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Think I am a narcissist and borderline

maggie0123

maggie0123

Well-known member
Joined
May 8, 2020
Messages
128
Location
Canada
I think I'm both narcissistic and borderline. I can be very selfish, entitled and ambitious but it's mostly the need for recognition and respect, I think it's something that I crave for because I never got the proper attention growing up I was neglected a lot, so I have this strong desire to get attention from exuberant behaviors, I'm quiet but when I'm drunk/get high this side of me shows up; impulsivity, disruptive, excessive, and attention-seeking and people who arent so close to me get surprised by this side of my character, I'm not good, but people always assume I'm innocent but I am definitely not, I think because I appear sensitive so that side of my narcissism comes off, like my sensitivity makes me more "special." The way I view people in my life changes, I hate them and love them and I have a tendency to scrutinize people's character and use that against them when I get the chance to. I'm toxic and I'm starting to realize this. I'm narcissistic but also avoidant. I think also being put down a lot, being laughed at made me so insecure so I have the need to prove myself. I get tattoos partly because it calms me but also I like to look cool and I get obsessive over my appearance, the clothes I wear, etc. I have dreams of having more wealth, success all that selfish materialistic bullshit because I have the need to prove myself. I don't know whether my desire for studying Philosophy, literature, etc. is another form of self-indulgence for me, it's all "me" behavior in philosophy because it's a kind of self-help but something also existential. I don't know whether my existential crisis is also fueled by my narcissism or grandiose behavior. I would like to do drugs like cocaine, LSD, ecstasy, molly, for the experience but at the same time I'm wondering whether this is a normal display of human behavior or a personality disorder trait. I'm deeply selfish
 
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Beautifuldarkfsntasy

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Joined
Jan 10, 2020
Messages
125
Location
New York New York
I don't think you are selfish, because it looks like you're trying not to be. If you were selfish you wouldn't care how you behave, and would not feel bad about it at all. You also helped me so that's how I know you're not selfish. You left a long thoughtful response to me on my post! In terms of being neglected that is really awful, and it's okay to want attention. To want healthy amounts of attention like being heard and understood is human. We say so many bad things to ourselves when all it seems like is you want to self explore, be heard, and be different. It's all normal and you're not bad for it
 
maggie0123

maggie0123

Well-known member
Joined
May 8, 2020
Messages
128
Location
Canada
I don't think you are selfish, because it looks like you're trying not to be. If you were selfish you wouldn't care how you behave, and would not feel bad about it at all. You also helped me so that's how I know you're not selfish. You left a long thoughtful response to me on my post! In terms of being neglected that is really awful, and it's okay to want attention. To want healthy amounts of attention like being heard and understood is human. We say so many bad things to ourselves when all it seems like is you want to self explore, be heard, and be different. It's all normal and you're not bad for it
Aww thank you this really is encouraging and I'm glad I got to help you even in the smallest ways. really glad we got to share a few conversations and experiences. Wish you all the best xx
 
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Purpleplum

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Joined
Feb 7, 2020
Messages
1,424
Location
nowhere
No narcissist would think they're a narcissist, therefore, you are not one.
 
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Beautifuldarkfsntasy

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Joined
Jan 10, 2020
Messages
125
Location
New York New York
Aww thank you this really is encouraging and I'm glad I got to help you even in the smallest ways. really glad we got to share a few conversations and experiences. Wish you all the best xx
Glad I could help some
 
M

ManDss

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 24, 2020
Messages
387
Location
Argentina
Maybe some narcicistic traces, but:

1st, at least in psychology there is not such a thing as "being a narcicistic". There is a disorder called Narcicistic personality disorder, which is different to "be narcicistic", I just mention this in case u can think are the same.

"Be narcicistic" or selfish, isnt a bad thing in general.

Just say this because some people think if they arent full of joy and sweet person all the time that means they are now narcicistic and selfish, meaning they are a bad and terrible person

I get u have some troubles. And, most important, hope u find the way to feel good.
 
Rex Smith

Rex Smith

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 30, 2020
Messages
478
Location
San Diego
NPD.png

If you are, then you will get notifications about your posts being edited and emails from the mods that you violated the rules. It takes me forever to type an acceptable response but somehow I'll have a mod edit or email in my daily notifications. Narcissists will fight with mods that they should receive special treatment because they think they're superior.

I'm a very logical person but I didn't believe I had a mental disorder but just someone with high anxiety. I completely refused it even when the state also told and treated me for it. It still took a few years to accept it. I finally took it upon myself to disprove them by of watching myself from a 3rd person perspective in recordings from the cameras I setup. I went on facebook and had conversations with the people on the friends list that I never talk to or have talk to since I was a kid. I could not disprove the diagnosis. Yet I still don't really believe everyone. But one thing I know for certain people are overly sensitive. Many emotions are very contradicting and people are very hypocritical about their meanings. Emotion X is wrong but X is not wrong under these circumstances. It also varies about X not being wrong by certain majority groups. Society doesn't use math but emotional reasoning which creates a conflict of their rules.

Narcissists are known to have very high scores in boastful/pretentious, superiority, and exaggeration traits. Everyone is inferior to them and they let people know it through actions or just straight up say it. Hanging out in the waiting rooms of larger psychiatrist facilities is the best way to meet others. They have apps that you can use to a different cell number than your own. When I no long have anything to learn from them, if they annoy me, or just another factitious disorder previously called Munchausen syndrome. Those people would probably go kiss someone with covid.

If I wasn't an analytical type of person I would have never believed my diagnosis. I just a bit different. So the likelihood that you're a narcissist is extremely low, they are more stubborn than me.

I have ASPD and Anxiety Disorder. Not Narcissist.
 
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