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To boldly go.....tw, abuse (by family), bullying, breakdowns, self harm, suicidal thoughts

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Trekster33

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 15, 2019
Messages
134
Location
South West UK
Hello and hope today is a good day for you.

When I was younger I knew there was something different about me. I had a diagnosis of depression and anxiety in my teens and then later a diagnosis of Asperger's syndrome (this was the late 90s).

I was also subjected to all kinds of abuse from both parents. This still causes me to dissociate from time to time. Some of the things they said still ring with me even years after they occurred. At the moment 'do what you're told when you're told' and 'it's not what you say but how you say it' are quite prominent.

I went through all sorts of career options finally settling on volunteering with peer support communities. I have struggled to find and keep work that is voluntary work because my communication needs confuse others. Charity shop work tends to break down after a year.

In my twenties I went to university I still use the knowledge from the three courses I did in every day living. I got diagnosed with fibromyalgia and carpel tunnel syndrome and ibs during this time.

In my thirties I got diagnosed with complex PTSD, elhers danlos syndrome, gender dysphoria, gender incongruence and a precursor to personality disorder. I started living as my true gender and also started using a wheelchair. I have at least another two surgeries to go before my gender based diagnoses are minimised. My Asperger's diagnosis has been revoked but they're refusing to tell me why I had Asperger's until the time they assessed me. I'm trying to appeal it because as one of my degrees is in autism I fear they have judged me too capable of needing a diagnosis.

So now I'm boldly going where a 40+ year old me hasn't gone before.

Yeah I am a big star trek fan, my first two email address had references to star trek in them. I also enjoy embroidery, quiz shows, history, map collecting, stamp collecting, a variety of music styles, karaoke, attending peer support groups based on my disabilities, eating out, travelling, conferences based on music or autism.

My current worries include my niece whose terminally ill, my cousin whose 50/50 going to live, my mother whose health is up and down, the members of the peer support communities that I volunteer with as they look up to me for guidance, trying to get my autism diagnosis back, trying to get my dental health sorted, trying to navigate the NHS, trying to navigate the peer support communities I'm not currently in, preparing for a few events with choir, etc yeah I'm very overloaded and busy.

Would love to hear from others with similar worries and/or interests.

A.
 
calypso

calypso

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Messages
43,581
Location
Lancashire
Hiya. That's quite a list of problems you have to navigate through. Who revoked your autism diagnosis and why? It seems odd after giving it to you. What is ehlers danlos syndrome? I don't know that one.

I am pleased that you got your gender reassignment, that must be such a relief to you. I doubt there are many on here who have such a list of problems as you do. But we know about suffering and distress on here. Was the PTSD from your childhood?

I hope others will be along soon to help you out with support.
 
daffy

daffy

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Dec 16, 2007
Messages
5,984
Location
hiding behind the sofa
Hi there trekster and welcome . There are a few on here that have suffered at the hand of their parents . Are you still in touch with them . You’ve certainly been thru a lot in your life and I’m glad that youve had your gender reassignment,I hope that it make you feel better now that it’s done. Is it completely over or do you still need further surgery. :hug:
 
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Trekster33

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 15, 2019
Messages
134
Location
South West UK
Hiya. That's quite a list of problems you have to navigate through. Who revoked your autism diagnosis and why? It seems odd after giving it to you. What is ehlers danlos syndrome? I don't know that one.

I am pleased that you got your gender reassignment, that must be such a relief to you. I doubt there are many on here who have such a list of problems as you do. But we know about suffering and distress on here. Was the PTSD from your childhood?

I hope others will be along soon to help you out with support.
I was reassessed for my autism because the NHS lost my medical records. They have to be protected when someone comes out as transgender but mine were removed instead. 30 years worth of records went. I suspect the person revoking my autism diagnosis doesn't recognise the masking type and the different presentation of transgender individuals that I have. There's rumours that he refuses to diagnose anyone who he perceives to be female (or was female) which is discrimination in itself. All seems to be covered up which is why I'm not mentioning which team did so as I think that's against the rules here?

Elhers danlos syndrome is when my collagen is faulty so one or more collagen bodily systems don't work properly. Only my back seems unaffected. All my other joints dislocate, my insides are stretchy because they cannot stay in the right position for long. This requires me to be on high strength opioids and causes sleep deficits amongst other things.

I have not had my full gender reassignment. The surgeries best to help with my gender identity are 5 at least. I've so far had three. There are two more to go before I've had my full gender reassignment surgery. Some of the trans community prefer to call it "gender recognition surgery" because the term acknowledges we are going towards our true genders. Every time I have surgery I fear I'm either going to die on the table or have another complication. I've had a few so far due to elhers danlos syndrome.

In some online communities I've been in there are many people with the same combination of difficulties as me. But each having a different presentation at times to each other. We all have different triggers etc. My cptsd is from prolonged childhood abuse but has been triggered off by some more recent events and the fact some people in my life keep insisting things are my fault etc when clearly they are not.

Thank you for replying also hoping others will be along to help.
 
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Trekster33

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 15, 2019
Messages
134
Location
South West UK
Hi there trekster and welcome . There are a few on here that have suffered at the hand of their parents . Are you still in touch with them . You’ve certainly been thru a lot in your life and I’m glad that youve had your gender reassignment,I hope that it make you feel better now that it’s done. Is it completely over or do you still need further surgery. :hug:
My main abuser is dead, the other one is still alive but I make sure anything she says to me also gets heard by trusted friends. I have had 3 of the 5 surgeries required for gender confirmation. There's at least another two years to go before it's all complete.

I feel better than I did before I started it but trying to also tackle the mental and physical health stuff has been very tiring on my brain. As each surgery has been completed, my distress moves to the next part that needs changing. I will have physical scars from the surgeries for quite sometime. But hopefully they will outweigh the pain I felt beforehand.

At least another two years until I am finished surgically. But with recent legislation about gender being debated I'm quite uneasy about things at the moment.
 
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Trekster33

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 15, 2019
Messages
134
Location
South West UK
Hi all an update still trying to get a second opinion that's better than a claimed 'gold star diagnostic service' that I've received. Considering there was a seven page report that I wrote about my experiences which is also being used against me. The walls are closing in and I'm at risk of loosing services because my diagnosis has been revoked. Also the report that claims I'm not autistic has not been sent to me. That's over a year later and a few months after being emotionally blackmailed into permitting this report to be released I still haven't received it and there's no reason why it hasn't been received. I'm lost wishing to access legal help but also scared of the consequences.
 
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