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There's a dark side of me.

frisas45

frisas45

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Joined
Mar 22, 2019
Messages
855
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South Korea
Have you heard of Jordan Peterson? He said that life is nothing but suffering. Same thing with Buddha and Jesus. They preached about this. Some say suffering is a norm for Christians and other religions. In fact, it's a normal for anybody. But unlike Peterson, my twisted mind tells me we shouldn't ease it. Rather, we should suck it up and let it harbor. We should push through the pain rather than ease it. I tried to ease it but the damn agony inside me is tearing me apart ceaselessly. So I did the second method and I'm exhausted.

I feel shame. I'm not strong enough. Other people are tougher. I felt this pain since when I was a child.

I want to be comforted, and find a solution if I can't be comforted. But my mind pressures me to be invalidated. For instance, you lose a loved one and no parents comfort you. They bitch at you about how their generation faced starvation and taunt you for not handling a "menial" ordeal. In some cases, you cry out because you get abused, only to have your parents take away your meal for a week. As a punishment for being weak. (My parents weren't like this, but people around me were.)

My mind yells at me that this is the truth. That we shouldn't receive support for our pain. Rather, we should be rebuked to "toughen up". And this enrages me.

I tried to accept this dark personality when I was a preteen. I tried to be tough. But I ended up snapping to the pressure of being tough. Mental breakdown. Total devastation. But it still haunts me and drives me nuts. Hell, I don't know what to do.
 
frisas45

frisas45

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Joined
Mar 22, 2019
Messages
855
Location
South Korea
A little bit of my background. Although I was raised in US as a kid, I had Korean people. Throughout the history, Korean people went through hardships for centuries. They had to be ruthless and competitive in order to cope with the hardships, ensuring their survival.

The Korean Peninsula was a small piece of land surrounded by bigger, more powerful civilizations. Their land were raided constantly. In order to prevent themselves from being annihilated, they have to be ready. They have to be tough and not lose. This mindset is used when Koreans face a difficult situation. And it can screw up their minds...
 
Lunar Lady

Lunar Lady

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Forum Guide
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Mar 19, 2019
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7,858
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UK
@Lunar Lady You can help me with this one. :)
There's a very old saying, Frisa:

"The tree that bends in the wind survives the storm"

Pain is part of life but never something we should face alone or imagine we have to process with stoicism. I do not believe the point of life is to suffer. We will all know hurt - nobody gets through life without a broken romance, or bereavement, sickness, disappointment, loneliness... These things are part of life but without the sad times and hardship, we wouldn't appreciate joy and happiness. We need the storms and rain to appreciate a beautiful day.

When times are hard for you, I believe you should seek whatever support you need and minimise your suffering. This is how we overcome things and move on. :hug: xxx
 
N

Nukelavee

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Joined
Dec 17, 2019
Messages
1,772
Location
London, ON
It's not about being tougher, it's about being stronger. And wiser. We only have so much endurance for pain, sooner or later, it's going to catch up and we collapse.

So, we try to get stronger by learning better healthier ways to cope. As opposed to not coping.

The people around you advocate being harsh and suffering, because it's what they grew up with. You shouldn't have to feel the same way - them saying that is them trying to validate their own experience. It's easier to take the idea that a hard life made you a valued person, rather than knowing it stunted your emotions.

You need to deal with life on your terms, not theirs.

Also - disagreeing with Jordan Peterson kinda makes you more rational.
 
frisas45

frisas45

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 22, 2019
Messages
855
Location
South Korea
There's a very old saying, Frisa:

"The tree that bends in the wind survives the storm"

Pain is part of life but never something we should face alone or imagine we have to process with stoicism. I do not believe the point of life is to suffer. We will all know hurt - nobody gets through life without a broken romance, or bereavement, sickness, disappointment, loneliness... These things are part of life but without the sad times and hardship, we wouldn't appreciate joy and happiness. We need the storms and rain to appreciate a beautiful day.

When times are hard for you, I believe you should seek whatever support you need and minimise your suffering. This is how we overcome things and move on. :hug: xxx
Thank you for your kind words! :love:;):peace::)
 
frisas45

frisas45

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 22, 2019
Messages
855
Location
South Korea
It's not about being tougher, it's about being stronger. And wiser. We only have so much endurance for pain, sooner or later, it's going to catch up and we collapse.

So, we try to get stronger by learning better healthier ways to cope. As opposed to not coping.

The people around you advocate being harsh and suffering, because it's what they grew up with. You shouldn't have to feel the same way - them saying that is them trying to validate their own experience. It's easier to take the idea that a hard life made you a valued person, rather than knowing it stunted your emotions.

You need to deal with life on your terms, not theirs.

Also - disagreeing with Jordan Peterson kinda makes you more rational.
Thank you for the logical advice! :) I don't agree with Jordan Peterson, although he never mentioned religion...
 
M

Mary26

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Joined
Feb 28, 2018
Messages
241
Location
USA
There certainly is suffering in life but I don't think religion promotes self inflicted suffering. I know there are sects that practice self flaggelation but I think they do it for some spiritual benefit. As for your culture, I think the message is to promote resilience through stoicism but the narrative that runs through your thoughts sounds more like "you're not good enough and you deserve to suffer", which has nothing to do with resilience or spirituality. I could be wrong but what I'm hearing comes from abuse. (hugs)
 
frisas45

frisas45

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Joined
Mar 22, 2019
Messages
855
Location
South Korea
There certainly is suffering in life but I don't think religion promotes self inflicted suffering. I know there are sects that practice self flaggelation but I think they do it for some spiritual benefit. As for your culture, I think the message is to promote resilience through stoicism but the narrative that runs through your thoughts sounds more like "you're not good enough and you deserve to suffer", which has nothing to do with resilience or spirituality. I could be wrong but what I'm hearing comes from abuse. (hugs)
It's a lot of psychological abuse in my culture. Not all Koreans do this, but there are few old-fashioned people who promote this.
 
M

Mary26

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Feb 28, 2018
Messages
241
Location
USA
It's a lot of psychological abuse in my culture. Not all Koreans do this, but there are few old-fashioned people who promote this.
I am sorry to hear that. I wish you healing and peace.
 
H

Headingtothelight

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Joined
Apr 6, 2020
Messages
124
Location
scotland
Get some hot milk get someone that loves u dearly and that u love to give u cuddles and cuddle u to sleep get your inner child out pretend your 7-8 for the day it opens doors u didn’t even know were there x🤪🤪🤪🤩😔😔
 
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