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Thought of losing my best friend - anxiety getting worse

C

CharmingJunkie

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Joined
Jan 5, 2015
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11
have struggled with anxiety most of my life (21 now) but recently it has got worse.
We have been best friends since school, eight or nine years and I love her like a sister, her boyfriend is also best friends with my boyfriend.
We go on holiday every year together and have done for probably about four years now.
But recently she's gotten a lot closer to this other girl and it's really worrying me. My anxiety got worse when this couple asked them to go away with them next year. We might still be going away with them too but I felt like that was something that meant something between us that doesn't anymore.
We spend most of our time together and we could go on for hours but now this other couple is asking them to do things all the time.
I understand that we have other friends (and I do too) and that's completely normal but i don't think this girl just wants to be another friend, she wants what we have.
Change has always made me anxious and I think that's the problem, i've lost the certainty I had before. I always had certainty that on special occasions we ALWAYS do something together but now I can't assume that they'll do something with us. For example, we always do something for new years but this new couple kept asking to do something and my friend said that "we asked first" so they did something with us. I don't want to feel that pressure, as before it wouldn't have even crossed anyone's mind that we wouldn't do something together.
I know this may sound childish, it does to me sometimes but it's getting to the point that these thoughts are constantly going round my head and I don't know how to stop them. Whenever something new happens or even just when I'm on my own I feel my heart starting to race, and my stomach is turning, sometimes it feels like someone has punched me in the stomach.
I hope this doesn't sound too pathetic to everyone, I just hope that there is someone who has been through or is going throug the same or something similar that may be able to help.
The only person I've spoken to is my boyfriend and he is so understanding and really tries to help but as he's never experienced anxiety before it's hard for him to completely get it.
I don't want to talk to my friend about it because I know it'll come across sounding ridiculous and may just push her away and make her feel lik she has to hide things from me.
 
SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

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I don't want to talk to my friend about it because I know it'll come across sounding ridiculous and may just push her away and make her feel lik she has to hide things from me.
Do you really think she'd react like that, or is it your anxiety that's making you believe she'll take what you say badly?

I don't think you sound pathetic at all. It sounds like you're struggling with anxiety anyway, but this situation with your friend is a particular trigger and is making you feel a bit insecure.

I'm sure that deep down, your friend will always value your friendship more as you've known each other for longer and it sounds like you're really close.

Do you think you could be reassured by talking to your friend about your worries, or do you feel that your worries are deeper than that?
What I mean is, sometimes in spite of assurance, anxiety can continue regardless because that's just how anxiety is.

I have to say that there's a situation similar to this in my own life, except i'm the 'other friend'.
One of my friends has a best friend, they've known each other since they were small children, and my friend describes her as a sister.
The thing is, I know that they're really close and I respect that. I wouldn't seek to change their friendship in any way. I'd hate to think i'd caused friction between them.
But it's very hard, because my friend's friend doesn't seem to like me very much at all. I think she feels insecure and as though i'm trying to take her friend away, but that's far from the case.
So yeah, speaking from someone who understands this kind of dynamic from the other's perspective, you don't know what this new couple are feeling. I'm sure that if they are mature, kind people they'll completely understand that you've got a strong bond with your friend and nothing will change that.
 
C

CharmingJunkie

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Joined
Jan 5, 2015
Messages
11
Thank you for replying!! I spoke to my friend about it when she first booked the holiday and said I was a bit hurt by it and she said that no one will ever replace me and everything, it made me feel better for a short amount of time but then when something else happened between them I felt anxious again!
I completely understand that that might be the situation with the other friend but i feel like she doesn respect our relationship. Like nagging her to do something on New Years eve and inviting them on holiday.
Another example is that I've been helping her alot with work and she told her other friend that who said that she wouldn't be helping her so don't bother asking. But then a week later she's inviting her over her house to go over interview questions.
It might all be in my head, and it's probably likely I just don't know how to get over it.
I don't want to feel like this, I want to be okay with it and happy with everything I'm just not sure how.
Thanks again!! If you have any more advice id really appreciate it.
 

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