They have returned.

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AL123

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Feb 3, 2019
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Hi all I posted on here a few months back to say I was feeling really low and I didn’t know what to do next . I haven’t felt as bad as I did until now . It’s like I have good days, but the demons always strike and turn to bad days . It’s getting to the point now where I’m constantly making the wrong decisions and I just seem to be on a permanent down mood. It’s getting to the point where I’m now fearing my thoughts and fearing my next move . Every question
I ask myself is always left unanswered and I just return to old ways .
 
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AL123

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These thoughts are getting darker and darker. I can’t see no more light.
 
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em21

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This is a horrible situation to be in, I’m also in the same self pitying, dark hole that sounds very similar to the way you feel. I genuinely hope you understand that those days pass and those demons will leave you alone, whether they leave you alone for an hour or a year they will leave. I’m sorry I can’t tell you how to get out of this feeling because I’m back in the pit myself, but I do recommend to constantly tell yourself that it will be over soon because it sorta gives me something to look forward to. The worst thing you could possibly to is listen to the thoughts you are having, so please dont! (I know it isn’t that easy but think of all the amazing things you’ll miss if you give up now!)
 
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AL123

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It’s pure torture =[ I honestly am so scared and frightened about tonight . I want to be looking forward but right now I just can’t see a way forward .
 
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AL123

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I just no longer know what to do . Its like my life was meant to be this way . Constantly eating me up inside. Just want it all to leave my mind but this time it’s not going too . This time it’s like it’s won and no going back .
 
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em21

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It’s pure torture =[ I honestly am so scared and frightened about tonight . I want to be looking forward but right now I just can’t see a way forward .
It sounds really dumb but maybe it’s worth getting an early night, when I feel a bad episode coming I always try to get some sleep so I don’t have to deal with my head.
 
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AL123

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That’s not a dumb suggestion at all. Sadly though I don’t sleep at nights sometimes when I’m like this . I feel tonight will be one of them nights . Have crazy stupid and horrifying thoughts going through head atm .
 
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em21

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I completely understand that mentality, I find those types of thoughts really hard to get rid of but maybe it’s a good idea to do something distracting ? My personal favourite is watching my favourite films but maybe playing a video game from the start is a good idea or trying to read a book cover from cover, it gives you a goal (which would be to finish it) and it’s definitely time consuming enough to help distract from thoughts.
 
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AL123

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This sounds so defeatist and also sounds if I’m being rude (which I’m not ) I just can’t do any of that without my thoughts getting the better of me . It’s just going to be me lying awake tonight and seeing if they get better if me and make me do something terrible
 
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em21

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Definitely wouldn’t say defeatist, just tired and fed up. Also please don’t apologise for sounding rude because what works for me probably wouldn’t help for you and it’s perfectly fine to tell me to do one for sounding ridiculous :) if you want someone to talk to for tonight I’m more than happy to stay awake to help, just please don’t let it win
 
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AL123

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Would you seriously do that just for me ? That’s so kind .
 
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AL123

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That is such a kind gesture .
Thank you so much . Without meeting you I can say you have a heart of gold . I don’t want to let it win because I do have reasons to live but when something is eating you inside no matter how much you try to look ahead you never can .
 
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em21

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Then focus on those reasons, focus on what you’ll miss when you’re gone. I know it’s difficult and I understand the idea of being tired and ready to give up, I really do, but imagine missing out on the amazing life you already lead !
 
midnightphoenix

midnightphoenix

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That is such a kind gesture .
Thank you so much . Without meeting you I can say you have a heart of gold . I don’t want to let it win because I do have reasons to live but when something is eating you inside no matter how much you try to look ahead you never can .
You deserve the reasons to live :hug:
 
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AL123

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I’m so scared though what if I do suddenly just give up . Without realising.
 
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em21

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Fight it. Write a list of things you care about and / or would miss and read it as often as you can. Things like hearing the rainfall as you fall asleep, the freshness of a winter morning etc. Ground yourself.
 
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AL123

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Messages
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England
That’s good advice and should try that. Yet as I’m typing away all i can think of is horrible thoughts . I just feel as if it’s one battle to much right now .
 
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