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Think I Used to have BPD But don’t anymore?

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StuckandTired

Member
Joined
Jun 18, 2020
Messages
9
Location
United States
So starting in adolescence I had severe emotional disturbances including mood-swings, self harming, inventory confusion, and substance abuse. Eventually I became addicted to hard drugs and would have frequent turbulent relationships as well as meaningless sex with strangers. That all changed after I got pregnant. I got sober and totally changed overnight more or less. This change happened when I was about 25-26 so was I just bound to naturally outgrow these behaviors? Was I just going through a rough patch that happened to last over a decade? Or was this just the effect of many treatment centers jails and life experiences leading me to become more self-aware? Or could pregnancy have some kind of calming effect on some BPD’s? I think the opposite is also often true. I’ve also staved off most friendships and relationships for the last 3 years and focused on self-improvement and family. I think I was always more of an introvert and a loner even as a child. To some degree, trying to socialize myself into normalcy led me to use and drink and drove me Insane. Maybe I’m better because I am simply being true to myself now. Am I just a disaster waiting to happen once I get back into the world? Also weird is that I’ve had 4-5 drinks Over the past 2 years and have not relapsed Even though I used to fit the criteria for alcoholism. My mom has and has traits for BPD and my dad has some traits for NPD. could some of my troubles just have been learned behaviors picked up from my parents which changed when I gained The self-awareness That naturally comes with growing up? Im 29 now. I’m far from completely healed. Sometimes I still get upset over fairly small slights but I almost never lose my temper anymore or have any other over-the-top reactions to things. I’m super steadfast and almost never make impulsive decisions except for the occasional small amazon purchase. Etc. etc. I am barely recognizable to the person I used to be. How can this be?
 
LittleMissNameless

LittleMissNameless

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 2, 2019
Messages
423
Location
canada
Good for you! It seems you worked hard and overcame so much!

I read a peer reviewed study (I'll try to find it) that suggested BPD traits can subside over time.
 
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Girl interupted

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 17, 2018
Messages
2,123
I’d be interested to read that. My traits grew worse as I aged until I had no choice but to seek help and therapy.

But I’m six months post therapy (5 years twice weekly) and I feel more stable and strong than I have my entire life.
 
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Bilbo

Active member
Joined
Jun 26, 2020
Messages
42
Location
Melrose
Hey Stuck, your story is a rollercoaster. Much respect to you for getting things together.


John Gunderson says having a child can really change the course of BPD for some as well as what he calls ‘corrective relationships’...

It sounds like motherhood transformed you. I would be so glad for that as many of deteriorate so badly over time or cannot lose symptoms and behavior as you have.

I know mention NPD and BPD traits in your parents but were you ever formally diagnosed?

I hope the video helps..

Peace
b
 
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StuckandTired

Member
Joined
Jun 18, 2020
Messages
9
Location
United States
Hey Stuck, your story is a rollercoaster. Much respect to you for getting things together.


John Gunderson says having a child can really change the course of BPD for some as well as what he calls ‘corrective relationships’...

It sounds like motherhood transformed you. I would be so glad for that as many of deteriorate so badly over time or cannot lose symptoms and behavior as you have.

I know mention NPD and BPD traits in your parents but were you ever formally diagnosed?

I hope the video helps..

Peace
b
Thank you for that. What he said really hit home, especially the thing about a relation with one’s child bringing out positive traits in oneself that affirm you as basically A good and ok person. I can relate to that. I spent the first 3 months of pregnancy in jail, most of it in segregation with no drug’s whatsoever so I had tons of time to think and write. It was kind of like, after I had my daughter, some of the excess layers had been shed and I sort of reconnected with my 9-ish-year old self before I became really messed up. She helped me reconnect with myself as a real person with a heart, and filled in some of the emptiness in my heart with unconditional love. However, I will always be conscious not to put the burden on her of needing her for emotional support. It is my job to provide that to her, not the other way around.

I was never formally diagnosed as far as I can remember (though I went to like 10 rehabs and can't remember everything every therapist said). I know I was formally diagnosed with bipolar 2 as well as GAD and major depression. I have suspicions of possibly being on the spectrum (But again, undiagnosed even after asking several therapists opinions). And I definitely have strong OCD traits. But as far as I know I might just be a normal person who was brainwashed into believing there was something wrong with me from a young age. However, when I was like10 my moms therapist did diagnose my mom with BPD and I think she stopped seeing her after that and never went to therapy again (lol). and after my parents got divorced my dad told me about her diagnosis. My dad’s done a lot of therapy and I think his only formal diagnosis has been major depression.

I tend to ramble when I start taking lol.
 
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Bilbo

Active member
Joined
Jun 26, 2020
Messages
42
Location
Melrose
Glad it helped Stuck, for sure.

From the sounds of what you’ve been through it’s a miracle you’re feeling strong and together so hold on to that tight.

Best of luck with everything.
 
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