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Think I'm heading down the slippery slop

daffy

daffy

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ive been fairly stable for the last five years . A few hiccups along the way but nothing too drastic. Now it starting again . I'm spending like someone demented, including cashing in part of my pension and spending 11k on a car. I've bought 10 bottles of expensiVe perfume but I now seem to have got round my spending by buying from charity shops. I've just spent another 16£ today but I think I'm doing some good by giving to charity. I desperately want start self harming again. Something I haven't done in years. After spending 20 years on my own I met a wonderful man four years ago who treats me wonderful. But he's had cancer this year and I'm finding it harD to cope. The outlook for him is Good but I feel I'm on a knife edge . I've been seeing my GP every three weeks and now have an appointment for assessment on Monday and am sure that I will be admitted if nit to hospital to the day wards and I don't know how my partner will cope with that. I can't sleep . My head is like a washing machine spinning round and round. How do I tell him that I'm ill again. He's so weak from the chemo and I don't want to let him down
 
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BorderlineDownunder

BorderlineDownunder

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ive been fairly stable for the last five years . A few hiccups along the way but nothing too drastic. Now it starting again . I'm spending like someone demented, including cashing in part of my pension and spending 11k on a car. I've bought 10 bottles of expensiVe perfume but I now seem to have got round my spending by buying from charity shops. I've just spent another 16£ today but I think I'm doing some good by giving to charity. I desperately want start self harming again. Something I haven't done in years. After spending 20 years on my own I met a wonderful man four years ago who treats me wonderful. But he's had cancer this year and I'm finding it harD to cope. The outlook for him is Good but I feel I'm on a knife edge . I've been seeing my GP every three weeks and now have an appointment for assessment on Monday and am sure that I will be admitted if nit to hospital to the day wards and I don't know how my partner will cope with that. I can't sleep . My head is like a washing machine spinning round and round. How do I tell him that I'm ill again. He's so weak from the chemo and I don't want to let him down
I'm really sorry

its awful how stress brings back our old demons.

all I can suggest is doing something practical like cutting up your cards.

you don't need the damn things anyway, no one does, Credit Cards are THE biggest Fraud of the 20th C. :(

have you tried exercise, its the best short term med there is? and long term, come to that.
 
D

Daypass

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Never fear shadows, they simply mean
theres a light shining somewhere nearby



Whatever feeling you get from spending you have to understand is not worth it. You have to know that in the end it will make you feel worse not better. You have to believe that and concentrate on that in the moment before you allow yourself to do the harmful behaviour you want to avoid.


Maybe if you're confident and honest you won't let him down or atleast it will be as gentle a let down as possible?
If you can explain clearly why you did this, why you know it's wrong and why you think you can get better and not repeat the same mistakes, perhaps it will just bring you a little closer or atleast won't be as bad a conversation as you think.
 
daffy

daffy

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Have been for my assessment today and it was really arduous. I was in for over an hour with a very nice nurse and student. But I didn't expect her to bring up my past. She went right back thru a traumatic childhood, then my abusive / alcoholic marriage. She even discussed my nightmares with me. By the time I came out I felt as tho I'd been run over with a steamroller. She has said I will hear within two weeks as to how they will progress with my treatment. Hopefully it can be home based but she was concerned about self harming. I'm so glad I've got this forum to talk to . I know I don't use it much now but that was because my health has been relatively good , when it was poor I was on the forum all the time and I think the sound advice I received from fellow sufferers on here helped me achieve some semblance of normality. And I am hopeful it will again
 
Poopy Doll

Poopy Doll

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I'm so glad to hear you are getting appropriate help, the assessment and all. Cancer is shocking and old coping/spending habits just came back on you. The urge to self harm being an old coping habit as you know but you can't go back there. The assessment sounded really professional. Please try to go forwards, not backwards.
 
daffy

daffy

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Got a phone call from the CPN they've had a meeting and she is coMing to visit me next week and are arranging a meeting with psych doc . Fortunately they have got me the same psychiatrist that I was seeing for five years . So hopefully she'll be understanding and I won't have to go thru everything all over again
 
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