The Narcissistic Mother

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cookoo

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#1
Who has had one? how did it affect your life and how did you deal with it in your childhood and adulthood?
Im suffering with depression and anxiety because of what i believe is having a narcissistic mum. at the age of 31 i am seperated from my husband and have no friends because i was so insecure.
 
Fairy Lucretia

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#2
hi ,i was really lucky to have a wonderful mum
wasn't so lucky with my dad though
im sorry you are going through this ,have you tried any therapy? xx
welcome to the forum
love fairy Lu x
 
megirl

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#3
I believe my mother has narcissistic traits.
A very self-righteous self-centered person.
She can't see that what she does affects others, all she wants to see is that everything affects her.
She lacks insight and has no empathy for others.
My self-worth was taken off me because of her.
She pushed my friends away for me.
Isolated me and had me believe I was a nasty evil individual.
List goes on.

Anyway not having her in my life anymore has been a huge positive. It took me 40 years to get here.
All the years up to now I was still that hurt little girl inside trying to please and earn her mothers love
 
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cookoo

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#4
sounds a lot like my mum. After you stopped talking to her did you ever feel like being the bigger person & forget what she put you through? I’m 31 & only after suffering from severe depression & separating from my husband have I realised that my mum is the root cause of it all.
 
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cookoo

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#5
hi ,i was really lucky to have a wonderful mum
wasn't so lucky with my dad though
im sorry you are going through this ,have you tried any therapy? xx
welcome to the forum
love fairy Lu x
Therapy made me feel worse off.
 
daffy

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#6
I was told to tell my mum about her abuse but I couldn’t do it. She would only have denied it or said I deserved it. The sad thing is when she got to her 80s she got dementia and changed into a gentle if slightly dotty old lady. I only wish she could have been like that as we were growing up ( not the dementia bit)
 
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#7
I was told to tell my mum about her abuse but I couldn’t do it. She would only have denied it or said I deserved it. The sad thing is when she got to her 80s she got dementia and changed into a gentle if slightly dotty old lady. I only wish she could have been like that as we were growing up ( not the dementia bit)
How did it affect you in adult hood not letting your mum know how you felt? I’ve always expressed how I felt to my mum she knows I pretty much hate her as a mother but she also managed to deny or find an excuse to her poor parenting skills.
 
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cookoo

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#8
I believe my mother has narcissistic traits.
A very self-righteous self-centered person.
She can't see that what she does affects others, all she wants to see is that everything affects her.
She lacks insight and has no empathy for others.
My self-worth was taken off me because of her.
She pushed my friends away for me.
Isolated me and had me believe I was a nasty evil individual.
List goes on.

Anyway not having her in my life anymore has been a huge positive. It took me 40 years to get here.
All the years up to now I was still that hurt little girl inside trying to please and earn her mothers love
sounds a lot like my mum. After you stopped talking to her did you ever feel like being the bigger person & forget what she put you through? I’m 31 & only after suffering from severe depression & separating from my husband have I realised that my mum is the root cause of it all.
 
daffy

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#10
How did it affect you in adult hood not letting your mum know how you felt? I’ve always expressed how I felt to my mum she knows I pretty much hate her as a mother but she also managed to deny or find an excuse to her poor parenting skills.
It affected me all my life. She would not takes responsibility for any of her actions always saying we deserved it. We had to be perfectly behaved and never told anyone about what was happening. She always was perfectly made up and extremely glamorous. But people did comment on her odd behaviour. My sister forgave her but I never could. I have severe social anxiety depression and schitzoaffective. I have also lost a lot of childhood memory.
 
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cookoo

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#11
yes and unfortunately I still live with her
How Are you coping? I was 26 years old when I left my family home but that didn’t stop my mum still interfering my life with my ex-husband. Setting boundaries is so important but I learnt that only when I got depression.
 
Flameheart

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#12
How Are you coping? I was 26 years old when I left my family home but that didn’t stop my mum still interfering my life with my ex-husband. Setting boundaries is so important but I learnt that only when I got depression.
I'm not really, I'm 19, I have no self esteem or confidence, no motivation to do the things I want to do, my mum criticises anything I do even if it's basic things like deciding to wash my hair and wanting to feel or look good, everything has to be her way or no way, feeling constantly worthless and ugly has just become a part of who I am because my mum doesn't allow me to feel any other way

I'm getting mental health help but I don't think I'll get better until I'm away from her, but I don't have the money, currently unemployed, dropped out of college because of a suicide attempt, just don't know how to hold on much longer
 
MeropeneM

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#14
You have to be very careful when she is telling you that she tells you off out of love. That she says those nasty things to you because she loves you and she is telling you stuff other strangers wouldn't tell you, "but would judge you silently". Be very careful. Focus on how it makes you feel and compare that to how much the flaw she is describing in you affects other people aside from her. Observe the discrepancy.

