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Therapy, not in the mood for it

Lavender_Rose

Lavender_Rose

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I go to therapy and I try. But half the time I find im not really in the mood to talk. It hard enough already to open up to someone. I also kinda brace myself for it so I think I particular go into the "im okay" mode. Sometimes I want it to be as easy as it is with my inner dialog but I know I'd just end up regretting saying so much later.
 
Tawny

Tawny

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Can you do it every fortnight?
You could write a brief diary, one sentence, per day and take it with you. Any emotion, write it down
 
Lavender_Rose

Lavender_Rose

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Can you do it every fortnight?
You could write a brief diary, one sentence, per day and take it with you. Any emotion, write it down
I go once a week for the most part. I could try writing some stuff down but if feel weird reading it.
 
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Am33

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Therapy is just one part .What does it do it uncovers our beliefs . Our minds work very much like a computer and you need some kind of protection program that uncovers viruses unwanted files .That's what therapy does ,but just like a computer once the virus is detected you have to delete it . That's where affirmations , mantras , prayers come in to form new positive beliefs to delete the old ones.
 
Bizzarebitrary

Bizzarebitrary

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I also kinda brace myself for it so I think I particular go into the "im okay" mode.
What is that resistance, do you think? Defense mechanism? Or a survival skill you learned? Something else?

Sometimes I want it to be as easy as it is with my inner dialog but I know I'd just end up regretting saying so much later.
Regret disclosing your inner dialov because you think your therapist might judge you, scold you, or find you repulsive? Or regret afterwards because there's a part of you whose job it is to scold, judge or otherwise be a meanie to you if you turn your insides out?
 
Lavender_Rose

Lavender_Rose

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What is that resistance, do you think? Defense mechanism? Or a survival skill you learned? Something else?
Probably both of those. Survival skill more though if I had to guess. I can't let my guard down because I don't feel safe.
Regret disclosing your inner dialov because you think your therapist might judge you, scold you, or find you repulsive? Or regret afterwards because there's a part of you whose job it is to scold, judge or otherwise be a meanie to you if you turn your insides out?
Im afraid she will find put my weakness and use it against me later. Some of it judgement though, because I havent told her certain things because I feel judged about it. If I open up I am often mean to myself after saying it was stupid should have kept my mouth shut. But I have a big problem with self hatred. It why mantras are something I haven't been able to really do yet.
 
Bizzarebitrary

Bizzarebitrary

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Im afraid she will find put my weakness and use it against me later. Some of it judgement though, because I havent told her certain things because I feel judged about it.
I understand how self-preservation compels you not to reveal your weak spots. And, that is definitely a topic for therapy. What I mean is if you cant talk about the stuff that you hate, disown, fear or are embarrassed about in therapy? You might be able to talk about why you can't talk about those things.

If your therapist judges you, they are crap at their job. When you wrote your therapist could "use them against me later", I'm curious how. How might a therapist use what you tell them against you?

But I have a big problem with self hatred. It why mantras...
It has helped me to learn that not everything that I hold inside me is from me, some of it is or was "force-fed" to me. By the culture I grew up in. By my parents, sibling. By American society. Such as my ideal notion of what love is. I've begun seriously investigating my beliefs to try and determine which agree with my values and which I adopted or swallowed without wondering why. This has helped me.

What ideas about yourself might be internalized (not yours)?
 
Zaz3

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Therapy is ok as it gives you someone to talk to. But when it's over the slippery slide back into depression is almost inevitable (for me).
 
Lavender_Rose

Lavender_Rose

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If your therapist judges you, they are crap at their job. When you wrote your therapist could "use them against me later", I'm curious how. How might a therapist use what you tell them against you?
She does judge me, I dont think. I know what the idea comes from. It because I had someone I really trusted do that to me. Probably the person I've trusted the most with my secrets. Im not a trusting person so if that person could do it why wouldn't anyone else? I get the flaws in that logical. Logically I know that not the case but the emotion with be more in control then.
What ideas about yourself might be internalized (not yours)?
I don’t really know that I had people of negative influence in my life growing up. All my negative voices are me in my head. So if there is something there its not something I'm aware of.

You ask questions like a therapist. So your probably smart or sensitive or empathetic. Its a good quality to have but sometimes its tiring.
 
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Sugold

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I go to therapy and I try. But half the time I find im not really in the mood to talk. It hard enough already to open up to someone. I also kinda brace myself for it so I think I particular go into the "im okay" mode. Sometimes I want it to be as easy as it is with my inner dialog but I know I'd just end up regretting saying so much later.
Can I ask what for exactly are you going to therapy?
 
Bizzarebitrary

Bizzarebitrary

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Im not a trusting person so if that person could do it why wouldn't anyone else?
That makes sense to me emotionally. Logic isn’t much help to me in matters of emotions, I have an anxiety disorder.
Thanks for the explanations and your patience with my questions.

I took me 4 years of going to therapy with the same therapist before I could be open about the stuff that was rotting inside. It wasn't wasted time really. It took just as long I needed.
 
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Sugold

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What do I go for? Depression and anxiety I've gone a few times in my life but I always end up quitting the therapy. Trying not to this time.
Okay, that's fine. But you don't sound as you're sincerely motivated or covinced about the therapies working out for you, due to your past experiences that you explained well. My actual question is: What is the point in going to therapy (I just assume the therapies are all from the same or similar kind?) if you already know, the chances that they are suited for you are slim anyway? Wouldn't it be more efficient for your situation, if you were to look for a specific kind of therapy that you're actually interested in giving a try?
 
Lavender_Rose

Lavender_Rose

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Okay, that's fine. But you don't sound as you're sincerely motivated or covinced about the therapies working out for you, due to your past experiences that you explained well. My actual question is: What is the point in going to therapy (I just assume the therapies are all from the same or similar kind?) if you already know, the chances that they are suited for you are slim anyway? Wouldn't it be more efficient for your situation, if you were to look for a specific kind of therapy that you're actually interested in giving a try?
If someone going to therapy i would think that some part of them wants help but may not know how to get it. A therapist may be able to guide you to that. As far as me specifically this therapist does take somewhat of a different approach. She has also suggest a second therapist specifically for my panic episodes. The few times I was in therapy before once I was a child so I had no real say in when I left it or what was happening really the other times I was very resistant to the process. The knowledge of that is what is different this time. Im trying to be more open minded because I'm aware my health is becoming worse and medicine is not a fix all. Even if my therapy was the same if my mind set is different it could make all the difference. Ive been very open this time about my resistant to opening up and my past experience and how I have left when I felt to scared. Anyone willing to try shouldn't be discouraged. Sometimes you try but your just not ready. It might take me a long time to really get what I need out of this but the fact that I keep trying even though there are things inside me screaming to just give up sometimes. I don't know what I need or want or what best for me. I just hope eventually something will click.
 
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