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The more intense part of my BPD emotions came out today and I vented on the internet about my S.O. and got attacked for my frustration. I regret it.

D

DunkinDonutGal

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Geez, I'm pathetic. I've recently been arguing or having heated discussions with my significant other regarding his brother (who is super selfish and a jerk) and a lie that my s.o. has become entangled in. To give the shortened version my s.o.'s brother works for an industry that their parents would never approve of. So he lies about it. My s.o. keeps up with the lie. My s.o.'s parents ask my s.o. do chores for his brother because apparently his brother makes a lot of money and is therefore too busy to do his own adult stuff. His brother wears the company's gear in front of his parents while talking about how great work is. (they think he works in the food industry). My s.o. wants to work for that industry. I said he will be a liar by working for the same company as his brother (which is basically a double edged sword because he knows it's wrong but he wants to help his family). He wants to support his parents who are having harder times during this economy. My s.o. claims to be a Christian (I am not but I truly respect it!) and the way he defines his Christianity goes against his actions. He doesn't want to stress out his parents because they're older. It's a tangled web of frustration for me. I don't like the way my s.o. has been treated because of his brother's lie. A lie that he acknowledged is wrong. Now my s.o. will be more involved in the lie by working for this company. I feel like I'm witnessing my s.o. become someone I never thought he would be.

That's basically it. I argued with my s.o. and I aired it out on an advice Reddit because I really don't know why. It was basically a big Mistake. One person had commented. They basically told me that I was a self-righteous person and that the reason I mentioned Christianity was for sanctimonious reasons despite me not being a Christian. They used a couple curse words and they said my bf's family was a shit show. I should stay out of it. the Bible doesn't disapprove that industry. We should all get our heads checked....

I commented back to correct told them they could have commented nicely, and that the points they used to attack me were misunderstood and all I wanted was advice.

They apologized and gave me honest advice and I commented back nicely thanking them. And acknowledged that in some ways it isn't my business because it's not my family.

I saw that someone upvoted their attack reply to me and then I started to spiral more.

I felt guilty and told my s.o. He's sad that I aired out his dirty laundry. I apologized. We're okay now but I feel terrible. I deleted my account and not the post and I'm trying to get it deleted. The whole "internet is forever" has spooked me good today. I wish I never did it. I was so impulsive today. I went from 0-60 real quick. I made that post during work because I was wrapped up in my emotions. I ignored my work just to post something I've come to regret and was attacked for. For the record, I was really seeking out advice at the time. For some reason I thought it was a non-problematic post but I guess it was? Anyway I was triggered. I shouldn't have done it. I'm a terrible person. The internet is forever. I shouldn't have been so impulsive.
 
U

Until

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as long as it's not illegal or harmful to people in some way, they are just protecting their elderly parents who I assume have very deep feelings about it and it would upset them a lot.

What do you think about the industry the brother works in and how do you think their parents would react if they knew and would you mind if your partner works in it?

There's no need to feel terrible about reddit you are just asking for advice, some people have to attack you instead for no good reason, mainly trolls so just ignore it.

I guess he earns more money than he could somewhere else and is helping his parents? But I don't know. Try not to worry about it too much, you can't control what his brother does although i understand you don't like that he is lying to his parents.
 
D

DunkinDonutGal

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Messages
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Location
Los Angeles, CA
It’s not illegal it’s just something they frown upon and have noted these feelings multiple times. I personally am fine with the industry (the lying part that results in my s.o. being treated less important than his brother because of the money he makes ...not so much).

Their parents would definitely not be happy. I think anger and yelling may occur if they knew. I also know that if they found out about it being a lie, they would probably be equally angry if, not more. I would be fine with my s.o. working in the industry but I have trouble separating the lies that come with this. My s.o. respects his parents and the kind person he is to them...that’s the person I fell in love with three years ago...I wish they didn’t have to keep it a secret in the first place. I respect his parents too and I don’t like lying to them. It makes me feel guilty. I’ve even let my mind get the best of me and start concocting ideas (ones that I would never do) like sending an anonymous letter so they would know the truth (again, I would never do this because not my business). But obviously it’s not my lie so not my place. The thing is, if his brother was a nicer person, I probably wouldn’t be so against this whole lying thing. But it’s because he’s not the nicest person and he’s being praised for it (and my s.o. gets treated the way he does)...that’s what gets to me.

My s.o. can earn more money with this job and will be able to help his parents in return. After the emotional rollercoaster that was today, I’ve decided to bury my feelings about this situation. I’ve talked about it with my s.o. He understood my frustrations. He knows why I did it. I won’t ever do it again.

