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The travesty which is psychiatric hospitalazation

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Irone93

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I have been involuntarly hospitalized twice. I can barely begin to eulicidate the complex and profound experience. the ineffectiveness of inpatient care I think boils down to the same think as psychiatry as a whole. Most of the people in there have had some type of mind destroying tragedy occur. There was one women for instance that had two children by her father. You are fucked after something like that, you will never be OK. Yet she has to sit there and listen to 22 year old nurses aids lecture her about stress reduction. You should chew gum or drink black tea, go for a walk, take up a hobbie. SHE HAD TWO KIDS BY HER DAD. She should chew gum, really? Her problem is she can't handle stress? It's insainly condescending. Not only is she a victim of such a horrific nature that her reality is nothing you can imagine but now she is blamed for it! This is because you have not learned life skills like me the 22 year old nurses aid, I'll teach you. What! We are here not because we don't know something it's because we know too much. Our illusions have been shatterd. The narritive you use to hang your sensory input on we no longer have. You assume you know more because you are functioning more in line with concencess reality.
Or you are screwd up because you have a cerebral inbalence. Could it be the inbalences was caused by my life and not the other way around. If this was medicine there would be empiricaly based tests, and actual results. People need respect and love, but that is costly, pills and condescension is much, much, easier.
 
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Saranoya

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There was one women for instance that had two children by her father. You are fucked after something like that, you will never be OK.
I beg to differ.

Horrible things happen to a lot of people. Some of them never recover. With some, you'd swear nothing bad had ever happened to them until one day, out of the blue, they decide to sit down to lunch with you and throw their deepest secret your face. In some, you can see the signs, but only if you know exactly where to look. And sometimes, you just don't know. Period.

I can understand your frustration about twenty-two-year-olds, most of whom have gone through less than half the shit that life has thrown at you, telling you what to do. Sometimes it seems like the people around us are living in a different world than we are. In many ways, they are.

In chronological age, you have almost a decade and a half on me. Everything about you – from the way you dress, to your awkward handling of the smartphone your husband talked you into, to the ages of your parents and your children – tells me that you and I hail from different generations. You had married the love of your life by the time I got my first 'big girl' bicycle. I'll bet that somewhere, in a treasured shoebox at the bottom of your closet for instance, you have a sizable stack of hand-written love letters. I'll bet that your music collection is at least half vinyl. Me, I grew up mostly in the age of paperless communications and digital music. And yet, in a fundamental way, you seem so much younger than I am – unencumbered by the harshness of a complicated life.
I'd love to have grown up in a world where married people love each other, parents exist to protect and take care of their children, incurable diseases don't exist, home is a safe place, and secrets are kept because they’re fun — not because if the truth gets out, there will be blood. That's the world the woman from the quote lives in. It isn't mine, and it isn't yours.

You're not going to help yourself by dwelling on that injustice, though. It is what it is. And most of the people who live in the "happy" mirror universe are there through no fault of their own, just like we are in ours through no fault of our own. They are trying to help you, the only way they know how to. You can either reject everything they say out of hand because they don't know what it's like to be you (which they don't), or you can take their suggestions to heart, and try, and try, and try again, until you find something that helps you get your life back on the rails.
 
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Irone93

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I hope I did not offend you, I tried to delete my post but apparently waited to long. It was in ill advised example of what I was trying to express and poorly written. I'm sorry.
 
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Saranoya

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No! Don't apologize.

I understand that you are in a dark place right now. I would be too, if someone tried to lock me up in a hospital against my will.

That said, I have to disagree with your assertion that things never get better. They do. They have, for me. That's why I had to call you out on the statement that "you will never be OK". You will never be the same person you could have been if nothing horrible had ever happened to you. The fact is, something horrible did happen to you. Now you have to figure out a way to live your life despite that. If you can do that, then some day you will be "OK". You will have a job, and friends, and hobbies, and things to look forward to.

Could you have been happier if your life had turned out differently? Probably. But that's beside the point. You got dealt a shitty hand of cards, in life. Now play the hell out of it!
 

cpuusage

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That said, I have to disagree with your assertion that things never get better. They do. They have, for me. That's why I had to call you out on the statement that "you will never be OK". You will never be the same person you could have been if nothing horrible had ever happened to you. The fact is, something horrible did happen to you. Now you have to figure out a way to live your life despite that. If you can do that, then some day you will be "OK". You will have a job, and friends, and hobbies, and things to look forward to.

