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The return of Vanish

vanish

vanish

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Joined
Sep 29, 2014
Messages
4,047
Location
The Land of Oz
Well I haven't been here since last year, but I found it a supportive place to get things out in the open and (largely) protecting my anonymity. Here goes...

After being hospitalised for schizophrenia late last year, I entered into a relationship with my ex. I had not seen her in two years. I thought things were going well, but she called it off again and left me feeling very hurt and Vulnerable. Note to self: Never get back into a relationship with an ex, its just not worth it.

In the new year I found little support from previous avenues of support (ie. shrink, support workers, friends, family etc). I was still feeling very low when I decided to enrol in Tafe doing a diploma of youth work. I got it into my head that I would make an awesome support worker for young people with mental health challenges. Doing the course now and woah, most of it just goes straight over my head. I can't grasp what the teachers are trying to get across. This, doubled with the amount of assessments and vocational placement, has left me feeling like I am worthless and useless. I dare not tell my teacher or any member of the class that I have a mental illness, I feel like I want to complete the course without the disability workers being involved.

Most nights with this stress, I cry uncontrollably. Nobody knows I do that. At some points over the last few months I have contemplated suicide many times. I just think the world would be better off without me and that I am just a nothing, a complete waste of space.

Added to this, at times my course contains material which is quite graphic in nature. It is to prepare us for the real world which is not a very kind place to some kids. I get that, but having been abused by my stepmother, it strikes quite close to me at times. That in turn makes me think of the past and I feel terrible as a result.

I guess the story of where I've been this little isn't pretty. I honestly don't know what is going to eventuate if this current pattern continues.
 
SarahD

SarahD

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Joined
Oct 21, 2014
Messages
2,095
Location
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Hi vanish

If the stress is making you unwell, or it could be the other way round, you are not really well so the stress is making it hard to cope with - then it may be necessary to withdraw from the course. This doesn't have to be permanently. It doesn't mean you don't have the ability to do the course - and I think having experience of mental illness could be good background for someone doing that job. There are quite a few people who work in mental health who do have mental illness.

Is it possible to withdraw and restart the course later? I have found that I sometimes have to remove myself from difficult situations sometimes to avoid my mental health getting worse. The alternative is to admit you need help and accept support.
 
SarahD

SarahD

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Joined
Oct 21, 2014
Messages
2,095
Location
UK
Sorry - I meant to add that in any case you do need support. The emotional trauma with your ex, as well as the present situation, and feeling suicidal - you need support urgently.
 
vanish

vanish

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Joined
Sep 29, 2014
Messages
4,047
Location
The Land of Oz
I think I will let my shrink's nurse know not everything is as peachy-keen as it seems. I see her today for my fortnightly injection. I am not sure how to approach it though, do I just come out and say it?

I don't necessarily want to withdraw from the course, I want to prove to myself I can do this despite all the problems I have. I had another big cry last night but strangely enough after I had calmed down, I through myself into an assignment and finished it. Maybe a good cry is all I need? I know I need support badly, I'm just wondering what the most appropriate avenue of support actually is.
 
SarahD

SarahD

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Joined
Oct 21, 2014
Messages
2,095
Location
UK
Hi vanish, did you talk to the nurse and explain your situation? Were you given any suggestions for extra support?

The fact that you managed to finish your assignment despite the problems is very encouraging.
 
vanish

vanish

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Joined
Sep 29, 2014
Messages
4,047
Location
The Land of Oz
Yes I spoke to the nurse and strangely enough she already seemed to know which is weird, was it that damned obvious? She started by having a long discussion with me about avenues of support and then she even helped my tidy my apartment (she said if I lived in a tidy place I will naturally feel a little better). It has been decided between her and myself that she will check up with me every few days (instead of fortnightly) and she has arranged a referral for student support with the Tafe college I go to. She is also going to speak to my psychiatrist on my behalf to see what his opinion is. All in all, it seems pretty positive.
 
SarahD

SarahD

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 21, 2014
Messages
2,095
Location
UK
Well that is really good.

I must agree that living n a tidy home helps. When I am unwell my home is usually a big mess.

So she had noticed you were in need of help? She must be very good, the whole way she responded to you was helpful - helping you tidy up as well, planning on extra support from her and the college, and liaising with your psychiatrist.

I think things are looking more hopeful.
 
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