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The Narcissistic Mother

MeropeneM

MeropeneM

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ofcourse, if a child can feel love then they feel the pain too. some narcissistic mothers become controlling because they are in fact jealous of having to share the attention of her husband with another female in the house.
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Oh! The cat is out of the bag! It was about time somebody said it, what a beautiful and very true post! I scratched off the "narcissistic" word because what has been said does not apply only to those that are narcissistic. So some mothers, not some narcissistic mothers.

How true that is and this is by far the 2nd best post I've ever seen on this forum. Yes it is true, especially when the daughter reaches puberty and begins to have female features, some mothers, go insane! They become jealous and cannot tolerate that something more appealing to men than herself is in her household!

Thank you Cookoo!
 
MeropeneM

MeropeneM

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And the above can also come out of a sense of insecurity and poor self-image. Just about anything and everything can be a threat to that mother. So it's not only narcissism.
 
C

cookoo

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And the above can also come out of a sense of insecurity and poor self-image. Just about anything and everything can be a threat to that mother. So it's not only narcissism.
Thanks. There’s been some responses on this post that has helped me a lot & I hope my story has helped others too.
 
daffy

daffy

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I think this thread has debunked the myth that narcissists are just loud precocious hyacinth bucket type of people . But that they are family and confidence destroying people causing hurt and pain to those that they should love and care for
 
megirl

megirl

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I believe I have good insight in regards to my BPD diagnosis and how the affects me.
I struggle to understand how having narcissistic personality disorder would affect me. Would I be accepting of the diagnosis and want to know how this has come about, would I be motivated to want to try and change my way of thinking.
What I struggle with is that what would I do to deal with my issues if I suffered from NPD
would I deal with this diagnosis as I have with BPD
 
L

Lou84

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Apr 4, 2019
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Manchester
I believe my mother has narcissistic traits.
A very self-righteous self-centered person.
She can't see that what she does affects others, all she wants to see is that everything affects her.
She lacks insight and has no empathy for others.
My self-worth was taken off me because of her.
She pushed my friends away for me.
Isolated me and had me believe I was a nasty evil individual.
List goes on.

Anyway not having her in my life anymore has been a huge positive. It took me 40 years to get here.
All the years up to now I was still that hurt little girl inside trying to please and earn her mothers love
Hi ive just read your post and everything you have said i can relate too ! My mother is an addict and is ill with lung disease she is abusive and selfish difficult to be around but if i dont makesure she eats and tend to her own basic needs she will die i have to bring her to my house when she rings me telling me she hasnt had a meal for days beccause she spent all her money on drugs and all she does it try to take over and guilt trips me when she wants something what would you do in this situation? Ive trued getting her in rehad even took her to hospital to get professinal help but knobody is willing to help
 
megirl

megirl

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Its hard, when you're made to feel guilty. Its taken me 40 years to realise shes too toxic for me to be around. I finally came to terms that I actually can no longer in my life.
 
C

cookoo

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Hi ive just read your post and everything you have said i can relate too ! My mother is an addict and is ill with lung disease she is abusive and selfish difficult to be around but if i dont makesure she eats and tend to her own basic needs she will die i have to bring her to my house when she rings me telling me she hasnt had a meal for days beccause she spent all her money on drugs and all she does it try to take over and guilt trips me when she wants something what would you do in this situation? Ive trued getting her in rehad even took her to hospital to get professinal help but knobody is willing to help
the bitter truth is that if its affecting your own mental health then you are in no fit state to take care of her no matter how desperately she needs it. do your very best to get her professional help but do not sacrifice your own health to help her. no one is more important then your own health even your own parents.
 
A

Ambivalence

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No, I don’t have narcissistic parents really. But they were pretty neglectful growing up, leaving me alone to myself all the time. I guess I just had to learn a lot of life’s lessons on my own through books, films and teachers in school.

They both seemed to work too hard really growing up, and though things have softened over time, there never seemed to have that much of a deep connection, and neither seemed worthy of that much trust on being nonjudgemental.

My dad died recently from an illness and though I missed his presence a lot, to be honest, I don’t actually miss him as much as I act like he was. He rarely ever really approached me, and in conversations often answered with one word answers. Never really told anything about his past at all.

I didn’t hate him exactly, but he was just a stranger to me. My mom’s trying to make up for lost time as she spent caring for him, and I open up more, but not that much. We don’t share that much interest and she always gives vague advice, so I guess I just drift away from her then.
 
B

baileys

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Feb 4, 2012
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Hi cookoo

I have a covert narcissistic mother. It took me 50 years to realise that it wasn't me that was crazy.
As a child I felt very scared and confused by the world...still am now I suppose.
I couldn't understand why I was with this family that didn't seem to want me. She was very controlling, she controlled my thoughts, how I felt, how I acted etc.

Extrovert narcissists are quite easy to spot with their grandiose mannerisms but the covert or introvert narcissist are harder to spot because they are sly and sneaky. Because of this she has made a very good job, in my childhood and adult life, to convince the rest of the family and anyone else she knows that I am the problem and a bad person. She comes across to others as a poor old lady who only wanted the best for her daughter.

As an adult, I've found it very difficult to access my feelings and to know what I want to do with my life.

I've had anxiety and depression since I was 18 and find life very difficult. Trust is a biggy as well, I've never been able to trust anyone.
 
megirl

megirl

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I have bumped into a few people/friends she has. she only has 4 people in her life and banged into 2 of them maybe twice over the last 2 or so years they ask how I am? Gosh I had a fractured neck and multiple fractures throughout my body my mother turns up and not once did she ask how I was it was all about her. All the nasty stuff she says about the very few people in her life... I dont know confront her? She won't change. Better to put the energy into doing something for me and choose my friends to be family
 
C

cookoo

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Mar 16, 2019
Messages
78
Location
London
Hi cookoo

I have a covert narcissistic mother. It took me 50 years to realise that it wasn't me that was crazy.
As a child I felt very scared and confused by the world...still am now I suppose.
I couldn't understand why I was with this family that didn't seem to want me. She was very controlling, she controlled my thoughts, how I felt, how I acted etc.

Extrovert narcissists are quite easy to spot with their grandiose mannerisms but the covert or introvert narcissist are harder to spot because they are sly and sneaky. Because of this she has made a very good job, in my childhood and adult life, to convince the rest of the family and anyone else she knows that I am the problem and a bad person. She comes across to others as a poor old lady who only wanted the best for her daughter.

As an adult, I've found it very difficult to access my feelings and to know what I want to do with my life.

I've had anxiety and depression since I was 18 and find life very difficult. Trust is a biggy as well, I've never been able to trust anyone.
Hi baileys,

Thanks for your post. Did you know you had depression and anxiety when you was 18 years old? I too feel I had anxiety from a very young age but I was never really in control of my own emotions so I didn’t know if what I was thinking or feeling was out of character.
 
B

baileys

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Feb 4, 2012
Messages
44
Hi baileys,

Thanks for your post. Did you know you had depression and anxiety when you was 18 years old? I too feel I had anxiety from a very young age but I was never really in control of my own emotions so I didn’t know if what I was thinking or feeling was out of character.
I knew I had anxiety at 18, it started way before that but that's when I first recognised what I suffered from
 
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