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Think im slipping arrrrrrr

B

beautywithin

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 10, 2020
Messages
83
Location
UK
Hi

Yep think im slipping, I see the signs, im reserved, quite, irritable but like numerous times before im not sure why. May be im a little stressed I have a lot of responsibilities but I always have done and may be im slightly irritated certain people don't consistently pull their weight. I feel people rely on me with out question or thought but I can only rely on some rarely. This is where I remind myself its always been this way and to pull myself up and get the hell on with it and have a me day tomorrow as its my day off. Other wise I will constantly be thinking why am I feeling like this when sometimes there isn't a reason, which is hard to explain to others when they notice a change in you x
 
bpd2020

bpd2020

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Joined
May 25, 2020
Messages
5,157
Location
England
Although it has always been you being the carer and not being able to depend on others, it will eventually wear you down and you will become unwell from it. You seem to think you should just accept things that you do not like. I may be wrong there but I have always thought that too. You are a lovely, warm, caring person and you deserve to be treated the same way.
 
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beautywithin

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 10, 2020
Messages
83
Location
UK
Thank you, my partner does bits like run me a bath or cook every so often or have a tidy up but just seems when im feeling low she is or there is some illness she has, even my child has said your always poorly to her and I don't hold that against her if your ill your ill. Im use to doing things alone don't get me wrong been a single parent but we have been together two years and ive never asked her to baby sit or anything but she has and helped when my childminders have been off, I just feel so irritable and when she asks me to do something lately im like ive been at work come home cleaned and got work out to do later once kids are in bed I don't need extra jobs. Then she gets offensive because she doesn't work she feels like im having a go like I cant mention that's why im bloody drained. ohhhh just feel like I constant moaning there is good things about her honest x
 
bpd2020

bpd2020

Well-known member
Joined
May 25, 2020
Messages
5,157
Location
England
It does sound like she seems to seek attention when you are ill. She wants the focus to be back on here. It is unfair of her to ask you to do things when you have been at work. She sounds totally dependant on you and that is hard with having your children too.
 
B

beautywithin

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 10, 2020
Messages
83
Location
UK
its hard when im feeling like this as I know my coping strategy is when im done working and kids are in bed I like to just sit alone quite and its just how I get through it but I know she will take offence and feel im pushing her away
 
bpd2020

bpd2020

Well-known member
Joined
May 25, 2020
Messages
5,157
Location
England
She needs to accept you have to wind down after work. It is unfair you have to carry on what you are doing so she is not offended. You have a right to make yourself happy and have your needs met.
 
B

beautywithin

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 10, 2020
Messages
83
Location
UK
She will have to accept it as this cant go on, thank you for always replying I greatly appreciate it x
 
bpd2020

bpd2020

Well-known member
Joined
May 25, 2020
Messages
5,157
Location
England
I am glad you are going to stand up for yourself. It is so important to set boundaries. You are so welcome.
 
L

Lavendergirl

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 24, 2020
Messages
129
Location
London
Hi

Yep think im slipping, I see the signs, im reserved, quite, irritable but like numerous times before im not sure why. May be im a little stressed I have a lot of responsibilities but I always have done and may be im slightly irritated certain people don't consistently pull their weight. I feel people rely on me with out question or thought but I can only rely on some rarely. This is where I remind myself its always been this way and to pull myself up and get the hell on with it and have a me day tomorrow as its my day off. Other wise I will constantly be thinking why am I feeling like this when sometimes there isn't a reason, which is hard to explain to others when they notice a change in you x
Please give yourself some self care
I know from experience when we are the caring ones always putting others needs before ourselves and always trying to be the fair minded one.
It takes a toll on us mind body and soul
I know it will be really difficult but maybe now is the time for an honest and Frank discussion
Boundaries and who does what need to be agreed.
Sorry if that sounds to blunt.
Hope your situation improves.
 
W

WhySoSerious

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 16, 2019
Messages
301
Location
UK
Boundaries are hard to maintain because people have been conditioned by our previously behaviours and will inevitably push back until we give in and go back to our old patterns. I would say use "DEAR-MAN" to get your message across. I find that I often think I have communicated my needs when in fact the message simply wasn't clear enough and nobody heard what I said.

Describe - exactly what you notice, objective facts, specifics, don't be vague or generalise (no, "you never" or "you always" statement, these get dismissed immediately)

Express - how you feel. What does their behaviour do for or to you? Be specific

Assert - tell the person what you want and the reason for the request. Again be really clear and precise, the less clear you are the more likely they won't do what you want

Reinforce - tell the person what them doing what you want would do for you. How it would be better for them too. Sell it.

Hope that makes sense!
 
B

beautywithin

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 10, 2020
Messages
83
Location
UK
Please give yourself some self care
I know from experience when we are the caring ones always putting others needs before ourselves and always trying to be the fair minded one.
It takes a toll on us mind body and soul
I know it will be really difficult but maybe now is the time for an honest and Frank discussion
Boundaries and who does what need to be agreed.
Sorry if that sounds to blunt.
Hope your situation improves.
Hi I like blunt honestly thank you you have all been so kind here don't know what id do with out this place to turn to x
 
B

beautywithin

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 10, 2020
Messages
83
Location
UK
Boundaries are hard to maintain because people have been conditioned by our previously behaviours and will inevitably push back until we give in and go back to our old patterns. I would say use "DEAR-MAN" to get your message across. I find that I often think I have communicated my needs when in fact the message simply wasn't clear enough and nobody heard what I said.

Describe - exactly what you notice, objective facts, specifics, don't be vague or generalise (no, "you never" or "you always" statement, these get dismissed immediately)

Express - how you feel. What does their behaviour do for or to you? Be specific

Assert - tell the person what you want and the reason for the request. Again be really clear and precise, the less clear you are the more likely they won't do what you want

Reinforce - tell the person what them doing what you want would do for you. How it would be better for them too. Sell it.

Hope that makes sense!
thank you and yes I think your right I just need to be more assertive and say bluntly but nice what it is that I want and to be honest I do struggle with that and look where its got me x
 
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