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Time to get this off my chest...

C

ConfusedAthlete

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Jan 4, 2015
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Hi all. I've been meaning to post something for a while.
I have been suffering with an eating disorder for over 2 years now. Only recently did I get the courage to go to my GP- I was almost in tears when I did. I've just quit my job (at a restaurant) which was a major trigger and should therefore be a key step to recovery so thought writing down my thoughts might help. I have had no help of my family who tell me simply to have more willpower which just makes me feel more useless.

I'm a 19 year old male. I'm an endurance athlete with a very slim build and high metabolism. I had always had a bit of attention and guilt when eating when younger but I've always loved sweet things and always had lots of it. Used to eat loads with a massive appetite, both for pleasure and comfort, but never overweight. I was a competitive runner and being physically active always gave me a mindset that I could eat badly and not feel guilty anymore.

I picked up an injury which put me out of training fo a year and a half. I lost my escape. I got obsessed with eating healthy instead yet started comforting myself with uncontrollable binging. I tried everything but that just deepened the bad habits and mind games. It worried me so much that I started purging and binging more because I knew I could get rid of it. It went on for a long time- I didn't have any bulimic episodes for a long time apart from the occasional one when I had access to lots of food, or really stressful/emotional occasions.

I tried everything. My general diet and meals were extremely healthy- high fibre, healthy proteins and fats, omega 3, high fruit and veg, low refined carbs- but it was the snacks and binging in between that ruined it. I eventually got back to training but couldn't break the habit. I would now binge out of boredom or anything really. Then try and go cold turkey and one bite would make me think 'I may as well eat it all so I won't want any tomorrow'. I have the mental ability to push myself on huge cycling challenges and this is what frustrates me- why don't I have the strength to beat this? It's the hardest thing I've had to overcome. I don't purge anymore but I'm seriously concerned that my frequent snacking is going to cause Diabetes if the harm hasn't already been done- even though I'm training 4 or 5 days a week. It makes me feel awful. My mind is fixated on food. It brings no pleasure anymore. I want some sense of normality like everybody else where I can enjoy an occasional treat. The most I've managed cold turkey from certain foods is a week- I felt so much better. Even a meal plan worked for a week- but even with the healthy routine, I still binged on junk in between, negating the benefit. I've tried to remove myself from junk but my family keep buying it. I have a high stress, busy lifestyle so can't see it changing soon. I'm still superbly fit otherwise, extremely lean, but my constant binges cannot be healthy.

Any thoughts or similar experience are hugely appreciated... and also some reassurance that I'm not likely to have caused Diabetes.

Tom
 
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M

Mastiff mom

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 22, 2014
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Location
Washington,DC
So sorry you are struggling with this. In the US we have OA over eaters anonymous which helps a lot of people. My understanding is that sugar can be addictive. I've experienced this myself. I now have Diabetes and have to watch my diet like a hawk. I avoid sugar because I noticed when I ate it, I craved it more and more. But once I broke the habit, it was fairly easy to avoid. Have you considered seeing a nutritionist?
 
*autumn*

*autumn*

ACCOUNT CLOSED
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Nov 1, 2014
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here
Hi tom, welcome to the forum.
"The strength to beat it" was the part that stood out for me.
Perhaps it is this mindset that is causing you concern and maybe finding a happy medium would benefit you more.
Best wishes to you.
 
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