This will happen. Times like this will happen. The only choice is to prepare for them. Also to remember that you must fight through and remember that you will be able to reach the other side.
It's repetitive for me. Suicidal thoughts come and go. I fight through. My brain and body shut down. Eating is hard. Sleeping is brief peace. Reading and tv are pointless. Everything feels impossible.
So I make a bubble bath and I cry. I phone someone and I cry. I walk along the river and cry. I suffocate so I lay down and breathe. I distract over and over. Waves of pain come and go. I look at photographs of gran cuddling baby me. I talk to the people who loved me that have died like they are sitting in front of me. I listen to my book on cd. I put cream on my feet.
It's impossibly hard but it's not impossible.
Can you confide in anyone? Do you call any helplines?
What is troubling you right now? It's all got to come out bit by bit.