This may sound odd!

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Darkveldt

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#1
Does it get on anyone's nerves/distress you when people say to you 'you look well'It does me and whenever someone says it I relapse and go back to old habits.Like a hairdresser said it to me and a man In the street.It made me really distressed and reinforced in me the urge to stop grooming myself and eating well.
 
BleachedViolet

BleachedViolet

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#2
Depends the context/source...

The random man on the street might throw me off. Like when it's unwarranted or out of nowhere. Yeah, that's kinda strange.

As for your hairdresser, I worked as a hairdresser for my 20's. I ultimately quit bc it involved too much socializing for my liking, and I'd leave work emotionally and physically depleted every day. Though perhaps annoying to you, as someone who's worked that job, you're kind of on autopilot most of the day and just arbitrarily say things to fill the time/potential for awkward silences or encounters. I'm not saying it was disingenuous, but I wouldn't even really let that one get under your skin.

You should've (or are lucky you didn't) had to suffer some of the insipid gossip or idle chit chat I'd endure day in/day out bc you have to be 'on' all the time... I had 1 customer with whom I was instructed not to speak at all - he was either intensely socially awkward or on the autism spectrum - and he was my favorite client. Very polite and gave my mind a rest so I could just work.

But I get it, I think. Like, if you know me and I look 'well', did I look unwell prior or is there newfound pressure to keep up appearances or, conversely, rebel against that entirely.

So discount the hairdresser. Man on the street probably thought he was being charming, unaware of the randomness or unwanted (on your end) appearance assessment.

I'm horrible with compliments, but for my own, deep rooted reasons...
 
BleachedViolet

BleachedViolet

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#3
I may be entirely off and am many times. I just wanted to offer insight into the hairdresser's mindset and hope that it might ease whatever was triggered...
 
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Darkveldt

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#4
Yeah that was probably the case of the hairdresser and the man is weird and odd i think he has issues himself.He is odd and keeps appearing.
 
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Darkveldt

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#5
I am all right now.I was told by my Father I just can't ruin my looks and have accepted now I am attractive and embrace this.I took drugs purged to look ugly.It didn't work and I am pleased it didnt.I think appearance is importantxx
 
BleachedViolet

BleachedViolet

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#6
Yeah that was probably the case of the hairdresser and the man is weird and odd i think he has issues himself.He is odd and keeps appearing.
Is he one of those local eccentrics/oddballs that people see everywhere but don't know anything really about - like if they're mentally ill/homeless/etc... The ones that occasionally say something random in passing but otherwise are off in their own world?

He probably wasn't even cognizant or aware of your discomfort. I'm sorry these recent encounters have triggered whatever it is you're currently living with (I don't wish to pry...)

If it makes you feel better, and I mean this in a humorous tone (but in no manner intend to make light of your question/reaction to these interactions...) I was having a cigarette on the street just outside my work at the aforementioned hairdresser job... Anyway, decked out in my finest apron and old black Jean's... And a 'sweet looking' little old man approaches me. He is repeating a question, but his thick, eastern European accent prevents me from catching what he's trying to express.

Tired and trying to go back to my smoke, I assume it's a either directions or the time. So I keep saying "it's 2:21" (or whatever). Then I lean closer, cigarette now burnt out, sighing begrudgingly when he says it one last time and I realize he's asking "How. Much. For. Sex"!??!

I wish my camel was still lit. I just spat out a mixture of a laugh and an expletive and fled back inside.

What the actual fuck?! Weirdest and randomest encounter ever.

I know that doesn't at all relate, really, but you gotta just brush most people off, like crumbs after eating toast or it'll kill ya. I'm still working on this 20 years later, mind you, so easier said than done...

Hope that was a funny anecdote like I intended. If I offend you or the nature of this thread, lmk and I'll remove it. Xx.
 
BleachedViolet

BleachedViolet

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#7
I am all right now.I was told by my Father I just can't ruin my looks and have accepted now I am attractive and embrace this.I took drugs purged to look ugly.It didn't work and I am pleased it didnt.I think appearance is importantxx
Believe it or not, I grew up in a similar situation. My mother was beautiful. And a lot of pressure was put on me from a young age to live up to a certain image.

During my chubby, pre-growth spurt phase every kid gets around 10 years old, I remember having a candy bar once forcibly removed from my hand and told in the harshest, almost spat out tone "YOU'RE GAINING WEIGHT!!!" Um, I was 10. I also had post its put up around my room reminding me to exercise. At 10.

Little wonder I was bulimic for 10 years. I was put on meds that made me drop 15lbs at 17, and it was like all of a sudden, I mattered to my family. (I was an anti-fashion art freak in high school and pathologically awkward in Jr high). They didn't care I was being prescribed stimulants or that I now had a nes pressure to uphold this image I simultaneously loathed and craved the attention from.

I've had a long tug of war regarding my self image ever since (a lot more shit reinforced this, but that's a bit of it...)
 
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Darkveldt

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#8
I just didn't want to be beautiful and wanted to look like a mix of a starved toddler and a old lady.I didn't like men looking at me like Minty the meditarrean guy in the barbers who is gorgeous and Jack the Afrikaner man.I like their attention now and accept they think I am beautiful.Infact i love it!Minty and Jack are handsome in their own ways!Inused to think thye were ugly.Who would want to weigh five stone and have deep lines and lank hair and wear old lady clothes.Not me!
 
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Darkveldt

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#9
I bullied my parents into telling Me I was ugly and looked like a old woman and a toddler and had old lady clothes.None of what u say resonates with me but thanks for telling me your story.Ibdont think Minty and Jack have damaged me.I tried to damage myself.I am lucky I still have my health.
 
BleachedViolet

BleachedViolet

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#10
I bullied my parents into telling Me I was ugly and looked like a old woman and a toddler and had old lady clothes.None of what u say resonates with me but thanks for telling me your story.Ibdont think Minty and Jack have damaged me.I tried to damage myself.I am lucky I still have my health.
Okay, no worries. I didn't express it well as I dont talk about physicslities often, nor have I shared any of this openly...

I'm genuinely glad you're at peace with yourself. I dont know your age, but that's a gift. I still always at war with myself one way or another. But we all have our paths to walk and lessons to learn. I hope you dont let external sources impact or trigger you negatively. Enjoy who you are and your many blessings.

Best regards xx
 
BleachedViolet

BleachedViolet

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#13
No negative implication meant by that, I am just curious for my own reasons as perspective and who I was vs who I am from every phase of my life has shaped me in various ways. I did the most internal damage in my younger years, but that's irrelevant to your particular path or growth. I just wanted a comparison point for my own ability to relate/understand - not bc you come across in any kind of manner that bears a negative association.

And no age do I affiliate negative qualities with - for me, it's just something of a personal gauge.

You come across very strong and self assured in who you are. Regardless of numerical years spent on this planet, that's still impressive. I'm 38 and I feel simultaneously still like a teenager and, in contrast, way, way older than those numbers signify.

I realise how my question could've come across, but it was not meant in a negative manner whatsoever... I promise.