The suicidal thoughts have calmed down but now i feel lost

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Pffft

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#1
So yeah, I have noticed over the past few days they have totally calmed down now. I know this is a good thing but it's like I feel really lost since I was so certain of my fate. I feel I should be pleased but in some way I feel unsettled and out of sorts.
 
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EstherRose94

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#3
You’ll have to slowly take little steps to figure out what your likes and dislikes and goals and all that are. Take a little time to be patient and get to know yourself so that you can take care of yourself in the best ways possible.
 
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Girl interupted

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#4
It’s normal to have a period of grief afterwards. It’s your brain trying to reconcile what you almost lost. It’s a good thing, even if it doesn’t feel that way right now.

Take time to process what triggered you, demystify it and try to understand it so that if those triggers appear again you will be better equipped to identify and rationalize in your mind that it is only temporary and that you will get through it.

I’m glad you are feeling better.
 
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Pffft

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#5
Thank you all for the kind words. When I was writing this I felt stupid and in a situation that I should be handling better but I feel better reading your replies.

I never thought of seeing it as a grieving situation but it does make sense. @Girl Interrupted what do you mean when you say its my brain trying to reconcile what I could have lost? It's just I still feel shit about the situation so I dont feel like I am relieved to be happy. Sorry if this seems like I'm being rude it's just Im not 100% sure what you mean?

What I don't understand is why do i still want to do the things I need to do even though I dont feel suicidal?

Thanks everyone :) xx
 
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Girl interupted

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#6
Loss = death. No more second chances. You are grieving for your almost loss. It’s part of the stage to healing.
 
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EstherRose94

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#7
Pffft I don’t understand your last question. What do you still feel like you need to do?
 
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Pffft

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#8
Thanks for the clarification @Girl Interrupted. I understand what you mean. @EstherRose94 when I decided I was going to go ahead with the suicide I came up with jobs that I needed to do before acting on it. I still find myself checking through that list.
 
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Girl interupted

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#9
If you get to the end of the list and still feel this way, go to a hospital please. No, you are not bothering them by doing this. That is what they are there for. Xo
 
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EstherRose94

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#10
Ohh okay gotcha. Well how about you make a new list of things to do after? It can be “silly” stuff like take a walk, read a book. Pick things you like to fill up your days with. I find that those lists relax me a lot.

Are the things on your current list like things that will be productive for you to do? I mean cleaning the apartment or whatever that’s reasonable and you can still do that. But if it’s like “write my will” then you don’t need to do that and could replace it with something else. Unless it’s part of your healing process to do those things.

Have you shown anyone your list? You could share it with us. Maybe you need to be like “freed” from it. And we could help you make a new one with a more positive outlook 🥰
 
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Pffft

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#11
Thank you both.. I hope you realise how much I appreciate signing into here and seeing that I have replies of help. :)

The things in my list are a bit more substantial than that.. I have a motorbike and car and I want to get them ready so they are in really good condition to make them easier to sell. I will be writing adverts for them too so my family won't have anything to worry about when trying to sell them. I will also provide a price and the lowest price that is acceptable there will also be photos so they won't need to bother with that tedious task. I also need to finish off my letters. In my letter to my parents I will mention what I want to do with my stuff although tbh I just want the money to be used for the funeral. I haven't really wrote my list down as such but I do have it in my head.

My niece and nephew were over today and they are wonderful kids. But I just felt a deep sadness because I felt they triggered my suicidal thoughts and I just dont understand why as they make my day usually.

I feel my jobs are going to take at least a week so I feel im not at a point. I did tell my therapist last week and didn't mention it this week as the thoughts had settled.
 
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EstherRose94

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#12
Maybe you can switch the purpose of your letters to reaching out to the people you love for support. An “anti-suicide” letter of sorts. Reframing some of those thoughts that are swirling in your head and getting them down on paper will probably help you but you’ll have to be careful to really use that to your advantage and not let it pull you down. So asking for guidance in that task from your therapist might be a good idea. You don’t even have to ultimately share the letters; just writing them will be therapeutic.

It makes perfect sense to me that seeing the kids made you feel down; you were in a situation that you thought should make you happy and when it didn’t you started beating yourself up over it. It has nothing to do with your family and it doesn’t mean they don’t still make your day. You just need to keep working on healing first and then those things will totally bring you joy again. Just don’t be too hard on yourself.
 
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EstherRose94

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#13
Ultimately I just think that no matter what it is that has you down, there’s always a path to a life that you will be happy with and I don’t think you should miss out on it. The world needs you and your unique perspective too!
 
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EstherRose94

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#14
But keep in mind pfft I’m not a professional and I also have no idea what you’re going through. Just brainstorming with you!