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Therapy Cancelled This Week

prairiechick

prairiechick

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My therapist is sick and is on doctor's orders to not work this week. I've been having such a hard time already while she was on holidays, and have literally been counting down the days until I would see her again, and now I have to wait until next week. I am disappointed and angry, and feel bad for feeling that way, because I know she is really sick.
 
prairiechick

prairiechick

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Wanting to self harm because I miss her so much and feel like I can't emotionally handle yet another week without talking with her.
 
Gajolene

Gajolene

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You'll make it through Prairie, you have proven how strong you are time and time again. It's just hard to see it for ourselves when we are used to feeling so lost and in need of reassurance that we are going to be ok and we worry, worry, worry. Huge huge hugs, Hope we can help you make it through and give you that courage you are trying so hard to find. :hug1:
How's the snow out your way, is building up quickly this month here in Ontario? Hope school is still doing well. Have you made any friends yet?
 
prairiechick

prairiechick

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I want to self harm because I am mad at myself for being mad at my therapist for something she can't control.
 
pepecat

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Oh sheesh..... That's the last thing you needed right now.
My therapist only cancelled one session with me, and I remember being angry, and upset with her, and then angry with myself for being angry and upset with her...... And then I was worried about her- was she ok, what if she wasn't back the week after...... And then what if she WAS back the week after, because I knew she'd want to talk about how I felt about her cancelling....
I felt like whatever my reaction was to the cancelled session wasn't the 'right' one. The child in me was going 'it's not fair' and the adult was going, well it must be important otherwise she wouldn't have cancelled and she'll be back next week'......

You do NOT need to punish yourself about this. How you feel is how you feel. End of. There's no right or wrong about it. It is what it is. And right now it sucks and you're upset and angry and wondering how the hell you're going to do another week without her. You're allowed to feel like that. Sounds perfectly reasonable actually......
She hasn't abandoned you, even though it feels like it right now. She's been there for you so far, and obviously cares about you, and she'll be there for you again.

Do you ever keep a journal of therapy sessions? It was probably the most helpful thing I did when I was having therapy. I used to write down an account of each session, but I'd also write stuff down in between sessions as well, which I found helped, especially when shitty stuff like a cancelled session happened.
Maybe write her a letter telling her how angry and pissed off you are with her, and then tear it up or somehting. Could be a way of getting the emotion of it out without hurting yourself.
 
prairiechick

prairiechick

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I don't keep a journal of my therapy sessions, because right now we're basically focusing on the neurotherapy, although we do talk a bit before we get me hooked up to the electrodes and the computer.

I had myself a little cry and I'm not feeling so much in danger of self-harming right now.
 
prairiechick

prairiechick

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I am starting to get scared that she won't be better by next week. Pepecat, I know you are right, that she hasn't abandoned me, but I still feel abandoned. I just don't know how I am going to be able to focus on uni this week. I was really counting on being able to talk to my therapist about my attachment issues this week, and I am headed for another cry right now.
 
pepecat

pepecat

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I am starting to get scared that she won't be better by next week.
I know.......:hug:
And there is a chance she may not be better by next week. I'm not going to tell you otherwise cos that would be bad of me - to be all 'of course she'll be back', but she might not be.
Try and hang on to the experiences you've had with her so far - how supportive and warm she's been towards you, and know that those were real experiences and she was genuine with you.
If she's anything like my therapist was, she'll be feeling bad that she's sick and can't see you, because she'll know how much you mean to her and how hard it is for you at the moment with her being off.

Pepecat, I know you are right, that she hasn't abandoned me, but I still feel abandoned.
I know you do....... :hug:
It's hard to try and separate out the thought - the 'knowing' - that she hasn't abandoned you, from the feeling - the 'small child' bit of us - which feels like we've been abandoned.

I was really counting on being able to talk to my therapist about my attachment issues this week, and I am headed for another cry right now.
It's hard when we're desperate to talk to someone about stuff, and have been counting down the days to do that, and then we feel let down by them - even though it's not their fault - and especially when the one thing you wanted to talk about (attachment stuff) is now what's causing you so much hurt because she's not there.

