• Welcome! It’s great to see you. Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

There's a dark side of me.

J

Jomp

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Joined
Jul 25, 2020
Messages
132
Location
UK
This reminds me of the story of the business man and the fishing boy. The business man sees the boy fishing and says to him, "If this were my jetty, I'd get someone else to fish and buy another boat. Then, I'd get someone else to work while I build another. Soon, I'd have a fleet of boats, with people working for me and then I can spend all day, sitting on the bank, fishing. That's my dream."

Comfort isn't something you can search for; it's internal. Someone can get as much comfort from the random act of kindness from a stranger than they would from winning the lottery.

Ok, that came straight from a Hallmark Card, but you seem to be spending more time worrying about trying to find comfort, which is like having sex to find virginity, than identifying what it is that you, not everyone around you, wants out of life.

Comfort is a state of mind.

What do you enjoy?
 
Lance__

Lance__

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Joined
Oct 21, 2019
Messages
260
Location
Spain
A little bit of my background. Although I was raised in US as a kid, I had Korean people. Throughout the history, Korean people went through hardships for centuries. They had to be ruthless and competitive in order to cope with the hardships, ensuring their survival.

The Korean Peninsula was a small piece of land surrounded by bigger, more powerful civilizations. Their land were raided constantly. In order to prevent themselves from being annihilated, they have to be ready. They have to be tough and not lose. This mindset is used when Koreans face a difficult situation. And it can screw up their minds...
I feel sorry for the Korean people who was raised with this mindset, I feel like it brings so much suffering to its people that it is invisible. I can understand why they think they should be 'tough', it's like a matter of survival, like the law of the jungle. But that would mean that vulnerability and perceived weakness are not accepted, but repressed instead. I would bet that many people who say out loud that they are tough and "strong", have a very wounded inner child which is craving for understanding and for acceptance of its vulnerability, but that it's ignored and neglected by its own culture, which is really sad. I would say that better than being "tough", would be to have an inner strengh, full of light, empowered by self acceptance and self love.

About the dark personality you mentioned, I would say that looking at my own experience with similar parts, this part of yourself is really trying to protect you from the hostile environment you have described. Because for this part, if you are not tough enough, you will be bullied, crushed, or hurt by others, and that's from what he/she is trying to protect you. Maybe you can talk with this part to know him/her better, through visualization, meditation, or just focusing on the feelings this part of you is expressing, or in other ways you feel comfortable with. This kind of parts are like protectors that are indeed protecting a very vulnerable child part that was probably hurt in your childhood, and who needs unconditional love and acceptance that did not receive in that time. But this is from my experience, and maybe this does not resonate with you, so if it is the case just ignore it :p
I hope you can find your own and healthy path in that kind of environment. I really wish it.
 
frisas45

frisas45

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 22, 2019
Messages
874
Location
South Korea
This reminds me of the story of the business man and the fishing boy. The business man sees the boy fishing and says to him, "If this were my jetty, I'd get someone else to fish and buy another boat. Then, I'd get someone else to work while I build another. Soon, I'd have a fleet of boats, with people working for me and then I can spend all day, sitting on the bank, fishing. That's my dream."

Comfort isn't something you can search for; it's internal. Someone can get as much comfort from the random act of kindness from a stranger than they would from winning the lottery.

Ok, that came straight from a Hallmark Card, but you seem to be spending more time worrying about trying to find comfort, which is like having sex to find virginity, than identifying what it is that you, not everyone around you, wants out of life.

Comfort is a state of mind.

What do you enjoy?
Writing, drawing anime figures.
 
frisas45

frisas45

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 22, 2019
Messages
874
Location
South Korea
I feel sorry for the Korean people who was raised with this mindset, I feel like it brings so much suffering to its people that it is invisible. I can understand why they think they should be 'tough', it's like a matter of survival, like the law of the jungle. But that would mean that vulnerability and perceived weakness are not accepted, but repressed instead. I would bet that many people who say out loud that they are tough and "strong", have a very wounded inner child which is craving for understanding and for acceptance of its vulnerability, but that it's ignored and neglected by its own culture, which is really sad. I would say that better than being "tough", would be to have an inner strengh, full of light, empowered by self acceptance and self love.

About the dark personality you mentioned, I would say that looking at my own experience with similar parts, this part of yourself is really trying to protect you from the hostile environment you have described. Because for this part, if you are not tough enough, you will be bullied, crushed, or hurt by others, and that's from what he/she is trying to protect you. Maybe you can talk with this part to know him/her better, through visualization, meditation, or just focusing on the feelings this part of you is expressing, or in other ways you feel comfortable with. This kind of parts are like protectors that are indeed protecting a very vulnerable child part that was probably hurt in your childhood, and who needs unconditional love and acceptance that did not receive in that time. But this is from my experience, and maybe this does not resonate with you, so if it is the case just ignore it :p
I hope you can find your own and healthy path in that kind of environment. I really wish it.
You know, times are hard all over the world. The world might end up like South Korea, all being competitive and be repressed. Even if I'm wrong, at least US might follow Korea's footsteps.

