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Throwing It Back

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FallenAngel2

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Joined
Nov 8, 2014
Messages
366
Yay. How great is everything. Just lying bed until the sedation wears off and all will be good. That's been my routine. Hours of sleep and not alot else. There is not alot I can say really. If this is going to be representative of the next 30 years. Stop and start functionality, then frankly I want no part of it. Going to doctors appointments with my Mum and it feels like one mixed up translation. I express how I feel, my Mum then tries to put a spin on it and then the doctor comes to his own conclusions about the way I feel. It's like we are kidding ourselves with this routine.

There's a deep resignation I am not living a healthy life and this routine is not having the desired effect. Still feeling crap? Let's take more meds. Ermmmm no. Maybe the problem is that the treatment is so mundane and repetative, whats the point? I see no way forward......
 
Davey Blueeyes

Davey Blueeyes

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Joined
Jul 22, 2013
Messages
756
Location
Isle of Wight
The way forward is with us FallenAngel2, we know that the system is broken and that's why we are all here, as friends, supporting each other.

There is a future for you. Keep talking to us and we will help you find it
Davey x
 
tiltawhirl

tiltawhirl

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Joined
Oct 30, 2010
Messages
5,065
Location
Bristol, TN/VA, USA (near mountains and 6 hours fr
sounds a lot like my life.

In fact I am getting ready to go take a nap, having not accomplished much toward what I need to get done today.
But I am not giving up.

Honestly I had such bad sleep for years that I LOVE sleeping now. I sleep too much but damn it feels good.

My meds are all sedating but they have been such a tremendous help mentally that I just need to learn to accept but not give in.
I have to learn to make and meet doable goals each day.

It is hard to think of living the rest of one's life in a diminished capacity except that I am so grateful for the mental and emotional improvement that I intend to just form a new normal in my life. Similar to the way my partner has and is changing his lifestyle from a diabetes dx.

Living with my illness untreated is far more disruptive and dangerous.

I am so much more than my illness and so are you!
 
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FallenAngel2

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Joined
Nov 8, 2014
Messages
366
Thanks guys.

It's like I am not responding to the treatment. That's what is frustrating. We are running around in circles ending up where we were before. It's highly frustrating.
 
Davey Blueeyes

Davey Blueeyes

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Joined
Jul 22, 2013
Messages
756
Location
Isle of Wight
Thanks guys.

It's like I am not responding to the treatment. That's what is frustrating. We are running around in circles ending up where we were before. It's highly frustrating.
The thing is FA2 is that progress is never a straight line. I make 2 steps forward and then 1/2/3/4 steps back. But each time I get up and start moving forward again and i'll keep doing it no matter how many times I fall down.
Davey x
 
Grape

Grape

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Joined
Aug 2, 2014
Messages
1,213
Location
England
Are you depressed fallen or is it sedation from meds? I used to be on an anti psychotic and switched to lamotrigine and it seems to have helped with that left over depression that the anti psychotic didn't treat. It also has left me much less sedated, flat, unmotivated. I'm sorry you are feeling so despondent. It's crap dealing with this illness/medication etc.
 
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FallenAngel2

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Nov 8, 2014
Messages
366
Well Grape where to start.

Firstly I need to get off the Quetiapine. This 400mg dose is kicking my ass and if it isn't the sedation and 16 hour sleeps that are getting me down, it's the bloating that comes with it. Feels like I am on it as punishment or something. The goal is to get off them as soon as I can. Got at least another couple of weeks of this.

Secondly life in general. Get messages and calls from friends I know in procurement and other friends. They talk about the world and goings on in their lives and it either gets me down or briskly laugh. The more we talk the more I want to withdraw. Underneath some of the positivity I sense resentment and disenchantment. I could be wrong, but it's what I feel as a reaction. It's not fair to tell these guys to shut up or what have you. At some stage I have to accept the world for what it is. I can't change it.

Lastly moving forward. What or how do I keep on doing that to avoid these blips in the road? They bring me down and completely de-stabilise my life. I can't work, function or interact. It's rubbish. I wish I had the comfort of someone that could hide me from the world.

If I can influence those 3 I might start to live more.
 
Grape

Grape

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Joined
Aug 2, 2014
Messages
1,213
Location
England
Sedation doesn't make for a life of good quality does it. It is like a veil separating you from happiness and life. I hope you manage to get off the quetiapine safely. Are you swapping it for something else or trying without meds? I went without meds for about 11 months and it was really tough going. But equally unpleasant is the ssedation. What a shame we have to contend with one or the other.

Bumps in the road are tought too when you have this illness and are more susceptible to stress. I find each knockback leaves me running under the duvet but i think i'm getting stronger. Things are changing. I think we have to keep our lives and those in it just so, to protect ourselves from these blips/bumps.
 
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FallenAngel2

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 8, 2014
Messages
366
Well regarding the Quetiapine it's not a guarantee I will be off it when I see the doctors and CPN. I want to swap the Quetiapine out and get back on Abilify. That's when I was at my most stable.

I hate these bumps. I just want curl under my duvet too.
 
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