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    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

they're wasting my time again!

W

warriorprincess

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Apr 14, 2010
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Cool St, Coolville
Once again, I am on the wrong treatment path and I'm thinking, once again, screw this. Diagnosed Bipolar 4 years ago given tablets which i only took a few days olanzepine and sodium valproate, before i started my own treatment of illicit drugs. So didn't carry on past an erratic week of taking them and then slipped off the radar in my crazy ways and things i was up to. wouldn't want to write about it here sort of thing.
so anyway fast forward and i got clean 3 years ago, met my amazing guy who we have just been connected to each other from the start it's felt. he's stood by a lot of my highs and lows, and i'd almost forgotten about my diagnosis 4 years ago - silly me - I am fine right now therefore I will always be, they must have got it wrong - then bam a week later wippee i'm gonna buy everything and love everyone and oh yeah rule the freaking wooooorld, on absolutely no sleep whatsoever! Or going through that f'ing pit of nothingless, worthlessness, why am I even here feeling (to phrase in just 3 ways, i'm sure you know there are millions of those little beauts).
So finally i go to my doc about 2 months ago and she arranges a psychiatrist appointment. I've been open with my partner but so down lately i don't even discuss it with him, apart from maybe just in my head - where a lot of convos take place for me (does anyone else have that?). It has all come too late as he had enough about a month ago he left saying (apparently) at first he needed a break which i didn't hear and reacted to badly telling him to never come back if he left right then. I never even wanted him to go why do i say what I do? anyway hahahahahaha thanks very much my letter for the appointment came that day maybe an hour after he left. Salt yes, in wounds, very. They booked me an appointment 2 weeks later, but with all the extra stress of breaking up I got very very down and went to my hospital where they have arranged crisis care, who have now been coming for the last 3 weeks on random days. Then i had my appointment with the shrink, and he's said it's Borderline personality disorder. not Bipolar. Now, whilst some of the emotionally unstable symptoms of borderline do ring true with me, not al lof them do - there seems to be this violent streak which i am glad to say i do not have but have had only to myself or things in the past. I would never describe myself as violent, and i can be quite cutting sometimes, no fear there, i know all my flaws (just can't act to change them). When I read everything about bipolar, it all rings true. To a huge extent, over and over throughout my life. But what am I to do now - they are starting me on treatment for the borderline - which i know will do no good as I've had a lot of the wrong sort of therapy in my time - stress buckets haha don't make me laugh.
I have been to my doctor to request a second opinion, is it not posible to be bipolar with borderline traits? does anyone know this? and what the hell should i do as I am now pregnant with our second child and i can only see this as being a huge waste of my time - talking even more (i cannot stress how many hours i've wasted 'talking' with people, trying to 'help'), when i think the diagnosis is all wrong and at the end of it i will not be able to control myself anymore as this force takes over so immensely, then what? and i'll then have even less time to do anything about it all as I'l be a busy mum of 2 (which i love don't get me wring but i need to know that i'll be better for them one day).
I don't really want to be taking medication while i'm pregnant but i've read about some being safe and i am at that point where i don't wanna go through any of it again like i have done all these years. and surely that makes it beneficial to both my children, hopefully my partner (we're hopefully working on it, it's been a lot better this last week). Why shouldn't I just have a happy life? I don't want it normal, I just want to see clearly, behave, sleep well, eat well and be the best mum I can be to my children, and partner to my darling.
Why do I always f it up when i have everything.
If anyone can help please let me know, i don't know what to do about this mess. sorry to have rambled i hope it all makes sense. xxx
 
jax

jax

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I have not read all your post as I can't concentrate too good atm. I have a dx of Bipolar and Borderline personality disorder. I am sorry that you are being messed about and hope you get your 2nd opinion. Good luck. x
 
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warriorprincess

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Messages
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Location
Cool St, Coolville
I have not read all your post as I can't concentrate too good atm. I have a dx of Bipolar and Borderline personality disorder. I am sorry that you are being messed about and hope you get your 2nd opinion. Good luck. x
Thank you I appreciate just that simple sentence that you have written - that you've been diagnosed with both. that answers a very valid question that i've been asking so many 'professionals' and no one has answered. now to get them to listen! thank you, maybe when you are feeling a bit more like writing I would like to know if these two were diagnosed at same time or have you been through similar? x
 
jax

jax

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Nov 23, 2008
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868
Location
Belfast, N.Ireland
Hi again. I was dx'd Borderline many, many years ago. I was dx'd Bipolar just in the last 6 years.
 
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AussieGirl

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Joined
Apr 29, 2010
Messages
54
Location
London
That seriously sucks. I must admit my attention span is not too great at the moment and trying to read a big block of text is over my head, but from what I got, it seems like you have the same problems as me that you can't get someone to spend enough time with you and give you the care that you deserve

I'd be interested about the cross diagnosis of bipolar and bpd as a doctor mentioned that to me once...
 
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warriorprincess

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Joined
Apr 14, 2010
Messages
1,306
Location
Cool St, Coolville
Thank you. Yeh I'm really sorry as I'm new on here i'm not yet used to spacing my text, will try from now on - when i went back to read what i'd written i got put off too so i know what you mean.

Well i just had a call from my soon to be care coordinator, who is the first person from 'that side' who seems actually keen for me to get a second opinion and has agreed that it isn't so possible for just one person to say what it is - as there are different branches of psychology - one working with behaviour for example might pick up on something entirely different to an analyst for example. so she kinda agreed that the two diagnoses could cross in that sense and that it needs further investigation. phew. The crisis team were going on like it was DEFINITELY BORDERLINE so that's all we're ever gonna work with, no more questions!! so called help. tch.

i think the way forward for me is to see one person over a few weeks and also i'm gonna delve into my diaries, as i do not present to other people, so keen to keep the 'normal mask' on all the time - it's maybe only my partner's and parents that can really gauge how bad it is sometimes and even then i keep my lows to myself pretty well. but i can't do it any longer.
 
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skyblue

Guest
As far as I'm aware, there is such thing as having Bipolar with Borderline Personality Traits. I know a couple of people who have been diagnosed with this. Infact, I have Bipolar, but can at times show traits of Borderline, if I were to read my records it would not surprise me if it's written down there.

I'm no pro, but am quite certain having known other people, that this does exist !
 

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