Could you have been happier if your life had turned out differently? Probably. But that's beside the point. You got dealt a shitty hand of cards, in life. Now play the hell out of it!
i do like the sentiment - i think it's also true & not true - It's individual - some people end up OK, & some people don't, with various stages in-between - there are a lot of stories/anecdotes i could recount - from the man i met who'd been in a locked ward/secure units 40 years, to all the deaths i've known.

Some people make remarkable healing/recovery & transformation with their lives, & others don't - some people have a lifetime of illness.

Some people won't have a have a job, and friends, and hobbies, and things to look forward to.

The job thing i can't manage - & don't think i ever will again now - i do have a few friends, & some interests, but i find it very hard to look forward to things.

i think there should be a balance of acknowledging the severity of difficulties some people have, with expectation of healing/recovery. i also think there should be far more comprehensive approaches of care & healing used. Medications can help in cases, but i also don't think that maintaining people on lifetimes of psychiatric drugs is a particularly humane or effective approach in a lot of cases, especially longer term.

Lack of proper psychological/social support & help i think is also a major issue, especially when what only seems to be on offer in most cases is some short term basic CBT/Mindfulness/OT, if that.

Honestly, i can't fully get over the first severe psychotic break, & being sectioned 4 months on a locked ward & everything that entailed - 25 years ago. i don't think some people ever fully do get over certain stuff.
 
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Saranoya

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OK, cpuusage. I have a cousin whose father committed suicide when she was four. I think there may have been other strange things happening in that family -- things that can't bear the light of day, and which, naturally, nobody ever talks about. Point being, though: what she went through as a child made her into who she is today. And who she is today is a totally out of control young adult who goes from prison to forensic psychiatry to assisted living and back to prison, because she goes crazy and puts buildings on fire (sometimes with people sleeping in them) every time something happens that she cannot cope with. She has proven time and time again that she's incapable of living outside of the rigid structure imposed on her by institutionalized care.

What purpose does it serve, though, for me to tell that story here? Wouldn't you rather hear mine? Wouldn't you rather know that even though people like my cousin exist, people like me exist, as well?

If you read some of my posts here, you will quickly find out that my life is nowhere near perfect. I have been hospitalized for suicide attempts. I sometimes have days where I do nothing at all, except try my very hardest simply to survive. I have weird hang-ups about intimacy, both physical and emotional, which may or may not have permanently compromised my ability to get into a meaningful intimate relationship. My job is a soulless nine-to-five that could be done by a trained monkey of slightly above average intelligence. I can do better. Except that I can't, because my health (both physical and, to a lesser extent, mental) makes it so that I take at least six to eight sick days a year. I am an unreliable employee for that reason.

I don't want to tell a sob story. I want to tell a story that may, perhaps, inspire someone else to try to get where I am, and beyond. Because the non-sobby parts of my story are just as true as the sobby parts. I do have a full-time job where I'm surrounded by great colleagues. I do have friends who would fly to the moon and back for me, if they thought that might help. I do have hobbies, and I do have things to look forward to, even though sometimes I forget.

Don't tell yourself things will never get better. They will. Or at the very least, they definitely can. Hold on to that -- not to the thought that "things are what they are", and you'll just have to accept it.

Find the strength to accept what you cannot change. Find the courage to change what you cannot accept. Above all, find the wisdom to tell the difference.
 
SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

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We are here not because we don't know something it's because we know too much. Our illusions have been shatterd. The narritive you use to hang your sensory input on we no longer have. You assume you know more because you are functioning more in line with concencess reality.
Or you are screwd up because you have a cerebral inbalence. Could it be the inbalences was caused by my life and not the other way around. If this was medicine there would be empiricaly based tests, and actual results. People need respect and love, but that is costly, pills and condescension is much, much, easier.
Hear hear! :clap:
 

cpuusage

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Thank you for the reply Saranoya.

I don't want to tell a sob story. I want to tell a story that may, perhaps, inspire someone else to try to get where I am, and beyond. Because the non-sobby parts of my story are just as true as the sobby parts. I do have a full-time job where I'm surrounded by great colleagues. I do have friends who would fly to the moon and back for me, if they thought that might help. I do have hobbies, and I do have things to look forward to, even though sometimes I forget.