It's not wrong to cry, prairie, so go ahead and cry as much as you like. It's painful to sit with those feelings of abandonment, but if you can do it, then you'll learn that you can deal with painful situations and get through it. You might not want to, or like doing it (who does....), but you'll come to realise you can do it.

Maybe break it down into chunks of a day at a time, or into mornings and evenings or something. And at the moment, the biggest part of the break is behind you - you've done what, three, four weeks now? it sucks to have to do another week without her, but you've made it this far. It is like a renewed kick in the stomach because you were counting on seeing her this week, so now you have to re-align your emotions and put looking forward to next session on another few days, but hang in there chick. We'll help you through this.
 
prairiechick

prairiechick

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:hug1::hug1::hug1:
I know.......:hug:
And there is a chance she may not be better by next week. I'm not going to tell you otherwise cos that would be bad of me - to be all 'of course she'll be back', but she might not be.
Try and hang on to the experiences you've had with her so far - how supportive and warm she's been towards you, and know that those were real experiences and she was genuine with you.
If she's anything like my therapist was, she'll be feeling bad that she's sick and can't see you, because she'll know how much you mean to her and how hard it is for you at the moment with her being off.


I know you do....... :hug:
It's hard to try and separate out the thought - the 'knowing' - that she hasn't abandoned you, from the feeling - the 'small child' bit of us - which feels like we've been abandoned.


It's hard when we're desperate to talk to someone about stuff, and have been counting down the days to do that, and then we feel let down by them - even though it's not their fault - and especially when the one thing you wanted to talk about (attachment stuff) is now what's causing you so much hurt because she's not there.

It's not wrong to cry, prairie, so go ahead and cry as much as you like. It's painful to sit with those feelings of abandonment, but if you can do it, then you'll learn that you can deal with painful situations and get through it. You might not want to, or like doing it (who does....), but you'll come to realise you can do it.

Maybe break it down into chunks of a day at a time, or into mornings and evenings or something. And at the moment, the biggest part of the break is behind you - you've done what, three, four weeks now? it sucks to have to do another week without her, but you've made it this far. It is like a renewed kick in the stomach because you were counting on seeing her this week, so now you have to re-align your emotions and put looking forward to next session on another few days, but hang in there chick. We'll help you through this.
 
ScaredCat

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I know it is really hard to cope when your counsellor cancels. Am hijacking your thread, sorry. Like now i am panicing incase she cant get in tomorrow cos of snow. It is when it is last minute that it is worse though cos i have been thinking about what i need to talk about then i cant say it cos she isnt there so i usually end up crying for hours. Have been seeing her for a while now so i try to keep it in my head every week how i will cope if she cancels that week. She hardly ever does cancel btw. Hope you will be able to get to some calmness and be able to get through, not too badly, until you next see her:hug:
 
prairiechick

prairiechick

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I have gotten absolutely nothing done this morning. It's a beautiful, sunny day, and I can't even motivate myself to go for a walk. I have not showered or eaten a proper breakfast or brushed my teeth. I don't feel like going to class this afternoon. This is my long day of classes, from 4-10 pm, and I know I can't afford to miss all the material that will be covered in class tonight.
 
prairiechick

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I know, you are right. I have to go. I don't want to lose class participation marks. Plus, we do assignments in class that can only be done in class. 15% of my grade comes from class participation. I have to get myself in the shower.
 
prairiechick

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I did manage to go to class last night, and came home feeling totally wound up and downright bitchy. Throughout both 3 hour classes a couple of girls were continually whispering and giggling right through the lectures, and it was SO ANNOYING. I feel like I am back in junior high with a bunch of giggly 13 year olds instead of university. My professor is always having to tell them to be quiet and to get off their cell phones. Cell phones are supposed to be turned off during class, but some students have NO RESPECT.

I took some extra zopiclone last night, and had the first good sleep that I've had in awhile, and I am feeling much better today. I think it was actually harder going to therapy and having someone different there to do the neurotherapy than it is to simply miss a couple of sessions.
 
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