and it has caused an argument with a friend, who really upset me, but I'm like am I being too sensitive? Then I think, no, my feelings are valid, I'm upset cos they were uncaring and made a stupid comment. Just last night I almost had a falling out with someone else on social media, and also irl things are getting bad - but I think only because I am now feeling things and reacting rather than being walked all over or being quiet and sedated by the medication.

How are you feeling now dewey? xx
 
Confusedandanxious

Confusedandanxious

Well-known member
Joined
May 5, 2019
Messages
773
Location
Uk
I hope you are feeling a bit better now Dewey. Remember that changing meds can always mess about with things, so hopefully it is just that.
Either way, I hope it passes quickly.
 
vanish

vanish

Well-known member
Forum Safety Team
Staff Member on Leave
Joined
Sep 29, 2014
Messages
2,384
Location
The Land of Oz
Hey there Dewey, I’m sorry things are a bit rough at the moment and you’re being bombarded by negative emotions. I hope you managed to fall asleep and get much deserved rest. How are you feeling now?
 
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dewey

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 16, 2019
Messages
1,027
I'm right with you here. I'm reducing my antidepressant and having very significant mood problems now that I'm feeling things. Extremely irritable, depressed, manic, but then crying again a moment after laughing. I am determined to stay off the antidep cos of the many and awful side effects and I think that for both of us, and everyone going through this, that once the withdrawal is over we will feel a bit more stable?

I too have been all over social media and it has caused an argument with a friend, who really upset me, but I'm like am I being too sensitive? Then I think, no, my feelings are valid, I'm upset cos they were uncaring and made a stupid comment. Just last night I almost had a falling out with someone else on social media, and also irl things are getting bad - but I think only because I am now feeling things and reacting rather than being walked all over or being quiet and sedated by the medication.

How are you feeling now dewey? xx
a bit calmer.
I am too scared to come off the meds. Today i took a higher dose than what i'm supposed to because i dont want to feel like i did yesterday.
you think medication sedates you?? i guess it does yeah but also it stops you fom getting reallly depressed and i dont want those feelings again
 
D

dewey

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 16, 2019
Messages
1,027
Hey there Dewey, I’m sorry things are a bit rough at the moment and you’re being bombarded by negative emotions. I hope you managed to fall asleep and get much deserved rest. How are you feeling now?
thank you. i feel calmer thanks
 
D

dewey

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 16, 2019
Messages
1,027
I am afraid we all just have to accept all that has happened to us in making us the people we are. You are just struggling with thoughts at the moment. They are not pleasant but they will pass. Stay strong. I hope you are feeling a little better today. 🤗
thank you.
 
Z

Zoe1

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 8, 2019
Messages
4,575
Location
Nowhere
hi Dewey

your post reads like a Pink song
I hope you are feeling better

I think social media is great
I found them very supportive on the whole
and I think being a freak is something to be proud of !

:hug5:
 
jetgirl

jetgirl

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 10, 2014
Messages
84
Location
Aberdeen, Scotland, UK.
I guess I'm alone in trying not to need drugs to be a 'normal' human being'. Well, I'd rather feel than not feel anything at all.
 
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