Anyway, I probably shouldn’t be so quick to vent or ask for advice at a place like Reddit. Things get easily misinterpreted and people are quick to judge.

Thank you for your civil and kind feedback!
 
LittleMissNameless

LittleMissNameless

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Messages
681
Location
canada
I have no advice but I also am triggered by lying and deceit.(being around it as well as if I tell a lie)
I tell people I'm like a fae: cant tell a lie. My bpd will immediately shame me and fill me with paranoia.
I don't know If this is also what's triggering you because if it's like mine you need to tell your S.O.
 
D

DunkinDonutGal

Active member
Joined
Apr 2, 2020
Messages
41
Location
Los Angeles, CA
I have no advice but I also am triggered by lying and deceit.(being around it as well as if I tell a lie)
I tell people I'm like a fae: cant tell a lie. My bpd will immediately shame me and fill me with paranoia.
I don't know If this is also what's triggering you because if it's like mine you need to tell your S.O.
Yes. This triggers me. I don’t like having to do things I’m not comfortable doing and don’t like standing around watching things I have no control over (that involves the people I love) unravel before me.

I just spoke to my S.O. about this. He gets it. I know it’s not easy for him to date a person who feels as much as I do.
 
N

Nada Importa

Guest
Geez, I'm pathetic. I've recently been arguing or having heated discussions with my significant other regarding his brother (who is super selfish and a jerk) and a lie that my s.o. has become entangled in. To give the shortened version my s.o.'s brother works for an industry that their parents would never approve of. So he lies about it. My s.o. keeps up with the lie. My s.o.'s parents ask my s.o. do chores for his brother because apparently his brother makes a lot of money and is therefore too busy to do his own adult stuff. His brother wears the company's gear in front of his parents while talking about how great work is. (they think he works in the food industry). My s.o. wants to work for that industry. I said he will be a liar by working for the same company as his brother (which is basically a double edged sword because he knows it's wrong but he wants to help his family). He wants to support his parents who are having harder times during this economy. My s.o. claims to be a Christian (I am not but I truly respect it!) and the way he defines his Christianity goes against his actions. He doesn't want to stress out his parents because they're older. It's a tangled web of frustration for me. I don't like the way my s.o. has been treated because of his brother's lie. A lie that he acknowledged is wrong. Now my s.o. will be more involved in the lie by working for this company. I feel like I'm witnessing my s.o. become someone I never thought he would be.

That's basically it. I argued with my s.o. and I aired it out on an advice Reddit because I really don't know why. It was basically a big Mistake. One person had commented. They basically told me that I was a self-righteous person and that the reason I mentioned Christianity was for sanctimonious reasons despite me not being a Christian. They used a couple curse words and they said my bf's family was a shit show. I should stay out of it. the Bible doesn't disapprove that industry. We should all get our heads checked....

I commented back to correct told them they could have commented nicely, and that the points they used to attack me were misunderstood and all I wanted was advice.

They apologized and gave me honest advice and I commented back nicely thanking them. And acknowledged that in some ways it isn't my business because it's not my family.

I saw that someone upvoted their attack reply to me and then I started to spiral more.

I felt guilty and told my s.o. He's sad that I aired out his dirty laundry. I apologized. We're okay now but I feel terrible. I deleted my account and not the post and I'm trying to get it deleted. The whole "internet is forever" has spooked me good today. I wish I never did it. I was so impulsive today. I went from 0-60 real quick. I made that post during work because I was wrapped up in my emotions. I ignored my work just to post something I've come to regret and was attacked for. For the record, I was really seeking out advice at the time. For some reason I thought it was a non-problematic post but I guess it was? Anyway I was triggered. I shouldn't have done it. I'm a terrible person. The internet is forever. I shouldn't have been so impulsive.
I completely understand! Yeah we BPD folks are impulsive! How many things have I regretted? Most of my life! ❤
 
D

DunkinDonutGal

Active member
Joined
Apr 2, 2020
Messages
41
Location
Los Angeles, CA
I completely understand! Yeah we BPD folks are impulsive! How many things have I regretted? Most of my life! ❤
Thank you so much for your reply. It honestly made me feel some relief about who I am as a person. It’s nice to be understood even when my mind can seem a bit nutty at times. Thank you :)
 
D

DunkinDonutGal

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Messages
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Location
Los Angeles, CA
Oh no. I just posted on a BPD reddit and it got removed because I had mentioned how another sub made me feel and the mod removed it and told me it's not the place to complain about it. I wasn't complaining, it was a vent. And ugh. I'm done with reddit mental health forums. I was trying to be heard but apparently, what I post isn't appropriate and when I look it up, people say they find the negativity about BPD on other subs annoying to be posted on the BPD sub. The thing is I didn't find it to be negative. I just wanted to be heard. I marked it as venting. I never even mentioned BPD in that sub.I'm finding it harder and harder to find places where I can be understood. This site is cool. I guess this is where I will focus on venting.

