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Theres so much and I feel alone

J

Josie123

Member
Joined
Jun 2, 2021
Messages
5
Location
Northampton
I'm not sure where to start, I've had bouts of depression and anxiety over the years. I'm not sure if I'm ever free from it. I've done CBT and counselling, I understand that it's from my childhood and learning the wrong thought patterns and my dad being physically violent and drinking on the weekends. My mum always just living in fear and hating on my dad but keeping up appearances.
Anyway skip to the present, I'm about to start IVF again last time was Rocky to say the least. I fell out with one of my siblings over my last round and lack of support and to be honest they've been horrific ever since. This created lots of extra strain on my relationship with my partner. My other sibling can be pretty awful too, if I communicate that she's upset me she'd rather cut all contact than apologise and work through.
My dad is that rude if I go around with my daughter, it makes me realise a lot about my childhood. Rather than try and play and interact with her he'll take the Mick of my 1 year old who looks confused at this and doesn't know how to take it. He moans if I don't go but when I'm there he barely talks and puts the TV on, I get from her she doesn't enjoy it but she talks about him too. He also does things around my siblings that stems arguments for instance always forgetting the plans he's made with me, then they won't budge and rearrange plans etc.
I don't feel supported from my husband either and the relationship doesn't feel like a loving one to me, I don't think this comes naturally to him. This is pushing me away in some ways he's there practically but not emotionally, we've discussed a million times over and nothing really changes.
I'm getting older so this is really my last chance of a second child and I've suffered many miscarriages before without IVF. I'm just in the process of stopping breastfeeding my daughter so I can start, this it is hard in itself. She's been unwell this week so that's added to things and lack of sleep!
I feel annoyed with one of my siblings as they have arranged lots of things in the school holidays but seeing her niece in that never crossed her mind and then she was rude to me in a family message about my mums ashes and again doesn't care.
I'm just feeling really low from it all before we did our last house move I wanted to go further a field just to get some distance from them all, but hubby didn't want to. He brought it up recently if he got a job and it's got me just wanting to go again, but it hasn't happened. I feel so trapped here, stuck in the same awful family relationships and getting hurt over and over. I'm also anxious about the IVF failing and the amount of stress and money loss pluss the toll on my body. Overwhelmed is an understatement.
I'm not sure if anyone here can relate to all this. I don't feel there's a way out. My daughter brings me no end of happiness so I hold onto that xx
 
L

Lukcy2019

Well-known member
Joined
May 2, 2019
Messages
59
Location
UK
I'm not sure where to start, I've had bouts of depression and anxiety over the years. I'm not sure if I'm ever free from it. I've done CBT and counselling, I understand that it's from my childhood and learning the wrong thought patterns and my dad being physically violent and drinking on the weekends. My mum always just living in fear and hating on my dad but keeping up appearances.
Anyway skip to the present, I'm about to start IVF again last time was Rocky to say the least. I fell out with one of my siblings over my last round and lack of support and to be honest they've been horrific ever since. This created lots of extra strain on my relationship with my partner. My other sibling can be pretty awful too, if I communicate that she's upset me she'd rather cut all contact than apologise and work through.
My dad is that rude if I go around with my daughter, it makes me realise a lot about my childhood. Rather than try and play and interact with her he'll take the Mick of my 1 year old who looks confused at this and doesn't know how to take it. He moans if I don't go but when I'm there he barely talks and puts the TV on, I get from her she doesn't enjoy it but she talks about him too. He also does things around my siblings that stems arguments for instance always forgetting the plans he's made with me, then they won't budge and rearrange plans etc.
I don't feel supported from my husband either and the relationship doesn't feel like a loving one to me, I don't think this comes naturally to him. This is pushing me away in some ways he's there practically but not emotionally, we've discussed a million times over and nothing really changes.
I'm getting older so this is really my last chance of a second child and I've suffered many miscarriages before without IVF. I'm just in the process of stopping breastfeeding my daughter so I can start, this it is hard in itself. She's been unwell this week so that's added to things and lack of sleep!
I feel annoyed with one of my siblings as they have arranged lots of things in the school holidays but seeing her niece in that never crossed her mind and then she was rude to me in a family message about my mums ashes and again doesn't care.
I'm just feeling really low from it all before we did our last house move I wanted to go further a field just to get some distance from them all, but hubby didn't want to. He brought it up recently if he got a job and it's got me just wanting to go again, but it hasn't happened. I feel so trapped here, stuck in the same awful family relationships and getting hurt over and over. I'm also anxious about the IVF failing and the amount of stress and money loss pluss the toll on my body. Overwhelmed is an understatement.
I'm not sure if anyone here can relate to all this. I don't feel there's a way out. My daughter brings me no end of happiness so I hold onto that xx
Hi
Sorry to hear that you are having a hard time. I'm going to break things down and hopefully, you'll feel much better after you read my message. First, you've mentioned your mum and dad had arguments when you were a child. The same thing happened to me and it did hurt me a lot. They used to argue and fight a lot. But that was a very long time ago. So we need to try hard and not think about the past if we want to get better. To be honest I think the first step to cure depression is to forget about the past. Think about it for a second and try to write your problems and put the time next to them. You'll find that most of them are fairly old. I'm sure you've been to a restaurant where you had an awful meal and you will remember that meal if you pass the same restaurant. But let me ask you something please. Do you think about that meal every day? No, there no need. Why? because you'll be burning so much energy and will not enjoy your life. Next, you mentioned other stuff which you going to have (IVF) in the future and you not sure if it's going to be ok. I believe that people with depression stuck in the past and people with anxiety worry about the future. Please do not worry about tomorrow so much because no one has yet seen tomorrow. I'm a big destiny believer and believe we (humans) born with limited capabilities and don't have much control over anything. Can you believe that a plastic bottle and piece of metal live a lot longer than a human? I'm not hopeless at all but I'm trying to tell you that life is very short and there is no need to worry about anything. My son is nearly 5 years old and for nearly 5 years me and my wife been suffering because he's autistic. I don't want to tell you my problems because I don't want to upset you. I've been having issues with my families and other things in this life from day 1. And do you what? I try not to think about one but the next problem kicks in. I have a lot to tell you but it's not easy to write things down, it's always better to talk instead of writing. I'm going to wrap up by reminding you about 3 words. Past (causes depression), Future (causes anxiety), and Present(where you need to be). Thinking about the past too much, and worrying about the future too much cause depression and anxiety. So try and focus on the present. Let me know if you need to talk and I will be happy to help.
Thank you
 
