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This is what I go through


Mistress Sinistra

New member
Nov 29, 2014
Panic attacks, the continual fear of them. Paranoia and fear of others, as well as subsequent avoidance and isolation. Ritualistic coping behaviors such as excoriation which gets triggered by certain situations. Dwellings negative thoughts abd dwelling in the past and future, generating further anxiety. Obsessive and intrusive negative and violent thoughts. Mood swings: Euphoric highs and deep crushing lows. Binge eating without purging. Easily distracted, inability to focus. Times of hyperfocus. Tendency to damage or destroy relationships. Intensely cyclic and ritualistic whereas I repeat behaviors or reenact them. Some situations from years ago get reenacted. Serious issues controlling anger. Laughing and crying fits. Difficulty regulating emotions. A strong feeling of being numb or detached. Tendency towards self harm and self loathing. Depression of various degrees. Idealization and intense hatred as if everything is black and white.

In my current relationship I've repeated the same crap that destroyed my last relationship. Though I haven't compulsively lied to my current girlfriend, I haven't lied at all, I've been horribly honest. I'm incredibly over sensitive to the point she's afraid to talk to me.

I have horrible self esteem, I'm incredibly self critical.

What the hell should I do?

For the last six months I've tried but I've gon in circles. In fact this is a repetition of other things. I've read and been given advice I've attempted to follow but promptly forget.

When I was young I was diagnosed with Aspergers, ADD and ADHD. I was medicated for those and for well over a year I haven't had insurance so I can't get help from a professional


Well-known member
May 30, 2012
small town Ontario, Canada
Sorry to hear you can't afford to see a professional concerning your MH issues, I would suggest researching up as much into self help coping and mindfullness tools as you can find and learning to use those tools. They can be an invaluble resource to use on bad days. Have a look through the threads on here as well. Lots give out good self help links and advice on here. Keep posting too so you can find people who experience similar and who can relate and fully understand what your going through. The friends we make here can really help in coping day to day.
Wish I could help more, that's a lot to be going through.