Tips for not worrying about loved ones' moods?

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TinyWeeMouse

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#1
A couple of times lately, I have thought that my husband seemed quiet/low. Because I'm at the tail end of an anxiety attack, I'm still worrying about some things that I probably shouldn't worry about. For example, in reality, I know he's probably just not talkative because he's tired after working but my head is saying things like "what have I done?" and "he's going to leave me and the kids." I know these things are both unlikely but my brain still says them. I know that if there was something I needed to know, he would tell me but this anxiety is still hanging around a little.

I also know that my husband is far more patient than I am and if it was the other way round, and he was pointing out what he perceived my mood to be, or suggested that I might want to leave him and the kids, I would be annoyed. Does anyone have any tips on how to combat this? I know I should just let him be in whatever mood he is in but it's bloody difficult.
 
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Pink1234

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#2
If, as you say, your husband is more patient than you, would it help to just say something along the lines of "You seem a bit low today, is everything ok, or am I just imagining it?"

I find that many anxieties or worries are without foundation so I always encourage my wife to speak up if she seems troubled - A problem shared and all that!
 
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TinyWeeMouse

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#3
Thanks Pink, I have done that and he usually just answers that he's fine but my anxious mind fills in the blanks and then I wind myself up and convince myself that he's fed up, he'd be happier without me etc. It's only when I'm in this frame of mind. It's horrible. Maybe he has absorbed some of my mood :-(
 
Urban Hermit

Urban Hermit

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#4
Thanks Pink, I have done that and he usually just answers that he's fine but my anxious mind fills in the blanks and then I wind myself up and convince myself that he's fed up, he'd be happier without me etc. It's only when I'm in this frame of mind. It's horrible. Maybe he has absorbed some of my mood :-(
I think if you can have open and honest dialogue and try to remember that you both care about eachother then some worries can be reassured quickly X

I think that me and my girlfriend to start with would say 'yes I'm fine' because we worried about the other person feeling like they had in some way caused the mood, but now we are really honest and are if we feel bad we say so, so that when we say we are okay the other person knows that we are being honest and that appears to really help xx
 
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EstherRose94

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#6
A couple of times lately, I have thought that my husband seemed quiet/low. Because I'm at the tail end of an anxiety attack, I'm still worrying about some things that I probably shouldn't worry about. For example, in reality, I know he's probably just not talkative because he's tired after working but my head is saying things like "what have I done?" and "he's going to leave me and the kids." I know these things are both unlikely but my brain still says them. I know that if there was something I needed to know, he would tell me but this anxiety is still hanging around a little.

I also know that my husband is far more patient than I am and if it was the other way round, and he was pointing out what he perceived my mood to be, or suggested that I might want to leave him and the kids, I would be annoyed. Does anyone have any tips on how to combat this? I know I should just let him be in whatever mood he is in but it's bloody difficult.
I do this too! 🙈. Lately I’ve been doing my best to not let my anxious brain make the decisions. Lol.
 
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TinyWeeMouse

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#7
Thanks EstherRose. When I get rational about it, I think about how it would seem if I flipped it round. I would be annoyed at him asking me all the time if I'm sure that I'm ok and if he said he'd be worried about me leaving him/the kids. I need to remember that. I know I am being irrational when I'm like that. Thank goodness it's not all the time!
 

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