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Think I should Be Locked Up !

M

mumto6

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 9, 2010
Messages
56
Location
Co Durham
Hiya all - I have not been on the forum for a while. Had a few bad days and a few good days and many mixed.
Well since last being on a few things have happened.

I have seen my CPN three times now - I see her weekly - she seems really nice.She is arranging some spa days where I can take along a friend and spend from 9am till 5pm being pampered and get a 3 course meal too. Not sure I am looking forward to it as I have developed a phobia of being touched!

I went along to the 3rd Pyschiatrist - a prenatal one who bugged me beyond belief - not only was she over an hour late for our appointment she just kept saying " That's Normal".

Nothing feels normal to me so the more she said oh thats normal the more I got annoyed with her. From how I feel - to seeing things that are not there - to deciding I am not pregnant ( I am 27 weeks) to thinking I could fly - was all normal for someone like me.

She is going to see me again in 3 weeks - then after I have had the baby - then 3 months after having baby she can no longer see me - as not her job?

So I still have no idea who is going to perscribe me medication or when!

Well I decided it was time to get my teeth sorted ( ex husband knocked 8 out when I left him - but the roots remained - I spent the whole appointment crying and shaking in fear of the dentist touching me - but I got a few fillings done etc - going back next week for the first to come out!

I finally agreed to letting the midwife touch me and listen into baby ( I keep denying I am pregnant and although I am 27 weeks I have no symptoms at all) She delivered my son at home 6 years ago so I know and trust her well.

When I told her I had decided not to tell anyone when I go into labour and do it myself she became quite concerned - I am convinced because I have not bonded or wanted or denied - not sure of the correct word - I will be punished and something will happen to my baby - so I am not getting attached.Or I am convinced that all the health profesionals are plotting together to take my baby from me as they think I will not cope - so I decided I would not go near a hospital.

She promised me she will be with me at the birth and that she is going to talk with my pregnancy consultant and make some plans at 37 weeks for me to go into hospital, my last 2 pregnancies lasted 37 weeks so I think they plan to make me stay in hospital to ensure I have the baby there. I also had problems with my placenta rupturing and I have right kidney failure so they are all a little worried at my proposal.

I have become a complete cleaning frenzy addict - I have sold every item of furniture in the bedroom as I decided it took up so much room - much to partners objections.

I am all over the place - sleeping is still a huge problem - my moods are up and down within hours. I am worn out.

Worst of all I feel like everyone can see I am going insane and think I should be locked up! I hate seeing and having to speak to anyone.

Well thats my update - hope you guys are all well.:cry:
 
L

littlemermaid28

Active member
Joined
Jan 19, 2010
Messages
31
Hey hun,how ru feeling today? xx:hug:
 
iffybob

iffybob

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 20, 2009
Messages
4,858
Location
England
Hi

You dont sound so good..., I do think they are right that you go into the hospital for the baby..., esp if you have complications in the past...

.. I think anyone who has been physicaly abused doesnt realy like people touching them, so you are not alone there...

try and do what is best to look after yourself... boB .. :)
 
bubbling under

bubbling under

Well-known member
Joined
May 29, 2009
Messages
2,184
Location
Hampshire
Sweetheart I really feel for you :hug: I presume you're being cared for by perinatal at the moment? Please let them help you, and I know how scared you are feeling about the birth and disasociating yourself from the baby incase something was to go wrong. But please believe me when I say that no-one will be planning on taking your little one away from you, they'll be trying to plan how best to support you and your family/partner through this time. I have a little understanding of what you're going through, please feel free to Pm me at any time :hug::hug:
 
T

TOONAFISH

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 23, 2008
Messages
2,686
Location
Bonnie Scotland
hi, god what a lot going on. i dont know what to say but i wanted to know that i read your post and im thinking of you. they should be doin more to help you i think. how are you feeling now?? xx
 
M

mumto6

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 9, 2010
Messages
56
Location
Co Durham
I have been pretty chaotic the last 2 days at least , but am surviving yet struggling.
 
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