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    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

to vent

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silverberry

Member
Joined
Jul 9, 2020
Messages
13
Location
/
Hello everyone
well, my first post ever

I've decided to join this forum because everyday is getting worse, my depression is getting out of control. I almost cry daily.
This should be the best time of my life but seems like I dont deserve it.

I've had depression since like forever. I am anorexic and suicidal. I am fairly young but my life is shit. Since I was 13 my life became a pit of endless sadness and sorrow. My family does not give a damn about me. It seems like they are not even sorry. They treated me like a maid since i was a teenager and they still continue to do this. i wonder just why. why i deserve this? why me? i dont have friends, ive been bullied just for fun. God knows ive tried to befriend people but they treated me like shit.
i developed an ed in order to "have friends" but ive destroyed myself. so 8 years of constant pain. ive self-harmed for a period it was hell.
I spent my teenage years doing house chores and babysitting my sibling. no parties, no holidays, nothing.

Now at 20 yrs my life is destroyed. i am mess, a failure. who fucking cares im going to get a degree when i barely stop myself from crying. who cares im pretty when i dont even stand myself.
i never had a boyfriend, have never been kissed. i cannot even talk to people.

I 'd like to be dead so i would not suffer anymore. life is unfair. my siblings have 100% better life than mine.
when i try to speak to my mom and tell her that because of them (my parents) my life is shit and i am a broken soul, she just says to not dwell bout the past and that my life will get better. bullshit.

maybe i seem selfish but i've always put my family first. turns out it ruined me. they didnt deserve any of my love.
sometimes i feel so sad that i dont want to get better, its like im used to feel like shit. nobody cares about me, and this breaks my heart. ive always cared about people and gave them my support but nobody ever gave a damn about me.
now i feel empty and bitter, bitter about the things ive lost, the things ive could have enjoyed like anyone my age. if only my parents could show their appreciation but it seems ive no right of it. my siblings treated them horribly, showed them no respect and they have always been forgiven. instead, i am yelled for every little thing. ive always been treated worse than my siblings and my parents deny it. i hate them for this. i fucking hate everyone. hope they feel proud of making my life hell on earth. but i ve always hurt myself for it. and i dont know why.

seen from outside my life seems great and my family amazing. lies. i just want to kill myself.

maybe posting here should make me feel better but it only makes me suffer more cause i am so fucking alone that i can only vent on an anonymous forum. i am truly pathetic
 
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Ashgana

Member
Joined
Jul 9, 2020
Messages
14
Location
Lituania
Hi ;)
If you finally came to the conclusion that your family isn't good to you (and that is pretty obvious ) it is finally time to ask yourself where the teeny tiny amount of wellness that you feel on a daily basis comes from.
It might look tiny at first but if you clear your mind and look at it objectively maybe you will see that what you thought was little and worthless is actually pretty big.
You should give things their true value, that is part of being true and fair, and that is necessary to solidly build ones life.
 
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silverberry

Member
Joined
Jul 9, 2020
Messages
13
Location
/
Thank you for replying :)
I know that my mom is a toxic person, but I've always tried to see the best part of her and sadly she continues to mistreat me.

It is particularly hard to find something to enjoy when my thoughts are so black. Looking back in time, I wander how did I manage to resist so long without killing myself.

Today was horrible and I needed to vent somehow, to pour the pain out.
I hope this feeling will be gone by tomorrow
 
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PrimeLife

Member
Joined
Jul 8, 2020
Messages
15
Location
Somewhere safe
Hello Silverberry,

It's heartbreaking to hear that your family is not there to support you. My ex-gf was from a small town in Moldova close to the border near Galati. The stories I heard from her about her youth and past are coming back to me while I read your post. So I understand the way you feel and I can imagine the pain you have to go through. I sadly have no other advice then to choose for yourself and abandon toxic people. But for a country like Romania that might be to difficult to do.

I would love to throw in some positivity and talk with you about your degree :) We are all here for you and we don't think you're pathetic, ugly or anything you have stated yourself! We're all in this together, and we will support you through difficult times :)
 
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silverberry

Member
Joined
Jul 9, 2020
Messages
13
Location
/
Thank your for your reply :)

I believe you can find toxic people anywhere, but you don't expect to find them in your family.
and I never stated I thought I was ugly. I known I am not 🙃, reason why people think I have it easy
 
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PrimeLife

Member
Joined
Jul 8, 2020
Messages
15
Location
Somewhere safe
My sister was very toxic for us. So... I told her to leave me alone and... a couple of years later she ended her life. So... I can relate to you :) The other half of my family (one of my parents) is also very toxic. We haven't seen them in 16 years. Family is not everything, and people need to understand this!
 
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Wanttofeelpeace5

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 8, 2020
Messages
758
Location
New zealand
im just going to vent here rather than start a new thread . some people are just awful and the thought of them breaks me . just want to stop thinking of these a holes that were a part of my life for a short time .. as my brother used to say . to all of those self obsessed idiots who make themselves feel better by making others feel bad . karma will get you - can't swim, your problem not mine, have a good life .toxic liars have tried but will not suceed in taking my happiness away .
 
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Am33

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 28, 2020
Messages
210
Location
Fiji
Lots of people have mental issues cause we are more sensitive than other people we feel more. Things effect more us which is a good thing . We just need to learn how to redirect it into ourselves .We just have to learn how to handle it what tools out there we can use to protect us .Like you won't go out into a rainstorm with out a coat .

Psychologists say a person's brain doesn't fully develop until they are 22 so its good you haven't had relations yet it hasn't messed you up you will be better equipped to handle them . Watched a video a woman divorced her parents her mother married her ex boyfriend and her father was too friendly when she was young she couldn't handle them and longer .
 
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ManDss

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 24, 2020
Messages
387
Location
Argentina
Hi there , so sorry to hear all this.

Try to do things good for you, be independent, and go away from that family, stop caryng about them, take what u can from them.
 
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