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Therapy hasn't worked for eight years and I'm getting desperate.

K

Kenareth

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Joined
Feb 18, 2020
Messages
4
Location
Nevada
Hello... sorry, I'm not going to be great at all the conversation and introduction to forums, I'm just getting kinda at the end of my rope...

I'm twenty five years old. I sought therapy right after highschool for what I thought was "perfectionism." My first therapist laughed at me when I said I might have anxiety. Since then, the support I've gotten from therapy has improved, but my emotional state has not. Sometimes I wonder if it was worth going to therapy for "perfectionism," and maybe if I had just ignored it I would never have held myself back or believed it to be any worse.

I now am certain I have social anxiety and depression. I don't accomplish a tenth of the things I want to do. I don't start projects, life-improvements, or attempts to learn things, nonetheless finish them. This sucks. I see myself as blatantly inferior to most other people. Furthermore, I'm starting to push back against people who try to help.

My last therapist was a waste of time and money. She spent almost two months of bi-weekly phone meetings going over the same introductory questions. Do you take any drugs, does your family have a history of depression, do you have any thoughts of slef harm, have you ever taken drugs, does anyone in your family have depression, do you regularly use drugs, alcohol, or marijuana as forms of self treatment, have you considered suicide?

For six months we talked and the only time I *got* anything from those discussions were when I was at the end of my rope and had no options but to scream at her, cry, fall down in the middle of my house with tears streaming down my face and ask her why all she does is listen. Only then would I actually feel good after talking to her. My social anxiety makes talking to people and being confrontational feel like physical pain and strain, but at that point there was nothing between me and the source of adrenaline, desperation, and genuine fear that nothing was changing.

Six months after I started seeing her, she asked what I actually needed. Six months of paying for sessions, of answering the same questions over and over, of talking and circles and arguing and crying with this woman who I felt like I was sharing a very private piece of my life with, and she had no idea what was "wrong" with me.

She could tell I was furious, and I could tell she didn't care. I scheduled another meeting and didn't attend it. I was too depressed to get around to writing a bad review. I recovered. I broke up with my abusive girlfriend. I moved back in with my mom then into my own apartment. I'm eating better, though thanks to covid I've never been less active.

But I'm also realizing that, to some extent it's always been this way with therapy. We talk in circles for a couple months, they don't tell me to do anything or change the way I live, they just talk, which, like I said, is just painful to me. So I'm paying sometimes 35$ a week to be in pain for an hour and accomplish nothing.

...

Thanks... I needed to get all that off my chest. And now I've "hit a wall" and my anxiety's kinda peaking and I've already promised myself I would post this no matter how long and awkward it gets...

And I guess what I'm asking is is there anything else? I said I was improving and yeah, but I feel like I'm just returning to sort of a neutral position, which has never been as good as I want it to be... I'm in pain every day because my job involves talking to people. My hobby involves talking to people. Life involves talking, and no matter how or how much I've tried to "exercise" my social muscle it just feels exhausting and defeating.

Is there anything else I could be doing? Therapy hasn't worked, and I thought for a while that I could just try to take care of myself but that's not really helping either. How do I get actual... not advice... but treatment? How do I get anything in my life to actually change?
 
JessisMe

JessisMe

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Feb 27, 2020
Messages
8,662
Location
Nashua NH
I hear you and I sympathize with your situation.
I have had the same therapist for years now.
He basically just sits there like a toad on a pole and listens. He very rarely offers any kind or feedback and when he does it is trite and poorly thought out. Things like, “I think you should move out if your parents house.”
And “maybe you should cook more.” In what way are these things therapeutic? I can only think that they get away with essentially wasting our time like this because they know how much therapists are in demand and how they will be able to scoop someone up in an instant were you to part ways with them. The only thing I can think of for you is going to see a good psychiatrist and possibly getting on some meds. They might be able to refer you to a good Cognitive Behavioral Therapy program that might help also. I’m really sorry to hear how much you have struggled with this. Just know that you are not alone. ps: welcome to the forums! 😊
 
K

Kenareth

New member
Joined
Feb 18, 2020
Messages
4
Location
Nevada
The only thing I can think of for you is going to see a good psychiatrist and possibly getting on some meds. They might be able to refer you to a good Cognitive Behavioral Therapy program that might help also. I’m really sorry to hear how much you have struggled with this. Just know that you are not alone. ps: welcome to the forums! 😊
Thank you! You're the first person I've met who doesn't throw heaping praise on every therapist like they're a glorious workforce of selfless martyrs.

Psychiatry didn't work for me either. I didn't know what to expect. Whenever the meds weren't working I would tell my psychiatrist and she would look at me with this genuinely disappointed expression and say "well, I don't know what you want me to do, should I increase the dosage?"

And then when I was at the max dosage of drug1 she was allowed to give me, she gave me that dissappointed look and speech and gave me drug2, which did basically the same as drug1 but didn't legally count as overdosing, I guess?

But thanks for responding. At this point it just feels good to speak and be heard for once.
 
T

turnitoffandonagain_again

Well-known member
Joined
May 27, 2020
Messages
750
Location
UK
Still not convinced therapy ever works, for any non-trivial problem. I've been in-and-out of various forms of it for 35 years now, and feel no better than when I started.

The only time I felt better was when my physical symptoms improved for unknown reasons, and my life objectively got better, then I perked up quite considerably. Then when I got physically unwell again, and even more so than before, I got depressed again.

For me what matters are objective circumstances, not how one thinks about things. For me it's not complicated - I feel better when life is better. When my life is crap I feel crap.

Sometimes I think human existence is just intrinsically depressing, that depression is the default condition. But you keep it at bay by finding distractions and cultivating delusions. The trouble is when things go wrong and prevent you doing that, making the distractions impossible and destroying your delusions. Then you are faced with the grimness of it all.
 
J

Jay03

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Joined
Aug 15, 2021
Messages
1
Location
London ontario
Hey everyone, I'm very sympathetic in what you are going through, and wish you healing and empowerment. If you find you may need any sort of help I have found that frequencies do help in relief for certain things, to overcome. If you are curious here is a video I have found that could help through meditation, for self healing. Sorry if this isn't what you want to see, I don't mean to offend anyone here.396hz Frequency/Sound Healing
 
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