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Dazmond71

Member
Joined
Nov 21, 2014
Messages
11
Location
Yorkshire, England
I'm sick of feeling lie the way I do, everyday is a battle and I just don't feel safe anywhere. I feel like I've nowhere I can go, nobody I can turn to that understands. Being out in the big wide world on my own scares me to death and I'm sure I'm being followed again.

My girlfriend keeps pushing me to work but I've tried for so long to work with people and it's just too stressful. Tried a job working by myself, part time for 5 weeks but that just gives me time on my own to think and all I can think about is the past!

Coming to terms with mum and dad abusing me as a child, so can't turn to them. My girlfriend pushing me into work, I'm sure she doesn't understand and I've no friends to talk to.

The stress is just too much for me at the minute, I just want it all to stop! I'm close to rock bottom and have been there before and it's not a nice place to be. What do I do???
 
SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 17, 2012
Messages
13,531
Location
The West Country
Are you under the care of the mental health team at the moment?
If not, i'd make an appointment with your GP and tell them exactly how you're feeling.

Also, have you spoken about the abuse from your parents to a counsellor or therapist?

Is your girlfriend wanting you to work due to financial pressure, because if you're not already, perhaps claiming ESA might help while you focus on feeling better?
 
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Dazmond71

Member
Joined
Nov 21, 2014
Messages
11
Location
Yorkshire, England
Are you under the care of the mental health team at the moment?
If not, i'd make an appointment with your GP and tell them exactly how you're feeling.

Also, have you spoken about the abuse from your parents to a counsellor or therapist?

Is your girlfriend wanting you to work due to financial pressure, because if you're not already, perhaps claiming ESA might help while you focus on feeling better?
I am under the care of the CMHT locally but do not see my nurse for nearly three weeks. Everything was rosier last time we spoke, been offered a full time job as a support worker at a local care home, but as my start date gets closer I'm getting more and more scared and this is overlapping into other areas of my life including my kids and my girlfriend. I seem to be withdrawing completely from life as that's all I can do to help me feel safe.

I'm in a rut, I've got to stop self harming to get therapy but as I've harmed myself for so long, not doing it has removed my comfort blanket, so to speak. I feel really agitated.

Everything is scary and I've no idea how I'm going to cope with my impending birthday nor Christmas!!

I've recently had an assessment for therapy, and briefly touched on my parents behaviours in the past but
Not spoken to a counsellor.

We don't need me to work financially but I desperately want to find a job I can do without constantly being afraid of interactions with other people. I can't win with work, if I work with people I struggle on a social level if I work on my own, I have time to think about my problems which make me worse.

Feel out of control and I don't like it......
 
SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 17, 2012
Messages
13,531
Location
The West Country
Can you not phone the mental health team and say you need to be seen sooner than three weeks because you're feeling low?
I know it can be hard to make the effort when you're feeling low, but you know what they say about the squeaky wheel getting the oil - the more fuss you make, the more they'll pay attention.

I think working with MH issues is tough, and I respect anyone that tries and succeeds. I've never worked because I just don't know how i'd cope.

Are there any other ways you've found that help that aren't self-harming? Going for a walk or run, scribbling swear words on a piece of paper, etc.
I suppose they're thinking that therapy will bring up painful emotions and so they need to know you'll be able to cope, but on the other hand, how are you supposed to feel better without it? It's a catch-22 isn't it.
 
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Dazmond71

Member
Joined
Nov 21, 2014
Messages
11
Location
Yorkshire, England
I have booked an appointment to see my gp this afternoon, as my scalp is very sore from self harming, think I might have an infection. Will try and speak to her re how I'm feeling but it's difficult talking to people about my feelings.

I'll let you know how I get on.....

I go running and have just done a 10k for mind and that helps, but when I stop the thoughts all just start again, it's very distressing and isolating.
 
Purple Chaos

Purple Chaos

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 23, 2014
Messages
1,079
I just wanted to wish you luck with your doctors appointment.

If you have problems talking about your feelings, I would recommend writing down your concerns and then, if you feel you can't say what you want to, you can just hand the piece of paper over. I always recommend writing things down.

I wish you well.
 
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Dazmond71

Member
Joined
Nov 21, 2014
Messages
11
Location
Yorkshire, England
Thank you.....I know what I want to say, it's just difficult with new people, even if it is the doctor.

Will let you know how I get on
 
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Dazmond71

Member
Joined
Nov 21, 2014
Messages
11
Location
Yorkshire, England
So......my scalp was not as bad as I thought it was. Got my meds on repeat and my gp told me to take one day at a time and persevere with not harming. She said I was doing well and to speak to crisis team or CMHT If I was struggling.

My girlfriend is working away til Wednesday and her not being at home appears to be one of my triggers. Being on my own is not good for me as I have time to think. I wish she was at home.

Been thinking of putting all my worries to the back of my mind, even if just for tonight. Tomorrow is another day.....

Feel quite calm but have a family do on Sunday which I feel quite stressed about but one day at at time.
 
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SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 17, 2012
Messages
13,531
Location
The West Country
I think there's a lot of wisdom in the "one day at a time" approach.
There's no use in worrying about tomorrow, it only stresses you out and doesn't really change anything.
I'm glad that you're ok physically though. Well done for going to the doctors.

Try to keep yourself busy until your girlfriend comes back.
I agree having too much time alone to think it's always good.
 
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