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The right place?

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bubblerawk

New member
Joined
Aug 1, 2009
Messages
1
Location
Rochdale/Derby
hello, ive just found this site while trying to find help for myself.
i suffer with depression and have done for 3 and half years now, since i was 18 im now 21.

i have had my good days and bad. but at the moment im going through bad. at the moment i have everything to live for but for some reason i dont want to, i have a loving fiance and family im doing well at uni i have a car and a job but i cannot feel happy, i dont understand why i am like this because i know people would do anything for what ive got.

last year i O.D 5 times. i m worried i will do it again because its an impulse and i cant stop it. i hear voices from time to time and when i have my bad times it feels like someone has taken over my body and it doesnt feel like me and i cant control anything. i feel very embarrased talking about this. thats why i dont like ringing helplines.

its very difficult for people to understand me because one min i am fine then the next i hit rock bottom so fast i cant do anything to stop it. sometime things will cause it like a misunderstanding with my fiance or pareents but other times there is no cause. at the moment i feel very low and im on my own, i have no proper friend around me as im living at in a student house with my fiance 100miles from were i live, i have money problems so i cant go home, my fiance is at work and im meant to be in work at 11pm tonight.

but i cant stop feeling low and the urge to self harm, im on meds at the moment but they dont seem to be helping{40mg of prozac, 40mg of propranalol and 10mg of amliytripaline}, i went to see my doctor the other week but nothing much was said, and i see CPN each week but i need advice now. can someone help as i dont know what to do next =[
 
nickh

nickh

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Feb 14, 2008
Messages
1,428
Location
Birmingham UK
A couple of general things first bubblerawk.

First you are not alone. Well that will be pretty obvious if you look around the Forum a while :). Everything you describe is a symptom of some people's experience of Depression (the suddenness of attack, good and bad days, embarrassment etc.). This doesn't mean you are not wholly individual, any more than the fact that flu symptoms are shared makes those who share them any less individual.

Second there is often no obvious cause for Depression. I was exactly like you when I first became depressed - my life had no obvious reasons at all for me to become depressed. Now this is much more individual - after years of talking therapy I know that there are some deep psychological problems from my childhood ; but even after understanding these I am told, and believe, that I will always suffer from depression (as I do). Some people are fortunate enough to discover a 'cure' ; others don't. For some people changes in their life can make a difference ; for others they won't. What is really important is that you don't beat yourself up about having Depression - if you do this then you get guilty, and guilt is very bad for the illness, so you get into an ever worsening vicious cycle.

What can you do? Well in truth quite possibly not a lot. You have got medical support and hopefully this will be of good quality. Certainly trying out talking therapy would be worthwhile. Sadly it is often hard to get hold of but it is worth making the effort as it can be very beneficial; especially it can help you to identify anything which might trigger an attack when you are well. But as for when you are in the pit like now, what you need to do is work out your own coping strategy - something which keeps you safe. Everyone has their own version of this depending on their nature - meditation, video games, exercise, day time TV. At my worst I personally just stay in bed and re-read favourite books for the hundredth time. It doesn't do much to make me feel better but I am safe and not doing anything which will make me worse (and there are plenty of those things but I won't go into them!).

If you can make use of this Forum and write about how you feel and read of other people's experiences.

Best,

Nick.
 
Fartoolong

Fartoolong

Member
Joined
Aug 10, 2009
Messages
22
Location
London
Hi Bubblerawk.

I too am new to this forum, so maybe we can be newbie buddies and find our way together.

I am the same as you, in that I have good days, and then out of nowhere - I go downhill so fast that I confuse even myself as to why i'm feeling like that!

I also have eveything to live for. I have a fantastic husband, a beautiful 19 month old daughter, a loving family, a lovely home and good friends - so I often ask myself the same question - why do I still feel like this?

You are definately not alone.

Are you going to be having therapy? I was having it until March time, but my therapist left, so I decided to try to make a go of it on my own - after a horrible couple of months, my psychiatrist has referred me back to have CBT again. So i'm looking forward to having a bit of release.

Anyway, take care, and i'm around if you ever need to chat.
Louise x
 
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