The Holidays are Difficult

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Emilysai

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Dec 26, 2018
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#1
Hello, hope everyone is having a good holiday (if you celebrate).

Unfortunately, the holidays are a bit of a difficult time for me. My mom has schizophrenia. I grew up living with her but ran away when I was 17 for my well-being. Haven’t seen her since, but think about her every single day. I spent a majority of today hoping that she wasn’t spending this day completely alone. I have realized that I harbor an amazing amount of guilt surrounding leaving her.

This whole year in general has been a really difficult time for me in terms of depression. It seems to just be getting worse and worse. I started therapy a couple months ago, which I think has just kind of brought up a lot of emotions that I have been avoiding for so long.

How have the holidays been for you guys?
 
LostSoul89

LostSoul89

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Aug 18, 2018
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#2
Hey there Emily, I too suffer with depression & have 2 uncles that are schizophrenic so can relate in that respect. My Christmas was spent eating Turkey, watching Jungle Book & visiting my Aunts which perked me up a little bit, how was your's?.

I've been cold turkey (no pun intended) from Sertraline since January & I''ve felt awful. I don't know about you but I've developed a complete sense of apathy through years of reclusiveness & irrational worrying. Depression is a disease of isolation after all. I too worry about my mum as she has Lupus.

Do you have a career interest that can give you a sense of purpose?. I've done support work this year which has helped to distract me somewhat but I've since retreated to the comfort of my room again which is a dangerous place to be with a wandering mind. Anyway sorry for the ramble & hope you had a pleasant Christmas ☺🎄.
 
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valleygirl

valleygirl

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#3
I am sorry the holidays are so rough for you. You were very brave to run away from you mom when you were 17. I don't think you should feel guilty for leaving her. She wasn't able to take care of you. Her illness was making life very difficult for you, and you were basically forced to fend for yourself. Your job right now is to get the help you need, and take care of yourself, and there may come a time when you are in a mental space to be able to have your mom be a part of your life again.

I am struggling with depression this holiday season too. Not really coping too well with maintaining my apartment. It's disaster of piles of clothes, dirty dishes, and junk food packaging. I am too depressed and apathetic to care. Sooooooooooo tired.
 
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MiserableGal

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Apr 29, 2018
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#4
Totally get you. My mum had BPD in a very very bad way. I ran away from home as soon as I got a job because I couldn't cope with it anymore. A year later, she was diagnosed with schizophrenia. Despite knowing that, somehow I never treated her any differently or realised the gravity of the situation, though I did gain some empathy for her. It will be two years in Jan 2019 since she passed away. I have been assailed by guilt and regret that I ran away instead of sticking it out and being there for her.
 
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