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Time To Change

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Pumpkin17

New member
Joined
Apr 1, 2015
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4
Location
Yorkshire
This is the first time I've opened up about mental health to anyone. For the past year I have been suffering with an eating disorder and/or depression/anxiety (not really sure what it is) and I have managed to keep it well hidden and disguised to everyone and anyone in my life. I realise it's important to talk about your mental health and I do have the best supportive family and friends yet I still find it virtually impossible to share with them my weaknesses and issues. So I have at least taken my first step to recovery by sharing my experience anonymously online.

I've always had issues with my self esteem and how I look, I've always been slim but always focused on my flaws and wanting to improve myself. It started last year when I wanted to lose weight so I started dieting which was almost painful for me to keep up since I've always enjoyed and eaten whatever I like without fear of consequences. My 'diet' failed within a couple of months but that constant awareness of what I ate still lingered and has been there ever since. I'm constantly thinking about food and counting calories and trying to eat healthily yet I have a binge eating disorder that I'm fully aware of yet can't seem to control, the more I try to control my diet the more likely and worse I am to binge on foods I have labelled unhealthy. I've read a number of books and done my research yet I feel like there's an underlying issue that needs to be addressed, I'm not sure whether I'm depressed because of my eating disorder or my eating disorder occurred because I'm depressed although I did notice the symptoms for depression a while after I lost control with my relationship with food.

Since Septemeber, since I started my first year of university (which I think was partly to blame), I haven't felt like myself at all. I don't enjoy doing most things, particularly stuff I used to love doing like spending time with my friends and family. My relationships with my family and friends are suffering because I'm so irritable and withdrawn lately and it feels like it's escalating quickly. I'm so snappy and impolite and I just want to be on my own all the time. I'm very self aware and I know my family and friends have noticed my distant/moody behaviour, but I don't think they're aware of the extent of it, I wish they knew but I'm too afraid to tell them since "I'm the one that's always done so well in life and for myself", I've always been the 'good' one and 'normal' one. My sister suffered from depression and my mum has suffered mentally with other things so I know they'd be understanding. I don't want to appear weak or just thought about negatively in general. (I have a really big issue with caring about what people think of me.)

Anyway, these past couple of month I haven't felt like myself, I don't enjoy life, I feel like I'm having a mid life crisis or something, I just want to be happy and bubbly again. I'm suffering with insomnia and I'm constantly thinking/worrying to the point where I get lost in my own thoughts. I feel like I should seek professional help and go to my GP but again it's the stigma of having a mental health issue and the fear of them not understanding and the fear of how I'm going to recover from this. I could literally go on forever but I've tried to sum it all up as much as I can. I would appreciate more than anything any advice on ways I can try and cope and overcome this on my own or where to even begin with recovery would be so helpful.
 
catkin

catkin

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Mar 21, 2011
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in a bit of a ravel
Hi, welcome, I think the first step is to see your GP. Do you get on with yours? Find one that you feel comfortable with and tell them what's going on for you. Write it down perhaps if that helps, ( I always go blank when I have appointments!) The first offer seems to usually be meds or then talking therapies, although often a wait for these.
Re the BED, I have been asking for help with this for many years, services are scarce if you have a high bmi (not sure if this is the case for you though?). Maybe you could ask for an ED assessment?
One step at a time.
Good luck and I hope you find that it helps being here xx
 
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Pumpkin17

New member
Joined
Apr 1, 2015
Messages
4
Location
Yorkshire
Hi, thanks catkin for the response! I don't have my own GP I have always just seen who's available when I've needed to so I think that's what's making it abit more difficult to see one. Thanks for the tip, I'll make a few notes in preperation, just need to book an appointment now but I keep putting it off :( my bmi is healthy and I was worried about that, I'll ask about the ED assessment, I wouldn't have thought of that asking for that I probably would have just said I have BED and I don't know what to do about it. Thank you for your support xx
 
Cazcat

Cazcat

Well-known member
Staff Member on Leave
Joined
Sep 12, 2013
Messages
2,423
Hi,

As well as seeing a GP your Uni will probably have a counseling service, its very common for people to need menrak health input at Uni when they adjusting to the changes it brings and most are well set up to support students with this. If your not sure where to look do you have a personal tutor alocated to you as they will be able to help. There will probably be a shorter waiting list going through the Uni too.

Well done for acknowledging the problem and seeking help, thats the bigest step.
 

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