Foxjo

Foxjo

Well-known member
Moderator
Joined
Jan 2, 2012
Messages
8,102
Location
Teesside
Hi Josie and welcome to the forum!
You should find it friendly and supportive here.
Hugs
Fox
 
UpnDwn1978

UpnDwn1978

Well-known member
Forum Guide
Joined
Jun 16, 2020
Messages
6,944
Location
Norway
Hi Josie welcome to the forum :welcome:
 
2

2Much2Feel

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 24, 2021
Messages
1,582
Location
US
Yes, welcome, and I hope you find it helpful here. Keep holding on to your daughter, they can help us along the harder points...
 
J

Josie123

Member
Joined
Jun 2, 2021
Messages
5
Location
Northampton
Hi
Sorry to hear that you are having a hard time. I'm going to break things down and hopefully, you'll feel much better after you read my message. First, you've mentioned your mum and dad had arguments when you were a child. The same thing happened to me and it did hurt me a lot. They used to argue and fight a lot. But that was a very long time ago. So we need to try hard and not think about the past if we want to get better. To be honest I think the first step to cure depression is to forget about the past. Think about it for a second and try to write your problems and put the time next to them. You'll find that most of them are fairly old. I'm sure you've been to a restaurant where you had an awful meal and you will remember that meal if you pass the same restaurant. But let me ask you something please. Do you think about that meal every day? No, there no need. Why? because you'll be burning so much energy and will not enjoy your life. Next, you mentioned other stuff which you going to have (IVF) in the future and you not sure if it's going to be ok. I believe that people with depression stuck in the past and people with anxiety worry about the future. Please do not worry about tomorrow so much because no one has yet seen tomorrow. I'm a big destiny believer and believe we (humans) born with limited capabilities and don't have much control over anything. Can you believe that a plastic bottle and piece of metal live a lot longer than a human? I'm not hopeless at all but I'm trying to tell you that life is very short and there is no need to worry about anything. My son is nearly 5 years old and for nearly 5 years me and my wife been suffering because he's autistic. I don't want to tell you my problems because I don't want to upset you. I've been having issues with my families and other things in this life from day 1. And do you what? I try not to think about one but the next problem kicks in. I have a lot to tell you but it's not easy to write things down, it's always better to talk instead of writing. I'm going to wrap up by reminding you about 3 words. Past (causes depression), Future (causes anxiety), and Present(where you need to be). Thinking about the past too much, and worrying about the future too much cause depression and anxiety. So try and focus on the present. Let me know if you need to talk and I will be happy to help.
Thank you
Thank you, I will try and take that on board and notice the pattern. It's just when I had therapy before all they seemed interested in was the past. I do have a friend who says stay in the present and I do try. A lot feels in the present right now as I'm waiting for the meet with the clinic so my mind is working overtime on trying to mentally prepare myself for it questions to ask and so forth, I'm going to try for a round with less heavy drugs but I'm concerned they will say it's more effective with the drugs and I compromise my health (I remember a similar conversation from my last round). I had a bit of bad news on it today that they want to delay until 3 months after I've stopped breastfeeding which does upset me as I'm not an older mum by choice and first transfer isn't necessarily going to work. I know I'm whittling about the future again but it is important to me. It took us 8 years to get our first child it does come into consideration a lot of delays were by the system.
My mums ashes is present, it happened yesterday although she's been passed for sometime the ashes finding a place of rest has been difficult. My Dad said he'd want his there too, which again is something I have to work through as he has a new partner now. Although they were apparently childhood friends, his new partner claims she's the love of his life. So there are lots of things going on in the present that I have to process I guess. My anxiety in the future sees my dad's funeral with new partner there and ashes placed with mums.
I will definitely try and be more aware of past and present thank you. I did wonder down a wormhole of the past today on something else so I'll try and pop that behind me and shut that door.
I definitely notice the need to go and double check things quite a lot too around work. I know I've done it but I still have to check several times. I guess things like front door etc too.
 
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