This is hard...

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MAGIC

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Jan 9, 2017
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Hello everyone, i haven’t been here in a few months am sorry. I feel guilty that i only come here when i need help and not do the same for the lovely people here. Last few weeks has been a rollercoaster for me since my father died in may 17 due to liver illness, i have been thinking to kill myself. because i cant be a father figure for my brothers, its just too hard for me i cant handle things like my father did. all these responsibility on my shoulders are killing me. Am 24 just graduated from college, now my life is on pause cause i need to take care of my family, i cant get a good job where i live, i need to go to other cities to find a very good and stable job, i cant do that anymore am stuck here with family, I dont know for how long.
its not that i hate them its the exact opposite, i just cant be what they expect me to be. am not good enough.
and lets not forget that were broke my fathers pension barley covers the bills and food to survive, good thing we own a house or we would be homeless.
the hard part in all of this is me thinking of suicide every damn minute of my god damn day, I see it as a way of escaping this hell and just end it and get on with it. I cant see a future anymore, am thinking of hospitalization before i do something bad to myself or others.
i seriously need help!
 
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Helena1

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How old are your brothers?
Has someone told you you need to take on your dad's role or have you just assumed as the oldest you should?
 
M

MAGIC

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How old are your brothers?
Has someone told you you need to take on your dad's role or have you just assumed as the oldest you should?
The youngest one is 10 the other one is 15
where am from it’s complicated, am the one who supposed to look after them until they get older and at least finish high school, and that will take an awfully long time i dont know if i can make it till then.
 
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Helena1

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I think speaking to someone, like a counsellor or just a friend, who knows your culture would be helpful because it would be a very stressful situation for anyone to be in, let alone someone with MH issues. Can you speak to you mother about it? Are their any other family member like uncles that could help out?
I think you are doing fine, i think if you look at like if you were dead they wouldn't be getting anything from you, then anything you do do is great. You are never going to be their father, you can only be the best brother you can be.
It would also be much better to just go off and live you life in one of the bigger towns than to kill yourself, your family might not like and you feel guilty about that but really your mother decided to have more children, you had no say in the matter and you shouldn't have to take responsibility for someone else's actions, you could also send money back if you earned enough.
And definatly go to hospital if you think you can't cope.
 
midnightphoenix

midnightphoenix

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please do go to the hospital if you need to :hug:

you shouldnt have to have the responsibility of looking after your brothers :hug:
 
M

MAGIC

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I think speaking to someone, like a counsellor or just a friend, who knows your culture would be helpful because it would be a very stressful situation for anyone to be in, let alone someone with MH issues. Can you speak to you mother about it? Are their any other family member like uncles that could help out?
I think you are doing fine, i think if you look at like if you were dead they wouldn't be getting anything from you, then anything you do do is great. You are never going to be their father, you can only be the best brother you can be.
It would also be much better to just go off and live you life in one of the bigger towns than to kill yourself, your family might not like and you feel guilty about that but really your mother decided to have more children, you had no say in the matter and you shouldn't have to take responsibility for someone else's actions, you could also send money back if you earned enough.
And definatly go to hospital if you think you can't cope.
I have few good friends who helped me a lot, if i ask them for hep they wont hesitate to do anything for me because i was there for them when they needed me. the thing is i dont like to ask anyone for help for some odd reason idk if its sense of pride or something else, but when someone helps me with anything i feel pathetic and powerless i hate those feelings. aside from my friends i have more than 6 uncles who would gladly help even one of them is going to take care of the house because we need to change some furniture and paint and other home stuff he took care of everything, the others are busy with their own lives no one even bothers to call and ask how were doing no one even cares about me they just call my mother and ask if were doing fine, my cousin is also such a great guy he helped me a lot he even wanted to donate part of his liver to my father before my father died
after reading all of this u will see damn ur such a cry baby, its just the feeling of responsibility is really hard on me and idk how long i can endure it. tbh all of this could be easier if we were on another country/culture, but no one can choose where to be born or grow up.
thanks for the reply really appreciate it ❤
 
M

MAGIC

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please do go to the hospital if you need to :hug:

you shouldnt have to have the responsibility of looking after your brothers :hug:
Well, wish it was as easy as saying, but its not i will go to the hospital if am on the edge. thanks for passing by 🤗
 
midnightphoenix

midnightphoenix

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Well, wish it was as easy as saying, but its not i will go to the hospital if am on the edge. thanks for passing by 🤗
I know its easier said than done, just didnt want you feeling like you were shouting into the wind and nobody hears you :hug:
 
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Sarabi_Gyarados

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Dear Magic

Please don't commit suicide. The thoughts are there because you can't see a way out and so leaving seems an easy option, but please don't do that. It will only cause so much hurt and pain for your family.

There will be a way through this, a way to make things right. Please be gentle and kind to yourself - you do not have to be your father.
 
M

MAGIC

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Dear Magic

Please don't commit suicide. The thoughts are there because you can't see a way out and so leaving seems an easy option, but please don't do that. It will only cause so much hurt and pain for your family.
There will be a way through this, a way to make things right. Please be gentle and kind to yourself - you do not have to be your father.
thank you ❤ ill try to find away around this and i hope it works.
 
TaurusLady

TaurusLady

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I'm sorry to hear about your situation.
You are still young.. Things will get better for you.

Stay strong. Big hugs xx
 
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