Don't tell yourself things will never get better. They will. Or at the very least, they definitely can. Hold on to that -- not to the thought that "things are what they are", and you'll just have to accept it.
A lot of things are what they are & i think a lot does have to come down to acceptance.

i've felt stuck with a lot of things recently.

i have tried, over the years on this forum to share a lot of stuff about healing & more uplifting areas.

Well done on your own progress - i also feel i have made much progress as well.

i find it very hard to change certain things, i don't see a very civilised or enlightened World.
 
NicoretteGummed

NicoretteGummed

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Thank you for the reply Saranoya.



A lot of things are what they are & i think a lot does have to come down to acceptance.

i've felt stuck with a lot of things recently.

i have tried, over the years on this forum to share a lot of stuff about healing & more uplifting areas.

Well done on your own progress - i also feel i have made much progress as well.

i find it very hard to change certain things, i don't see a very civilised or enlightened World.
Do you possibly concede cpu that your current difficulties could quite possibly be a really maxxed out version of tremendous existential angst???

Maybe something worth pursuing perhaps???
 
calypso

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Irene, this is your thread. You are perfectly entitled to your experience and yes, I can see how hospital is a nightmare at times. I found it mainly boring. So, anger is natural and can be healthy. The biggest problem I saw was that the care assistants (nurse's aids) were the only ones on the floor of the unit talking to anyone. The trained nurses, who could have guided them, stayed in the office and never put a foot out on the unit!

I think what you are describing is total lack of training and throwing these people onto the ward with little insight because no-one is helping them to gain any. Mind, the trained nurses weren't brilliant, in my experience, but at least they could have nudged the untrained to think first.

That said, sometimes we all need a place of safety - I know I did, I wouldn't be here without it, so occasionally its needed. You say "nurse's aids", are you American? If so I don't really know that system, being British. I do know that the US doesn't have a Mental Health Act (I think?), so the rights of people in hospitals there aren't protected in any way.
 

cpuusage

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Do you possibly concede cpu that your current difficulties could quite possibly be a really maxxed out version of tremendous existential angst???
Something along those lines is possible i suppose? i think it's a number of things. As far as it's possible to i don't think many people have very open eyes - i don't know what other people see? i see a pretty nightmarish World, but i suppose that's life on this planet. i think there is something dreadfully wrong on this Earth, & always have thought that. i don't think that many people do want to fully comprehend or look at it all? A lot of people i think do live out these little myopic lives, focused on their own immediate reality & largely in denial of everything else.

i don't blame human nature for it all. & i don't see why it can't all be a lot better? But i think it has to start with seeing things for what they are.

In one sense isn't everything existential? Everything is just life.
 
Kerome

Kerome

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You know with a background in psychiatric institutions you are going to come into contact with a lot of people who have these terrible backgrounds of abuse, and it's easy to identify with them as your tribe and to see the world through their eyes, full of terrible people and events.

But in reality, statistically speaking, they are a small minority of the population. Most people don't have these events in their lives, growing up in much more normal circumstances and living dull but normal lives. If you open your eyes to that, you end up viewing the world as 90% dull and normal and 10% terrible, which all things considered is not so bad. We all do the best we can to fight the terrible and it's bad influences.

Could things be a lot better? I don't know, there are a lot of vested interests, memes which propagate but which have their uses, such as the banking system. I think slowly the world changes, and we have to be ambassadors for this better world, the world as we would like it to be.
 
SarahD

SarahD

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The world is nightmarish and mostly bad. I don't think that is anything to do with knowing people who had terrible experiences and have mental illness. Even if you are lucky and have a "normal" life it can be very hard, but you also cannot fail to see all the terrible things going on in the world at a local, national or international level. Find it hard to believe people don't notice! It is everywhere.

The only exception. I know is my aunt who recently died. For many years she had chosen not to have TV or read papers or even radio. She lived in a bubble cut off from most of the awful things going on in the world.

There is so much suffering in the world. The suffering of mentally ill is just a small part. Huge in our lives because we are closely involvd.
 
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Dottyone

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I agree Sarah :rolleyes:,

I think the world outside my flat is sick, their are some sicko's out their for sure, with some twisted fake religions fronting violence and murder.

I think your Aunt may have been onto something good blocking out the trash and horror storys on the news.

Anyone could be sat next to any Sicopath on a Bus or Train and not have a clue. :shrug:
 
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