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Theres a thread somewhere in the forums about personality and illness..... (sorry long)

M

_messofme_

Active member
Joined
May 8, 2015
Messages
40
Location
New Zealand
Theres a thread somewhere in the forums about personality and illness..... (sorry long)

I shall find and link it here...

link: http://www.mentalhealthforum.net/forum/thread108646.html#post1121500

its gotten me thinking more about the idea of who i am without BPD.
that if i strip away all BPD entails, and the things i do (such as study, care for children etc) then who/ what am i?


I know im a person, i have a heart beat, lungs and other organs, i bleed, i have limbs and walk upright so i have to be a member of the human spices. But thats not all of who i am.

I know i am caring, kind, i like helping others, i value others, i value honestly, i believe in hope.

I am connect to people through various relationship, such as sister, daughter, friend, 'aunty', godmother.Yet i am still not only this.

I like purple alot, i also really like butterflies and daisies, and the sounds of a river or stream. I like being in the country and smelling silage. I like the sound of the rain and birds, the smell of fresh cut grass. And i like walking in the bushes, the open air, i like looking at the sky (both at night and day time). I love playing on swings, and the sound of children laughing makes me happy. I even enjoy spending time with children. I lve reading novels and other books, i like colouring in and painting and being creative in general. I like the sound of the violin, piano and guitar.

I am a student working towards a social work degree, im 27, im single, i am an independent adult who managed money, i have been/am a caregiver to elderly and children. I want to help others, to make a difference in the lives of vulnerable people.


YET... i have this things called BPD, im borderline... "'im walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind, On the border line of the edge, And where I walk alone" Green Day - Boulevard Of Broken Dreams Lyrics | MetroLyrics. I have this self-destructive nature that has defined me to mental health professionals for the last 10 years, i have been labeled/diagnosed/identified as a patient. I ticked the boxes of 8 out of the 9 criteria in the DSM-V. Everything i do is viewed through this lens by those around that know (including friends but its not as bad as professionals). Being borderline, in some ways means i balance on the edge of various personality disorders (traits?).... that i have various facets of self but nothing that i can pin down. I am scarred- both physically and emotionally. I am an 'adult' who has to re-learn how to 'be' a normal functioning contributing member of society. i have to be rehabilitated fro m the early childhood mis-representations of 'being an adult and coping'. I have to learn to trust again that people wont abandon, leave reject me. That they don't all think of me the way i do. I have to learn how to manage emotions in a safe and reasonable way because what ive always done is dangerous and ineffective- yet i still do it. I have to learn to 'look after/ comfort/sooth myself'.

YET I STILL COME BACK TO WHO AM I?

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So tell me... Who Are You?
 
Apravo

Apravo

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 7, 2015
Messages
234
Location
Cheshire
It made me smile, And was quite thought provoking. Do you find volunteering work helps you? I'm just about to start some for silver line.
 
M

_messofme_

Active member
Joined
May 8, 2015
Messages
40
Location
New Zealand
oh cool :)
I find that i do enjoy it, often im on my own there and i find it quite peacful
 
G

Golden

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Joined
May 3, 2015
Messages
208
Location
Norwich
Symptoms of brain malfunctioning whether that be from trauma or so called illness are just that. Symptoms. There is a being here in me that is unique and nobody is like me. I may have depressions but they are mine and nobody is sad about what I am sad about.

I'm fighting to be me. To not care about a Dr's opinion of me because an opinion is all it is.

Try to examine your personality. A disorder I think is a brain difference.

I'm talking rubbish. It's really hard to separate yourself from a disorder. It permeates every thought and experience. That's hard to comprehend. Maybe we should not try to understand but instead love the person we are.
 
M

_messofme_

Active member
Joined
May 8, 2015
Messages
40
Location
New Zealand
Symptoms of brain malfunctioning whether that be from trauma or so called illness are just that. Symptoms. There is a being here in me that is unique and nobody is like me. I may have depressions but they are mine and nobody is sad about what I am sad about.

I'm fighting to be me. To not care about a Dr's opinion of me because an opinion is all it is.

Try to examine your personality. A disorder I think is a brain difference.

I'm talking rubbish. It's really hard to separate yourself from a disorder. It permeates every thought and experience. That's hard to comprehend. Maybe we should not try to understand but instead love the person we are.
My issue though is that i cant understand who i am. 'who' myself even is.. so to accept and love 'myself' is difficult. because i don't inherently know or have an internal understanding of who i am.

how do you love somethings/someone that you dont understand.. that you dont know?
 
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