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The loneliness is killing me slowly

Dreamer35

Dreamer35

Member
Joined
Feb 5, 2020
Messages
7
Location
Ireland
Hello everyone!

I am new to this forum and would like to firstly start by introducing myself. I am 4 months into my psychology sessions that I attend once a fortnight...I initially attended these sessions hoping that my psychologist would teach me how to overcome my negative/abusive/Neglected childhood. I in no way shape or form expected or welcomed a diagnosis. As naive as it sounds I genuinely thought the assessment was to establish treatment....for depression/trauma. Little did I realise that my "Symptoms" were in actual fact recognised illness. I had never considered BPD before, probably because the name terrified me and I would never consider myself to have a "Personality disorder", but when my psychologist discussed BPD and suggested I meet most of the criteria it felt like a lightbulb moment. She explained she would refer me to psychiatrist for formal diagnosis and meds review. She discussed treatment options and "Crisis" teams. As a nurse myself I was shell shocked to hear I would have an assigned mental health nurse... I was so ashamed it took me 3 months to tell anyone. I felt broken!

So far treatment is ongoing. I am awaiting group therapy by stepps programme...I am determined to reach out to others and also research BPD, but when I try I feel emotionally drained and fall asleep

It sounds crazy but its true. I attempt to educate myself and non matter what time of day I have to close it off quickly. Does anyone else experience this? I literally feel drained any time I hear the word BPD?. Anyone else experienced similar and how did you overcome.

Thanks x
 
calypso

calypso

Well-known member
Admin
Moderator
Joined
Jan 5, 2011
Messages
46,214
Location
Lancashire
Hiya and Welcome to the forum. I have not got BPD but I understand a little about it. I too am a nurse and was astounded when diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I wasn't ashamed but I did hide it initially. I thought people would expect more of me than others. I think you are being VERY hard on yourself and knowing that you have a recognised problem means you can face it and tackle it head on.

There is a therapy called DBT (Dialectical Behavioural Therapy) which was initially aimed at people with BPD and written by a woman who had it herself. Its worth looking up as it gives insights into the problems that people with BPD suffer from. There are four core components to the DBT and they cover most of the problems people have. Distress Tolerance, Emotional regulation, Interpersonal Effectiveness and Mindfulness are the headings. Look it up on line and see if you can get a book on it perhaps?
 
G

Girl interupted

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 17, 2018
Messages
1,619
You didn’t give yourself bpd, it was done to you. There’s no reason for shame, but there is reason to invest in yourself to get better.

The more reading you do on it, the better equipped you will be to tackle therapy. Therapy appears to be the only way to navigate the complex issues that caused bpd.

Look into Dialectical Behaviour Therapy. I recently completed three modules and it has been a life changer for me, and others here, too.

Lastly, be brave. It takes great courage to go forward. But you can do it.
 
N

Nukelavee

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 17, 2019
Messages
543
Location
London, ON
When I was first diagnosed, I wasn't given much info on it, so I figured "borderline" meant it was minor. Oops.

Years later I read an article, and that was the first time I realized the reputation BPD has. So, yeah, I got a bit shook up.

Researching is good. The more you know about it, teh more you can fight it. And, remember, not every aspect of BPD traits applies to you.

Girl and Calypso are right - DBT and CBT make a huge difference.
 
Dreamer35

Dreamer35

Member
Joined
Feb 5, 2020
Messages
7
Location
Ireland
Thank you everyone. I am due to start soon with therapy. Much appreciated the time you took to reply and listen x
 
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