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This is why..

Justafriend95

Justafriend95

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 7, 2019
Messages
685
Location
Netherlands
There you are. All day barely eaten. Now awake..

I can't sleep anymore. Thoughts flow through my head. The feeling of hunger also comes to the surface.

There you are at 1:30 in the night, eating my crackers with cheese. Something I haven't been able to get in all day now. Through tension, stress and the feeling that everything didn't matter anymore...

Today I noticed how much I neglected myself without realizing it...

Not only physically but also psychologically...
In the back of my head I know damn well why... when this started nobody took me seriously. It was going to be okay. Just take it easy. Your leg hasn't come off. Just keep going.

Everyone's problems always come above mine and I started to keep quiet. Online I'm an open book, but in real life I've closed it...

Nobody cares how I am doing. As long as I can help them. That hurts...

2 nights ago I spoke to an old friend. I felt so understood... and the next day it was as if we had never spoken... I don't know what hurt more... the feeling of being betrayed again or the fact that I believed that someone really wanted to be there for me...

It's so painful that I don't want to think about it. The tendency towards physical pain is so high, but I know it's not good for me. Not tonight. With these high emotions, I don't know if I could ever stop...

I feel so alone...
 
Z

Zoe1

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 8, 2019
Messages
3,362
Location
Nowhere
I care about you
but you didnt find my comments helpful
so I am just putting hugs

:hug5: 🌠
 
Justafriend95

Justafriend95

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 7, 2019
Messages
685
Location
Netherlands
I care about you
but you didnt find my comments helpful
so I am just putting hugs

:hug5: 🌠
Your help is usefull I just had a few really bad days. I'm sorry I made you feel like you didn't help..
 
Z

Zoe1

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 8, 2019
Messages
3,362
Location
Nowhere
thats OK , some of your friends and relatives
might care about you
but they dont understand mental illness

but here people do understand it

:love: 🌠
 
Justafriend95

Justafriend95

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 7, 2019
Messages
685
Location
Netherlands
thats OK , some of your friends and relatives
might care about you
but they dont understand mental illness

but here people do understand it

:love: 🌠
The last view days where horrible.. This weekend I was alone at home because j was in Barcelona. I'm terrified to be alone.. especially at night..

Didn't sleep for 2 nights and when I had to go to my internship I collapsed. Started selfharm really, really bad.

J is back now.. he didn't see my arm yet. But yesterday he graped my arm as being sweet and I did say au.. he looked at me and I looked the other way. Didn't want to tell him what happend..

Today I heard my best friend's mother has cancer.. I know here we'll.. so it felt like a bom dropping in my head. I couldn't take it anymore..

Told my work the reason why I was so upset and left. When I walked out of the building the boss stoped me. We had talked about depression this morning and that I had to slow down working. And when I told him about the cancer I broke..

I saw him looking like he felt bad for me and wanted to give me a hug. But he didn't know if it was appropriate.. but decided to do so. I didn't mind. It was just a hug.

I know he can't do that official but I needed that so much.. I was happy he did that.

Hope I feel better soon!
 
Justafriend95

Justafriend95

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 7, 2019
Messages
685
Location
Netherlands
I'm going to try sleeping again.. it's 3 at night
Don't feel tired but think I need my sleep more than I think..
 
Z

Zoe1

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 8, 2019
Messages
3,362
Location
Nowhere
I dont see anything inappropriate
about your boss giving you a hug in the circumstances
the boss sounds great ! he is really trying to help you
let him see what he can offer you
I'm really pleased about him

they find you a valuable employee !

night night Friend I hope you sleep well !

:loveshower: :loveshower: :loveshower: 💜
 
Justafriend95

Justafriend95

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 7, 2019
Messages
685
Location
Netherlands
My best friend from 10 years ago came by today. We had some coffee and talked for a while about the old days.

I have smiled like for real in a long time.. the silly things we did. Every night talking on the trampoline watching the stars.

I don't know where we went separate ways.. but it is nice to meet him again.

This afternoon I hope to hear from an old school friend. Maybe we can talk also. I don't want to get nuts on my own.

This morning started with panic attack so we don't want that again.
 
Justafriend95

Justafriend95

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 7, 2019
Messages
685
Location
Netherlands
My friend was working but I walked for 2 hours to distract myself. I'm so tired now but he restlessness is gone for now..

Hope it stays like this
 
Z

Zoe1

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 8, 2019
Messages
3,362
Location
Nowhere
lovely photograph Friend

im so glad you were able to be in touch with friends
and hopefully see them soon

so important to our health ...

:hug5: 💜 🌠
 
simonr1978

simonr1978

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 22, 2018
Messages
192
J is back now.. he didn't see my arm yet. But yesterday he graped my arm as being sweet and I did say au.. he looked at me and I looked the other way. Didn't want to tell him what happend..
I am worried. Part of my concerns come from a friend of mine who has also noticed my arm, she's bothered by it which in turn bothers me. We've had a few difficult conversations when things have been particularly bad and it's been more obvious, she's convinced herself it's to do with her. I have some stripes she doesn't know about yet.
 
Justafriend95

Justafriend95

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 7, 2019
Messages
685
Location
Netherlands
I am worried. Part of my concerns come from a friend of mine who has also noticed my arm, she's bothered by it which in turn bothers me. We've had a few difficult conversations when things have been particularly bad and it's been more obvious, she's convinced herself it's to do with her. I have some stripes she doesn't know about yet.
It really hard I know. My husband doesn't know yet also.. it's hard I want to tell but not disappoint
 
Justafriend95

Justafriend95

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 7, 2019
Messages
685
Location
Netherlands
I just started reading on Reddit I hear by tell you DONT! OMG I so down now.. everybody wants to kill them self and do things. The urge is bigger than ever holimoli🥺
 
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