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the thought of having social anxiety/anxiety is scaring me and i need help

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cmg95

Member
Joined
Apr 6, 2015
Messages
6
the thought of having social anxiety/anxiety is scaring me and i need help

i am pretty sure i have social anxiety and maybe something more like depression or gad...but i don't wan't to self diagnose myself. my whole life i have been shy and reluctant but not as extreme as i am today, it seems to progressively gotten worse. i always remember being able to make friends and be social in school all the way up to about sixth grade...i never felt panicked when i was invited to do something with a friend or a group of friends, i even had my friends come over to my house to hang out and never seemed to have trouble making new friends and becoming close and comfortable with them. now it is the complete opposite..as i got older (in middle school and throughout highschool) all of the stuff i mentioned before seems terrifying.when invited to hang out with someone i often make up excuses as to why i cant go or cancel plans (someone canceling plans before me is a HUGE relief to me). these last few years i have never ever willingly invited a friend over to my house because im afraid of what they might think and i feel like i would have to be in charge of the conversation since they would feel new to the surroundings and have never been there, and i absolutely HATE that responsibility because i CANT keep a convo and feel soooo awkward and scared of what they will think of what i say. The worst part of this is i see people all around me who dont struggle with this and are sociable and are getting recognized for things like art or poetry or doing well in school which i can do just as well but just never talk to anyone about it and keep it all to myself since im too shy to do otherwise. i want to have great friendships and i want to make strong connections with other people but im so scared to talk about myself and my interests...even telling someone what my favorite song or band would be terrifying to me, even though music is one of my biggest passions in life. i want to have friends to talk about stuff i like with but am so scared and dont even know how to start a convo about it bc everyone probably thinks im boring and awkward and they've known my face since middle school and know im shy and dont talk much and once i have a deep convo with them and they will really see what im like they will be so surprised and all their attention will be on me and i really really dont like the attention to be focused on me. even waiting my turn to participate in class is so nerve wrecking i feel like my life is flashing before my eyes and i think of every tiny thing that could go wrong, and i know the whole class has it's attention on me, i stutter or mix up my words and have to start over. then i think about my mistake and how embarrassed i felt, i feel like i will never want to participate again. giving presentations is the worst fear probably ever... i get anxious the day they are assigned, it could be three weeks before the actual date i have to present and all the days leading up to it will be ruined because i know how nervous and scared i will be on that particular day. the reason i think i may have depression is because i often convince myself that this is just the way i am and nothing will change that. i often imagine being in college and wanting to thrive socially but will hide away in my dorm, too scared to ever really live and be happy. also i feel like i have nothing to say and my mind is just blank while sitting at a table of people engaging in conversation, and will only but in if i know what im about to say is completely true or if i know they will know what i mean so that i dont look stupid or feel embarrassed. another reason i think i could be depressed is because my anxious feelings are holding me back from so much, i rarely go out with friends and just spend the whole weekend in my room alone and all i do is overthink and get emotional, it obviously isn't healthy. lately i have noticed i have no motivation to hang out with the only friends i am comfortable to be myself around and i dont know why. even the thought of having to have convorsation with my family scares me because i wont know what to talk about or will have such a minimal amount to say that the rest of the time will be extremely awkward. anxiety/depression does run in my family and i know i can talk to them about how i feel but again i am too scared to face it. i know this is a very long read, but i wanted to be as thorough as possible. if you read it all, thank you and please i could use all the help i could get..this is my first time talking about all of this.
 
katya

katya

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 4, 2013
Messages
2,052
Location
England
Hello and welcome to the forum!

I used to suffer with this a lot myself in university. I found it really hard.

You should talk to a counsellor or a therapist as soon as possible; that way, you can get help and can overcome this.

Things will get better.

Wishing you the best.
 
SarahD

SarahD

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 21, 2014
Messages
2,095
Location
UK
Hi cmg95

Welcome to the forum. This is a friendly place and I am sure you will find help and support here.

We have an Anxiety forum with a section on GAD, so you might like to post there, where you will get more replies.

I notice you say you were not anxious and were ok socially up till sixth grade? Did something happen then which may have changed things? It is something to think about.

I think it would be a good idea to look into counselling or therapy. I am sure you can get help with this.

Best wishes, Sarah. :flower2:
 
cassandra36

cassandra36

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 6, 2015
Messages
46
Location
USA PA
Hello, It was very brave of you to open up on this forum and that is the first step in your journey. You might just want quality over quantity with friends and associates. There is nothing wrong with that, you don't have to be the most popular and you just might be a very private person. If you can just work on making sure you are not perceived as arrogant because that is a common misjudgment of withdrawn personality types. Come out and say I feel uncomfortable in social settings and it might just improve your social anxiety. Find outgoing personality types , you might feel like they are beating down your defenses but they might help you. Social media has become the death of human to human interaction and it does just as much harm as good. The one side of me drives to be around people in the flesh and gets very little stimulus from online interaction. The other half understands you and your need to be introverted. Good luck
 
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