• Share. Be Supported. Recover.

    We are a friendly, safe community supporting each other's mental health. We are open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.

The whole truth...

L

laurasbubble

New member
Joined
Jul 30, 2009
Messages
2
Hey,
So, I'm new... When I was about 18 I suffered with depression and anxiety, and over a period of ten years I have learned how to manage my issues... It led me to the job I have now, as a manager of a mental health charity drop in and wellbeing centre. So I support people every day with differing mental health issues, and I train others to support people...

My boyfriend and I have been together for 10 months, and to make you all sick I've never loved this hard or found my true match like this before... He's a total blokes bloke a mechanic who loves his cars and playing world of warcraft...
Over the first two months he started to tell me (and show me) his social anxiety issues, he said he needed and wanted to seek help, and I promised o support him every step of the way. He visited the doctor, and even through private care had a meeting with a therapist... Over the space of 2 months he stopped his medication and didn't attend another therapist meeting. I didn't want to push him, I know from personal and professional experience that if someone is seeking recovery they have to do it for themselves, when the ime is right for them or it's pointless doing anything. So although we talked it through I decided not to be pushy...

Then a few weekends ago at my sisters wedding (we were al staying at the hotel the receptio was at) he had the mother of all attacks, he made the choice to go home and I was stuck between wanting to be there for him and my sisters wedding (of course all of my family were there and I was a bridesmaid). It was tough, and I stayed at the wedding, having to tell my family my new(ish) boyfriend was ill. He came back at about 10pm, and I'd had a few drinks and so on but felt like he needed me to sit with him and i needed to know he was OK.

We stayed at th hotel for a week, all friends and family and I wsa constantly ton between spending time with family (from all over the world) and supporting my boyfriend. At not one point did he make me choose, but he was suicidal and of course I was not going to leave him to be alone... As hard as it was for him, it was bad for me too... Not only seeing the one human I love more than anything so utterly low, but then having family askin me where I am, and why my boyfriend wasn't there.

After 4 days of sitting with him I began to feel resentment and anger towards him, but we talked it out and he went to the doctors again, explained that he'd taken himself off the meds and the doctor gave him more and so on. However, I know theapy is needed.. Like I always say to people, you can't put a band aid on a broken leg, you need a full plaster cast. He is making no effort to seek talking therapies, in my job I have seen people from all walks of life, and non find therapy easy to begin with but all benefit from the right type of therapy.

I am just so scared, I can't handle the thought of an attack that big again, I know he has social issues and I know how to support him through them in so many ways but if he won't seek the support himself I am powerless. I don't want our relationship to end, everything is perfect between us, and although he has issues he supports me in my life too.

It's almost as if I can see the start of the light at the end of the tunnel, and I can see the other darker side, and I know he has to choose, and I wish for him to chose the light, but I don't know if he will.

1/2 of this is a rant, the other half is maybe to tell myself that I can't escape what maybe inevitable. I sometimes sit and think I can help 20+ people at work yet with the man I love I am powerless... I won't give up on him but I have to keep myself safe too.

So, if you're still reading - well done and thanks!

Laura x
 
Onlymebud

Onlymebud

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 28, 2009
Messages
185
:hi: Laura.

It must be a difficult thing to go through, luckily for me i'm the crazy one in my relationship :p ( just keeping it light hearted lol )

If he doesn't want to talk or feel he can talk to someone in person do you think you could get him to talk online?

I could never have brought myself to actually go somewhere and talk but coming here has already helped me loads.

I hope talking here can at least offer you some peace and i wish you all the luck in the world :grouphug: he sounds like a very lucky man :flowers:
 
nickh

nickh

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Feb 14, 2008
Messages
1,428
Location
Birmingham UK
First :welcome: to the Forum Laura :).

This must be a really difficult situation for you. The only thing I can suggest to remember (or consider as a possibility) -and this may not be a help - is how destructive guilt is. I have an incredibly supportive and wonderful partner who has supported me for over 20 years and yet I still get guilty when I am ill and therefore we have to miss a family event/evening out/life together etc. etc.. In the beginning this was incredibly hard and I used to get very guilty - which of course made the depression much worse so I was even less able to leave the house/face anyone else. I am not really sure that there is any clear way round this - except I do now understand, theoretically at least, how bad for me guilt is so try not to feel it (although this doesn't work all the time by any means :rolleyes:). As I say this probably isn't much help just a suggestion of something you might bear in mind.

Nick.
 
L

laurasbubble

New member
Joined
Jul 30, 2009
Messages
2
Thank you!

I ended up coming home to a boyfriend who had sorted a lot out himself and of course we ended up talking about thigs...
This weekend we're off to another family gathering and we've decided to take things as slowly as needed.

Thanks again all!

x x x
 

Similar threads

Top