Be aware of statements such as "I know you", "I can tell", "I can read you" or "I can read people". Especially when she tells you that she can and proves the opposite. Sometimes you might have a doubt...that you're not sensitive enough to understand her love for you, but that can't be right because you ARE sensible enough to feel the hurt from what she tells you.

The value you have you feel it in you, it powers you up during the day and gives you the energy you need to do anything to achieve your goals. You have judgement and you can judge. You need to rely on your own judgement to tell what is right and what is wrong. Not on someone else's.

When you realize that and use your judgement to go through life, you will notice that she is nothing but a nuisance to you, a voice cursing in the background with little consequence to you.
 
MeropeneM

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#15
It's not a super bad thing if you treat it as what it is, surely not reason enough to break up the relationship, but you have to look at it as what it is. Some old lady cursing, don't give it other meanings because you are the new generation. You are in the power of your age. You are the one that young people look up to, trying to be like you. You are the model, so you make the fashion.

The old ones, we respect them but they are slipping away, they no longer play the leading role. No young fellow will look up to them saying I wana be like that 60 y.o. dude no. Not at all. They look up to the adult, the 30 yo.o adult in the power of his age. That's the rule model.

The old lady cursing, will begone and her curses will go with her. Don't give so much attention, you are the important one now so play your role. Inspire people.
 
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cookoo

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#16
It affected me all my life. She would not takes responsibility for any of her actions always saying we deserved it. We had to be perfectly behaved and never told anyone about what was happening. She always was perfectly made up and extremely glamorous. But people did comment on her odd behaviour. My sister forgave her but I never could. I have severe social anxiety depression and schitzoaffective. I have also lost a lot of childhood memory.
my mum too was a woman who kept herself looking glam but as i got older she never ever even once discussed anything that a teenager who's hitting puberty should know about. i had to figure everything out myself which was tough because i didn't have a sister who could advise me only brothers who were too boisterous. do you think your social anxiety depression is caused by how your mum treated you?
 
MeropeneM

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#17
I'm not really, I'm 19, I have no self esteem or confidence,
No self esteem, you were saying the contrary in the other topic about the dating. Didn't you tell me your self esteem was too high to be "easy" or to go out with randoms from forums? That you would play hard to get out of self-esteem? xD
 
daffy

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#18
It's not a super bad thing if you treat it as what it is, surely not reason enough to break up the relationship, but you have to look at it as what it is. Some old lady cursing, don't give it other meanings because you are the new generation. You are in the power of your age. You are the one that young people look up to, trying to be like you. You are the model, so you make the fashion.

The old ones, we respect them but they are slipping away, they no longer play the leading role. No young fellow will look up to them saying I wana be like that 60 y.o. dude no. Not at all. They look up to the adult, the 30 yo.o adult in the power of his age. That's the rule model.

The old lady cursing, will begone and her curses will go with her. Don't give so much attention, you are the important one now so play your role. Inspire people.
Meropane it wasnt just verbal she was extremely abusive . We were beaten and suffocated . I have poor hearing because she used to put bleach in my ears to clean them. But I thought every mum did that. I was told I was pretty but extremly stupid so I’d never make anything of my life unless I married into money.

I think part of my MH probs are inherited but the social anxiety is down to her knocking every ounce of confidence out of me.
 
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cookoo

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#19
It's not a super bad thing if you treat it as what it is, surely not reason enough to break up the relationship, but you have to look at it as what it is. Some old lady cursing, don't give it other meanings because you are the new generation. You are in the power of your age. You are the one that young people look up to, trying to be like you. You are the model, so you make the fashion.

The old ones, we respect them but they are slipping away, they no longer play the leading role. No young fellow will look up to them saying I wana be like that 60 y.o. dude no. Not at all. They look up to the adult, the 30 yo.o adult in the power of his age. That's the rule model.

The old lady cursing, will begone and her curses will go with her. Don't give so much attention, you are the important one now so play your role. Inspire people.
there is some truth in your message once you are aware that you have a narcissistic parent but how do you teach that to a child who knows nothing other then her parents at such a tender age? please have a read of this website which explains a narcissistic parent. even if you dont love your parents its like living with half a heart your whole life.

10 Signs of a Narcissistic Parent
 
MeropeneM

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#20
there is some truth in your message once you are aware that you have a narcissistic parent but how do you teach that to a child who knows nothing other then her parents at such a tender age? please have a read of this website which explains a narcissistic parent. even if you dont love your parents its like living with half a heart your whole life.

10 Signs of a Narcissistic Parent
There is no weakness in strength and no strength can ever be found in weakness. You have to rid yourself of your weakness and become strong. Your mother is not your right hand and your father is not your left hand, you are whole, a whole individual. There is no half-heart.

You have to find in yourself the source of your weakness, that which cuts your breath, and keeps you from being whole. Your body and your spirit you don't share it with anybody and no one can ever have possession over it. If you feel like you are not whole because a family member always rejected you, it is the weakness inside you that makes you feel that way.

What you have to determine is why you aren't feeling whole and extract the weakness from within you in order to be strong and whole.
 

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