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Tips for long distance relationship with a person with depression?

C

catsgomeow123

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Apr 16, 2020
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I'm currently in a long distance relationship with a person that has depression. We are only able to see each other twice a year, but we are maintaining healthy contact via video calling and texting.

I was wondering if anyone had any tips to offer? I'm very new to long distance relationships, and relationships with someone that has depression.

I look forward to reading your replies!
 
M

Mister_Fabulous formerly BetaMale

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Just remember that you may mean the world to this person, so be gentle.
 
calypso

calypso

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Reassure them that they are not being boring or silly. That this is an illness and they can get treatment for it. Gently suggest therapy to help them through the depression. But don't push anything too hard, listening is more important than trying to solve it for them.

Do you know what triggered the depression? There is usually something no matter how apparently small it may seem sometimes. I suggest you ask gently and carefully. But it all depends on how long you have known them and how well you know them at the moment.
 
C

catsgomeow123

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Joined
Apr 16, 2020
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Location
Hong Kong
Reassure them that they are not being boring or silly. That this is an illness and they can get treatment for it. Gently suggest therapy to help them through the depression. But don't push anything too hard, listening is more important than trying to solve it for them.

Do you know what triggered the depression? There is usually something no matter how apparently small it may seem sometimes. I suggest you ask gently and carefully. But it all depends on how long you have known them and how well you know them at the moment.
Thanks for your reply! Your comments are really helpful!
The cause of the depression has always been unclear. Their psychiatrist said its most likely triggered by bad childhood experiences, and extremely stressful high school years.
 
calypso

calypso

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OK. Then I would suggest that you listen and guide the conversation around to asking very carefully about their childhood but at the first sign of them getting flustered you back off a bit and just say you will be there for them. Also don't just talk about the depression, obviously, but other things going on in their and your lives so that you can make sure you are building on the relationship.

Depression has multi layers and can be severe in some cases. Its all down to how they perceive their problem. How dominant is it and can they find a way through it themselves? Are they on medications and are they working? Have they got access to counselling or therapy of any kind? Perhaps ask them if they would like to draw pictures or write poems about it. Im just throwing things out there right now. You are a kind and thoughtful partner to be so aware of their needs
 
JessisMe

JessisMe

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I'm currently in a long distance relationship with a person that has depression. We are only able to see each other twice a year, but we are maintaining healthy contact via video calling and texting.

I was wondering if anyone had any tips to offer? I'm very new to long distance relationships, and relationships with someone that has depression.

I look forward to reading your replies!
I’d just enjoy your time with them and be a good shoulder to lean on when things get rough. They should have coping skills for their depression outside of the relationship so it shouldn’t put too much stress on you. Don’t fall into the therapist role, you are the romantic partner. If it seems like they are getting to a place where they could use some therapy recommend this to them Show love but maintain strong boundaries so you do not become a crutch for them and their illness. Be a bright light in their life just by being you. 😊
 
D

Dal

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Apr 15, 2020
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usa
Firstly, right on for maintaining the videos and communicating.
I'm on the other end as the person with Depression in a similar situation.
I would say, just be understanding, and continue on with what you were doing.
The smallest thing could mean the biggest thing to them.
 
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