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Thought I was getting better, not so

B

biggerdandy

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 5, 2014
Messages
196
Im realizing just how crap my life is right now it seems.

My friends never call, its me putting in the effort. I feel extremely lonely.

I've completely retreated from the idea of finding someone special: I still have no sexual functions, and my gender identity makes it very hard to like how I look. I'm not out in public either. There's someone I like too, but things arent looking too promising when Im like this.

I'm working on my degree, but it seems hard to get creative when Im this miserable. ive got my next module starting in a few weeks when the holiday ends, but I honestly just dont care at this point.

Im job hunting to try to get some money on board, but Im not getting anywhere. Not even bars, shops, take aways, fastfood places or supermarkets are taking me.

Despite being an animator, I feel devoid of any real applicable skills or talent that can help me get lasting work. I feel like Im actually not very smart, or creative in fact.

Recently it has become apparent I have a pelvis problem with the small bones in my sacroliac area. I cant do much physically and havent been allowed to exercise for several weeks on physio's orders, being this inactive is driving me round the bend, considering exercise was what I used to combat low mood.

It's FAR too easy to procrastinate. I spend too much time on facebook, or trying to plan my goals of heading abroad to further my martial arts training in hopes of one day actually being good at something I like, but again, back is keeping me from doing anything, and I dont know how long its going to take to fix. Doesnt help the time I need to spend sitting for my animation work and degree counters the physio I have.

I feel like I have too much time, yet no freedom to actually do anything fullfilling with that time.
 
Purple Chaos

Purple Chaos

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Oct 23, 2014
Messages
1,079
Sorry to hear that you're feeling low. You seem to be getting knock after knock (friends, job hunting, health problems etc.) and it's not surprising that it's built up and is getting a bit too much to cope with. This obviously has been made worse by the fact you can't exercise to combat your low mood.

Your feelings of misery and belief that you are not smart, creative, skillful go hand in hand with a low mood and are hopefully just temporary thoughts that will dissipate as your health improves and you are able to exercise more.

Do you know how much longer you have to see the physio for? Do you have to have any other treatment for your pelvic problems?

I hope that things improve for you soon :hug1:
 
B

biggerdandy

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 5, 2014
Messages
196
I continue to feel worse. I feel like theres no purpose or sense of achievement or gain in anything I do. i think I may need to start making some serious life decisions soon or Im gonna lose it. Ive had a lot of thoughts about death recently, and Ive entertained the idea of selfharming again. Im trying to get back into CBT but things are going to take a while for that.
 
Purple Chaos

Purple Chaos

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 23, 2014
Messages
1,079
That's big pants :( Sorry things are continuing to get worse. It's awful that the waiting times for CBT are so long. Is there any other therapy or counselling available to you? It might be worth visiting your GP to ask for help, particularly if you're thinking of death and self-harm.

Are you taking your degree at uni, or is it an OU/distant learning course? I only ask as, if at uni, there should be a counsellor available. Would talking to them be an option for you?

Please try to distract yourself from thoughts of self-harm. It's very difficult getting out of that cycle if you start again.

Take care.
 
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