G
- Joined
- Jul 17, 2017
- Messages
- 226
I'm creating this thread in order to discuss and hear opinions on what I can only reliably describe as people interacting with one's thoughts in some way. I'm desperate to understand what the hell is happening. I mean, I can't believe humanity is actually in the dark about a phenomenon that is absolutely real and basically the most interesting thing we have come across so far as a species (in my opinion, of course). I would love to read anybody's take on this, especially if you've been through something similar.
For me, it all started in the later half of last year. My worsening depression and the drugs I was taking (mostly weed and alcohol) were starting to take its toll on my psyche, and I could feel nothing but anguish and mental discomfort at every waking moment. After a bad acid trip the delusions an paranoia started. At first it just felt like people nearby were talking about me, and it went from neutral to demeaning and derogatory really quickly. All of a sudden I couldn't be outside without having people talk about me and accuse me of being someone I am not. Taking the bus or the train were like hell for a few months, especially when I noticed that people were supposedly listening to my thoughts and my perception went from delusion of reference to thought broadcasting. Then there was this one time when I got high on some good weed with some friends and was lying down on a mattress with a sleeping mask, just thinking, when all of a sudden I start listening to them in my head an we talk for some time. This is when I started really thinking about what in the world was happening to me. I became obsessed and this was all that was in my head, day and night, for months. To make matters worse, my parents sent me to a rehab clinic because I wasn't going to university and work. I spent three months there, and the first month or so was torture. Every night as I tried to sleep the other guys there and the guards all had a good time having a laugh over my thoughts, and I was locked with a bunch of other people making remarks about my thoughts and myself all day long. The meals with everyone together in the cafeteria were also very distressing. During the worst times there my mind became a depressing pit of sick, disturbing, crazy, delusional thoughts. I was trying to mentally communicate with the people, the wind and at night even with damn cricket sounds. Anyways, after the first month or so I started getting better. I don't know if it was the medication I was taking there (Risperidone and Citalopram) or the fact that I stopped doing drugs altogether (this is what I suspect), but the thought broadcasting, synchronicity, spiritual awakening, gang stalking, whatever (I had been over hundreds of theories at this point) actually stopped. After I got out a couple of weeks went by and hung out with some friends and consumed some alcohol and weed, which made it all come back, but this time I managed to deal with it.
Fast forward a few months of crazy experiences and getting used to them and I can actually say I'm learning to live with it. The depraved intrusive thoughts are getting better and I don't think I'm depressed anymore. Also, now it happens only sometimes, but when I smoke weed now it gets too real and I usually can't deal with it without thinking a bunch of bad stuff. The worst thing is that I still don't understand what is happening at all. I know it's real, as I've collected enough anecdotal evidence to convince myself that it is, but I still don't know what, how or why it's happening. I have read every single theory out there about it, and there are some convincing ones like the one that somehow people unconsciously listen to the thoughts and answer them without even knowing it's happening, but there are times when it just seems like they are plainly conscious of what you're thinking, which is painful to think of when you consider that it happens with friends and family as well.
For me, it all started in the later half of last year. My worsening depression and the drugs I was taking (mostly weed and alcohol) were starting to take its toll on my psyche, and I could feel nothing but anguish and mental discomfort at every waking moment. After a bad acid trip the delusions an paranoia started. At first it just felt like people nearby were talking about me, and it went from neutral to demeaning and derogatory really quickly. All of a sudden I couldn't be outside without having people talk about me and accuse me of being someone I am not. Taking the bus or the train were like hell for a few months, especially when I noticed that people were supposedly listening to my thoughts and my perception went from delusion of reference to thought broadcasting. Then there was this one time when I got high on some good weed with some friends and was lying down on a mattress with a sleeping mask, just thinking, when all of a sudden I start listening to them in my head an we talk for some time. This is when I started really thinking about what in the world was happening to me. I became obsessed and this was all that was in my head, day and night, for months. To make matters worse, my parents sent me to a rehab clinic because I wasn't going to university and work. I spent three months there, and the first month or so was torture. Every night as I tried to sleep the other guys there and the guards all had a good time having a laugh over my thoughts, and I was locked with a bunch of other people making remarks about my thoughts and myself all day long. The meals with everyone together in the cafeteria were also very distressing. During the worst times there my mind became a depressing pit of sick, disturbing, crazy, delusional thoughts. I was trying to mentally communicate with the people, the wind and at night even with damn cricket sounds. Anyways, after the first month or so I started getting better. I don't know if it was the medication I was taking there (Risperidone and Citalopram) or the fact that I stopped doing drugs altogether (this is what I suspect), but the thought broadcasting, synchronicity, spiritual awakening, gang stalking, whatever (I had been over hundreds of theories at this point) actually stopped. After I got out a couple of weeks went by and hung out with some friends and consumed some alcohol and weed, which made it all come back, but this time I managed to deal with it.
Fast forward a few months of crazy experiences and getting used to them and I can actually say I'm learning to live with it. The depraved intrusive thoughts are getting better and I don't think I'm depressed anymore. Also, now it happens only sometimes, but when I smoke weed now it gets too real and I usually can't deal with it without thinking a bunch of bad stuff. The worst thing is that I still don't understand what is happening at all. I know it's real, as I've collected enough anecdotal evidence to convince myself that it is, but I still don't know what, how or why it's happening. I have read every single theory out there about it, and there are some convincing ones like the one that somehow people unconsciously listen to the thoughts and answer them without even knowing it's happening, but there are times when it just seems like they are plainly conscious of what you're thinking, which is painful to think of when you consider that it happens with friends and family as well.
