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Tired of self harming

  • Thread starter AnotherStrawberry
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AnotherStrawberry

AnotherStrawberry

Member
Joined
Nov 2, 2019
Messages
5
Location
Portugal
I've self harmed since I was a young teenager.
No one ever found out or noticed the injuries. Never cared to hide it either. Truth be told I wanted attention, I wanted help. But ever since I was a child I was taught to never speak up about my problems so I didn't really know what to do.
Back then self harming felt like a high. Words can't really describe what I felt but I'm sure some of you know.

Eventually I got bored with it. Like many things in life, it just started to feel like nothing so why was I doing it? I wish people in this forum would get the better half of my "epiphany." Meaning it would be nice if you could get the willpower to stop. But I'm not here to be preachy, I know how difficult things are.

(Next paragraph will be a little descriptive. I apologize. If this is not ok, please delete the thread mods. Thank you.)

However, more than 20 years later I got back into it. Because I missed that "high" and was disappointed when I felt nothing. Absolutely nothing. No relief, more frustrated than before. Then I tried different methods of self harm. And boy, was that a mistake for me. Now instead of worrying about disinfecting injuries I'm worried about these craters on my skin. Perhaps a bit too worried to the point it's making me feel worse than when I was before I self harmed. I feel dumb.

So I don't think this is for me anymore. At least I have evidence that I need professional help now. Glass half full...

Thank you for reading, I hope my post wasn't too preachy! ❤
 
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