People are hopeless. Depressed. Positive thoughts are not working. They fail. All we can do is struggle to survive. That's the only way to "hope". This means no matter where I go, I have to use this messed-up mindset to survive. And I can't take this shit. :( Tried that for years, and ended up snapping. I am mentally ill, and I might harm someone if I push myself way too hard. Because stress is too great. If you don't what I'm saying, just look:

 
frisas45

frisas45

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 22, 2019
Messages
874
Location
South Korea
Anything that takes you outside or involves other people?
Playing video games with my friends, cosplaying, anime conventions, etc. However, economy's hard nowadays. You can't hang out with friends. Hell, they are too damn busy struggling to survive.
 
J

Jomp

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 25, 2020
Messages
132
Location
UK
You know what Frisa, there are many people who don't see life as a struggle to exist. Cosplay, anime, video games - they all have one thing in common: they're fantasy worlds with unreal expectations and simplistic, fairy-story plots.

If you want to find meaning in your life and find a purpose then you have to go looking for one, not expect one to land in your lap because you've won another video game trophy.

You want the world to be more caring, then be more caring. Get out and help people. Go buy a burger for a homeless person, offer to help at a charity shop.

Helping other people is the fastest route to genuine self-fulfilment for most.

The world isn't a struggle; your perception of the world is that it's a struggle. To change your point of view you have to stand somewhere else.
 
frisas45

frisas45

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 22, 2019
Messages
874
Location
South Korea
You know what Frisa, there are many people who don't see life as a struggle to exist. Cosplay, anime, video games - they all have one thing in common: they're fantasy worlds with unreal expectations and simplistic, fairy-story plots.

If you want to find meaning in your life and find a purpose then you have to go looking for one, not expect one to land in your lap because you've won another video game trophy.

You want the world to be more caring, then be more caring. Get out and help people. Go buy a burger for a homeless person, offer to help at a charity shop.

Helping other people is the fastest route to genuine self-fulfilment for most.

The world isn't a struggle; your perception of the world is that it's a struggle. To change your point of view you have to stand somewhere else.
I do help people a lot, bud. I do charities. But what I found out is that fulfillment comes out when I do what I desire. Yes, anime may be fantasy, but we can make it a bit more realistic. We can build bonds through common interests and push past the surrealism. It's better than half-assing on something you don't want trying to fulfill something in vain.
 
frisas45

frisas45

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 22, 2019
Messages
874
Location
South Korea
I do help people a lot, bud. I do charities. But what I found out is that fulfillment comes out when I do what I desire. Yes, anime may be fantasy, but we can make it a bit more realistic. We can build bonds through common interests and push past the surrealism. It's better than half-assing on something you don't want trying to fulfill something in vain.
Life is way too short to waste time refraining from our dreams. It is better to fulfill it.
 
J

Jomp

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Joined
Jul 25, 2020
Messages
132
Location
UK
Dreams, in this context, should be aspirations to which you can aspire. Not fanciful dreams that exist only in fantasy.

As I said above: to see the world differently, you have to stand somewhere else.
 
frisas45

frisas45

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 22, 2019
Messages
874
Location
South Korea
Dreams, in this context, should be aspirations to which you can aspire. Not fanciful dreams that exist only in fantasy.

As I said above: to see the world differently, you have to stand somewhere else.
I can stand somewhere else, but I'm not gonna waste my life trying to do something great. If that's not what I want, no reason wasting time and effort acheiving it.
 
J

Jomp

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Joined
Jul 25, 2020
Messages
132
Location
UK
You can't do the same thing and expect different results. You started this thread because you wanted to see the world as more than just a constant struggle.

No one is suggesting you do something great, just gain a new perspective.

Anyway, you seem reluctant to do anything more than what you're doing.

Good luck.
 
frisas45

frisas45

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 22, 2019
Messages
874
Location
South Korea
You can't do the same thing and expect different results. You started this thread because you wanted to see the world as more than just a constant struggle.

No one is suggesting you do something great, just gain a new perspective.

Anyway, you seem reluctant to do anything more than what you're doing.

Good luck.
Sigh.

Looks like you don't understand what my point is.

I can do different. I can be different. I can gain a new perspective and I don't have to quit my desires. Gaining a new perspective doesn't always mean I have to surrender everything. What's my hobby has to do with being different? I can do whatever I want, and change perspectives. Sure, I can try something new, but I dont have to kick off old ones. My hobbies have nothing to do with my discouragement. I did try to find hope somewhere other than anime, mind you. I learned a lot by educating myself some world history. I have other ambitions. I have other plans. Your advice wad great, but I have to disagree on this one. Farewell.
 
frisas45

frisas45

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Joined
Mar 22, 2019
Messages
874
Location
South Korea
Sigh.

Looks like you don't understand what my point is.

I can do different. I can be different. I can gain a new perspective and I don't have to quit my desires. Gaining a new perspective doesn't always mean I have to surrender everything. My hobbies have nothing to do with my discouragement. I did try to find hope somewhere other than anime, mind you. I learned a lot by educating myself some world history. I have other ambitions. I have other plans. Your advice wad great, but I have to disagree on this one. Farewell.
 
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