The Worst Day

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ELO73

Member
Joined
Oct 27, 2018
Messages
12
Location
West Yorkshire
#1
So after having 5 months off work for depression and anxiety following a nervous breakdown, today I was given the boot from work due to my continued incapacity. It's all above board, all the right channels have been followed and I knew it was on the cards. I've had to attend numerous meetings over the last few months, all of which have triggered huge anxiety attacks and proved to be major set backs in my recovery. So in a way I'm glad it is over so that I no longer have to cope with the crippling work related stress I was suffering from. I sobbed like a baby all through the 20 minute meeting. Even my boss cried!

Then I came home exhausted to find my alcoholic partner trying to smuggle booze into the house and I hit 10 straight away and went into a meltdown that has shocked even me. I mean I was completely out of control - not violent to my partner or anything but just screaming and breaking stuff and crying hysterically. My partner had a liver transplant 4 years ago and we've been together for 22 years. I have been through a LOT of shit due to his drinking and after all the crap I've been going through, today's episode was just too much for me to bear.

And now what? No job, a dysfunctional relationship which requires me to be the parent all the time and I have to sell my house because I can't pay the mortgage. How am I ever going to recover when shit keeps being slung at me from all angles? It just feels relentless......
 
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gam9147

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 18, 2019
Messages
150
Location
Delaware, USA
#2
Hi Elo, that is a lot of stuff all at once. I think anyone would have a breakdown after a day like that. I completely sympathize and would just say you need to allow yourself to feel really bad for a while after all this before you can start to take steps to recovery. Don't get ahead of yourself.

Are you able to get some therapy through any means? therapy is of course going to be the best place to feel, talk out all these issues and help you see a path forward.
 
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ELO73

Member
Joined
Oct 27, 2018
Messages
12
Location
West Yorkshire
#4
Hi Elo, that is a lot of stuff all at once. I think anyone would have a breakdown after a day like that. I completely sympathize and would just say you need to allow yourself to feel really bad for a while after all this before you can start to take steps to recovery. Don't get ahead of yourself.

Are you able to get some therapy through any means? therapy is of course going to be the best place to feel, talk out all these issues and help you see a path forward.
I'm in therapy and have been since December. But every time I take a step forward I just get sidelined with more crap to deal with that takes me out of that frame of mind where I can just focus on me and getting better. I'm hoping that now I will finally get the time and space I need to start healing. And you're right, I do deserve the time to feel bad. I just feel so guilty all the time for not being productive or earning. It's hard to give myself permission to just not do anything.
 
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gam9147

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 18, 2019
Messages
150
Location
Delaware, USA
#5
I'm with you. I have been feeling poorly after a number of one-two punches in the past few months.. although I'd argue nothing as difficult as your going through. Bad stuff can't keep happening, it will level and steady. And you will get some breathing room to make some progress.

I felt so guilty I could't keep up with work for a few weeks, it was difficult to slow down and remind myself I haven't had a vacation in like 10 years. I deserve some time! you deserve some time after everything your going through! you will make up the work time later!