Regarding the above issue on this forum, my therapist told me today, that "therapy can't help me" with the whole christianity and cultural thing. I TOTALLY get it's religion and things that is not at all what bothered me. It's what she said "therapy can't help me" kind of sucks. It's all I heard and I couldn't focus on the rest of the session. :/
 
N

Nada Importa

Guest
Oh no. I just posted on a BPD reddit and it got removed because I had mentioned how another sub made me feel and the mod removed it and told me it's not the place to complain about it. I wasn't complaining, it was a vent. And ugh. I'm done with reddit mental health forums. I was trying to be heard but apparently, what I post isn't appropriate and when I look it up, people say they find the negativity about BPD on other subs annoying to be posted on the BPD sub. The thing is I didn't find it to be negative. I just wanted to be heard. I marked it as venting. I never even mentioned BPD in that sub.I'm finding it harder and harder to find places where I can be understood. This site is cool. I guess this is where I will focus on venting.

Regarding the above issue on this forum, my therapist told me today, that "therapy can't help me" with the whole christianity and cultural thing. I TOTALLY get it's religion and things that is not at all what bothered me. It's what she said "therapy can't help me" kind of sucks. It's all I heard and I couldn't focus on the rest of the session. :/
First I love your screen name! Thank you so much for sharing this! I do have a question: what does BPD have to do with christianity? Or religion?
 
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DunkinDonutGal

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Messages
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First I love your screen name! Thank you so much for sharing this! I do have a question: what does BPD have to do with christianity? Or religion?
So it doesn’t so much have to do with BPD specifically. It was that i had mentioned it during my spiraling and black and white thinking. I wanted to talk through my whole spiral that triggered me and she said she couldn’t help me with this. I felt like i couldnt comfortably talk to her about my viewpoint at the time of said spiral. And i know it wasnt something i should have mentioned during my spiral in the first place but i felt like since she is my therapist, i could talk about it.
And i kind of felt like i couldnt talk about the rest of my spiral because the words she used specifically saying therapy cant help me with this made me feel like I couldn’t comfortably vent to her about things.

:/
 
D

DunkinDonutGal

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Messages
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Los Angeles, CA
So it doesn’t so much have to do with BPD specifically. It was that i had mentioned it during my spiraling and black and white thinking. I wanted to talk through my whole spiral that triggered me and she said she couldn’t help me with this. I felt like i couldnt comfortably talk to her about my viewpoint at the time of said spiral. And i know it wasnt something i should have mentioned during my spiral in the first place but i felt like since she is my therapist, i could talk about it.
And i kind of felt like i couldnt talk about the rest of my spiral because the words she used specifically saying therapy cant help me with this made me feel like I couldn’t comfortably vent to her about things.

Im feeling pretty stupid for expanding on this thread in the first place. I sound like a nut job.
 
N

Nada Importa

Guest
So it doesn’t so much have to do with BPD specifically. It was that i had mentioned it during my spiraling and black and white thinking. I wanted to talk through my whole spiral that triggered me and she said she couldn’t help me with this. I felt like i couldnt comfortably talk to her about my viewpoint at the time of said spiral. And i know it wasnt something i should have mentioned during my spiral in the first place but i felt like since she is my therapist, i could talk about it.
And i kind of felt like i couldnt talk about the rest of my spiral because the words she used specifically saying therapy cant help me with this made me feel like I couldn’t comfortably vent to her about things.

:/
That’s so sad. I don’t trust drs or shrinks!
 
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DunkinDonutGal

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That’s so sad. I don’t trust drs or shrinks!
Yes. This is my third therapist. I think a lot that had to do with this situation specifically, is that I felt like I was being mis identified as a religious nut job. When in reality, I am quite the opposite. I think I used the wrong words when I was venting during my spiral.

In both the original reddit post and in my therapy session, when I mentioned religion, it was seen as suddenly something about my character in a negative way when it was really just a small part of my spiral and it got magnified to me being a crazy hypocrite religious lady. And that's not what I was trying to address. It's just like...I really got to be careful with what I say now. The whole thing got misconstrued and I guess I must tread carefully on expressing certain things because I'll be honest, when I read some replies on posts I've made, I get hurt. And then I start to spiral. It's a terrible cycle, really.

But again, thank you for hearing me out :)
 
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